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Original poster

Just received an invitation to go over to a friend's house after school this week...

71 replies

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 22/07/2019 07:30

.... said friend got a dog some months ago. There have been a few incidents since with the kids running out merrily into the garden (both my/her kids, all KS2), having been told to do so by our hosts, only to find themselves treading in dog mess. I have had to clean it off their shoes a few times also, said dog steals their shoes if not watched like a hawk and has previously stolen/chewed on my kids' school shoes. As you can guess, we don't have a dog and so are a bit unaccustomed to this sort of thing - I can live with shoe stealing but the dogshit makes me heave.

There's no polite way to respond to her invitation saying "We'd be delighted to come over provided that the garden isn't full of dogshit", is there?! She's lovely and we do want to go, but I can't work out how to say "Actually please come here" without my real feelings being really obvious....

OP posts:

pictish · 22/07/2019 08:46

“Just put the wellies in the car, tell them they gave to wear them outside on the play date but can obvs take them off indoors.“

She’ll still have to clean the shit off the wellies before they go in the car. The point is to not clean shit off anything, rather than providing special shit-friendly footwear which you cheerfully scrub off before leaving.

NoSquirrels · 22/07/2019 08:47

Go over, and before they go in the garden say to host: "Is it OK out there today or does it need checking for dog poo before they go out? Just remembered they trod in it last time!" with a cheery tone.

urbanlife · 22/07/2019 08:47

I would WANT to tell her about the dog poop but I think if it were me, I would be worried about offending her (it’s gross!) and I have three dogs!

Tell her about the delivery, and invite her to your house.

I don’t think you will change her habits and may just lose her as a friend. The summer will be over in a month. I would avoid her place until the autumn/winter.

escapade1234 · 22/07/2019 08:49

One of my children is very nervous around dogs and the other not entirely at ease. I’ve turned down play dates before and been honest about the reason. It has never bothered me to say “X would love to play with X but is very nervous around dogs so can we host at ours instead?”.

No offence in that. Unless it’s already been made clear your children don’t have a problem with the dog I guess.

Soola · 22/07/2019 08:50

Send them in wellies?

Good grief!

What about a Hazmat suit as they could still touch the poo if they fall or sit down.

The subtext of any message is how a person chooses to read it as. If she takes offence then she’ll fast run out of having people round her home.

If you send or say the message ^ that I wrote you haven’t accused her of anything you have stated your wishes but also sent a friendly invite.

Why on earth would anyone send their children round to play in dog shit? Wellies! What a stupid ‘compromise’!

RushianDisney · 22/07/2019 08:51

Ew. Just think of the state of their floor, which the DC will be sitting on to play presumably, covered in shit brought in on the dogs feet because they can't be arsed to clean up after it. They will be offended if you bring it up, or rather embarrassed that others have noticed their lack of hygiene. Just invite them to yours and decline invites to their house with an excuse

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 22/07/2019 08:53

What Soola said was fine. It's very matter of fact, so absolutely no reason to get offended.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 22/07/2019 08:57

I grew up with dogs that were walked regularly. We never had dog poo in the garden. It sounds like this dog isn't being walked enough. so you just took them to shit on someone else’s land?

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/07/2019 08:59

When I suggested wellies. I meant borrow their wellies and she can clean them. Actually I think it's best just to be honest and up front about it.

billybagpuss · 22/07/2019 09:03

I grew up with dogs that were walked regularly. We never had dog poo in the garden. It sounds like this dog isn't being walked enough
shock so you just took them to shit on someone else’s land

No you bag it and put it in a poo bin, my garden is always free of dog poo

Op do what no squirrels suggested and just ask do we need to poo pick before they go outside?

Soola · 22/07/2019 09:05

Beyond your grass, it has been estimated that a single gram of dog waste can contain 23 million fecal coliform bacteria, which are known to cause cramps, diarrhea, intestinal illness, and serious kidney disorders in humans.

I’ve always had a dog/dogs but am aware that children touch things on the ground and put their hands in their mouths or up there noses or rub their eyes as well as touching things in the home without washing their hands.

Why would you subject your children or yourself to accidentally touching dog poo that has been deliberately left on the ground?

ElspethFlashman · 22/07/2019 09:09

Well yeah.... But the OP clearly doesn't really want to address the dog shit so what can you do otherwise? If there is going to be dog shit, better wellies than school shoes and she can throw them in a plastic bag in the boot.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/07/2019 09:16

My dog does not go out in the garden on his own, so I know immediately where he has pooed and I pick it up. I would never have kids in the garden with dog poo there. On walks, any responsible dog owner just picks up their poo and puts in a bin - simples. If a friend is not cleaning up after her dog enough, I would avoid her garden and have them over to mine

saraclara · 22/07/2019 09:18

That

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 22/07/2019 09:18

You have two options

Address it directly in a calm polite way, hopefully she will respond in kind and your friendship will be prepared. "Hi it would be great to catch up, but can you come here as my kids stepped in dog poo in your garden last time and I can't face cleaning it off if it happens again! Would they like tea?"
Decline invitations to hers, invite her to yours but don't address why. Probably friendship will drift a bit.

Things like taking wellies I wouldn't do as unlikely to solve the issue and likely to make it more awkward than speaking directly.

Soola · 22/07/2019 09:22

Shit is shit!

Would you still suggest taking wellies if it was human shit? No you’d be horrified.

But dog shit is ok to step in as long as you’ve got your wellies on!

Wow! Just so unbelievably bizarre that you’d rather do that than actually say something!

Is this British politeness at its best/worst!

Taichipandas · 22/07/2019 09:25

I think Pictish's text is good!

It's a really horrible thing to let DC knowingly play among dog poo so it definitely needs addressing but this does it politely.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 22/07/2019 09:30

@billybagpuss are you saying your dogs never shit in your garden but always on someone else’s land?

LemonSqueezy0 · 22/07/2019 09:31

Honestly can't see why you wouldn't say! This isn't subjective, something that she might get offended by... eg your cooking is disgusting.. It's something that happened,and is likely to happen again, and you feel strongly enough to start a thread about it.
You don't have to be aggressive or rude but also you don't have to worry about offending her. You can't let your DC run round in shite and smile politely.

Laiste · 22/07/2019 09:33

Well - if my young kids came home with dog shit on their shoes from someone's garden i wouldn't be letting them play there again. There's could come to mine and that's how it would have to be.

I have no interest in trying to police them and their shit habits. I just deal with where my kids play.

PeoniesarePink · 22/07/2019 09:33

You have to be honest, and say you don't enjoy cleaning the dog poo off their shoes so you'd rather they stayed indoors or could she clean the garden up first.

I've got 2 dogs and do poo patrol twice a day, more if the grandkids are coming. It's disgusting to leave it and there's no excuse.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2019 09:39

I had some kids and parents over when dd was little and forgot about cleaning up the poo. The mum just asked. It just hadn’t hit my radar as dh usually picked up. No offence taken.

LegionOfDoom · 22/07/2019 09:42

I have three dogs and the puppy does poo in the garden a lot at the moment. I also have 3 dc so I make sure I clean it up straight away and hose the area down after. No excuse for leaving dog poo in your garden. Aside from the hygiene, how unfair on your neighbours to have to see and smell dog poo.

Original poster

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 22/07/2019 09:51

Your are not saying they have poor standards of hygiene you are saying they have dog poo in their garden. Which they do. So how can they take offence?

To my mind, having dog poo in your garden that has been there more than a couple of hours is grim (making allowances for people out at work here!) and adjacent to having poor standards of hygiene. Or being forgetful I suppose - they do also have a baby.

Unfortunately I can't do the wellies thing as they have been expressly invited over to use the paddling pool! Plus the dog would descend and run off with the welly boots when they get in the pool, hence rendering them a bit useless in terms of keeping feet clean

I think I will just have to bite the bullet and say something. I'll blame my own personal visceral hatred of faecal contamination rather than the kids, whom she knows for a fact don't care much!!

They are good friends who we've known a long time and I don't want things to drift. At the same time though, bleurgh

OP posts:

CallmeAngelina · 22/07/2019 09:54

Don’t understand people letting dogs crap in the garden, take it for a walk ffs!
My dog has two, long, off-lead walks a day, but still uses the garden from time-to-time.

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