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Why request this at a wedding?

147 replies

Time40 · 21/07/2019 02:31

... that everyone absolutely HAS to be in their seats twenty minutes before the start of the ceremony? I just can't think why (and it's quite annoying - who wants to sit on a hard pew with nothing to do for a full twenty minutes? It's bad enough having to be there at all ... I hate weddings).

I'm going to bed now, but I'll be back in the morning, with hopes of finding some MN wisdom. TIA.

OP posts:
Teacher22 · 22/07/2019 21:22

Twenty minutes early is standard and the least a guest can do to contribute toward a big day.

silver1977 · 22/07/2019 21:29

Thegracefuloctopus I get what you're saying, I hate lateness too and consider it rude. However needing the toilet is a different thing. I have a condition where I may suddenly need the toilet and wouldn't be able to wait an hour for the service to be over. I wouldn't want to share the details with anyone either so would have liked to have been able to go discreetly. Nobody allowed her to be discreet did they! Also maybe she had just come on her period or something?! Nobody should have assumed she was just being rude and not allowed her back in, that's disgraceful behaviour and I can't believe you're still friends. Poor woman, she made the effort to probably buy an outfit, a present etc and come to your wedding to be refused entry!

Time40 · 22/07/2019 21:42

These “dull” conversations- you are one half of them you know, why is it up to the other people to be interesting enough to come up to your exacting standards?

It isn't, notcopingwellhere, and I know perfectly well that I'm the other half. I don't have "exacting standards", honest! It very rarely helps when I try to steer this sort of conversation in a more interesting direction, because the nature of that sort of event works against it. It does work sometimes, which is lovely (like my boat trip, where I met someone lovely and interesting ... but I think that possibly worked because it was a more relaxed setting) This sort of very formal event, with a lot of people, just tends to result in small-talk and chit-chat, mainly because no one has that much time to spend with one person.

Your partner who is taking you as a plus one clearly doesn’t know you very well

I think he most probably does, notcopingwellhere, seeing as we have been together for well over thirty years.

Sorry, but you just sound like a bit of a misery

Come with me to a music festival and say that!

I think it’s a shame that the couple are spending money to entertain you when you will hate it all so much

Yes, so do I, notcopingwellhere. I think it's a rotten, miserable shame. I wish they could swap me for one of their young friends ... but it's not the couple paying; it's their poor parents. I still wish they could swap me, though.

OP posts:

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Notcopingwellhere · 22/07/2019 22:08

Fair enough. But re your partner, I meant that he should not be making you go if he knows you well enough to understand how you feel about such occasions. Why is he making you go?

onegiftedgal · 22/07/2019 22:13

Well this is chavtastic behaviour at it's worst isn't it?
And op, she is your friend, why? Phase her out of your life and move on to peeps who appreciate you and have respect for others. I would not have paid for the meal btw..... but if pushed, I would have said, 'yes here is my 'contribution'' and handed in £10 + the parking ticket.

onegiftedgal · 22/07/2019 22:15

Well, just get there 5 mins before it's due to start (no earlier so that they can catch you to make you go in) and then take your seat. Problem solved.

Blackpool2 · 22/07/2019 22:38

a wedding is a public event if it is in a church so anyone is welcome to attend. I am an organist who plays for a lot of weddings and always play a nice selection of music for 30 mins before the start which happens at most church weddings so incorrect to say there is nothing going on, . it is simply a matter of good manners and courtesy to be be in your place well before the start so yes you ABU big time

goose1964 · 22/07/2019 22:50

When I got married we had to herd guests into the church by means of driving at them. Maybe she doesn't want this.

WorkerBee83 · 22/07/2019 22:53

Maybe they have organised a surprise like a string quartet or a slide show if not then it’s not nice to feel like it’s an order as it just sets the guests on edge xx

WingingWonder · 22/07/2019 22:58

One of our best friends who live close to church literally overtook me as I walked in down the church aisle...

Letsnotusemyname · 22/07/2019 23:19

It’s so that people like my Sister and Mum actually get there on time.

Their lateness is legendary. ( worrying and annoying too)

Catsinthecupboard · 22/07/2019 23:26

I think that you're lucky enough to be significant ...and wanted and you're ungrateful.

I wish that i had a large extended family. My family died or went their separate ways. I read these threads with a bit of longing and sad envy.

However, since you're fairly exacting in your conversation standards, if I was lucky enough to be invited to a wedding, i would probably be seated by someone like you and i would fail to live up to your standards and sit miserably silent and wish myself home.

SherbrookeFosterer · 23/07/2019 02:06

I expect it was probably directed at the Best Man whom the bride doesn't trust, using a "scatter gun" messaging technique.

Take two cushions; one for your bum, one for your neck; and a hip flask of something fabulous.

Time40 · 23/07/2019 03:14

But re your partner, I meant that he should not be making you go if he knows you well enough to understand how you feel about such occasions. Why is he making you go?

He's not "making me go", but as I've said (twice now), it's impossible to get out of it, because it would look too suspicious. You can cry off these things once or twice, but you can't keep on doing it for years and years, otherwise people would smell a rat. He doesn't want to go any more than I do.

*I think that you're lucky enough to be significant ...and wanted and you're ungrateful.

I wish that i had a large extended family. My family died or went their separate ways. I read these threads with a bit of longing and sad envy*

Aww, cats, that's so sad. I don't know if I'm wanted or not - my guess would be probably not; I think I just have to be invited because I'm the S.O. I wish I had a family, too, cats - mine have also all died or gone their separate ways. It's sad, isn't it? I'd even put up with the weddings with good grace to have a family of my own.

OP posts:
FelicisNox · 23/07/2019 14:25

Are you seriously moaning about sitting still for a measly 20 mins?

Obviously it's to combat latecomers and to be organised... you don't want to run into the bride 30 seconds before she walks down the isle.

The poor bride wants everything perfect, no hitches and organisation ensures that..... it's her day not yours.

I'm getting seriously fed up of all the stupid wedding posts.

LolaSmiles · 23/07/2019 15:43

FelicisNox
Most of us have said we would arrive appropriately early for a wedding anyway, it's more about the couple dictating how early they want everyone.

We gave a ceremony start time. Magically our guests managed to be in and seated before I walked down the aisle. I also managed to arrive on time and the ceremony started on time.

Magically, I've not been late to any wedding I've been invited to. Sometimes if it is a nice day then I'll sit in the garden/terrace before rather than spend 40 mins before the ceremony sitting in a stuffy function suite. I wouldn't be impressed at being ordered to be in my seat early when as an adult I'm perfectly capable of arriving in good time.

In my experience, any wedding I've attended where the couple have stipulated how early guests must arrive have been the weddings where the bride has arrived fashionably late.

Time40 · 23/07/2019 23:09

Are you seriously moaning about sitting still for a measly 20 mins?

No, I was moaning mildly as an aside to the main point. My question was why they wanted everyone actually sitting twenty minutes before the ceremony. Now I think it's for photographs.

In my experience, any wedding I've attended where the couple have stipulated how early guests must arrive have been the weddings where the bride has arrived fashionably late

Yes, me too!

OP posts:
Lovely13 · 24/07/2019 18:46

I had some tourists taking pix at my wedding. My 15 seconds of fame!

picklemepopcorn · 24/07/2019 18:57

Because it takes 20 mins to get everyone in and settled before the bride arrives?

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/07/2019 21:05

people still tell me its the best wedding theyve ever been to.

I say that to every B&G, everyone does. They dont actually mean it, they just cant say "Oh yes, you had the hog roast as well, the same as the other 4 "unique" weddings I went to last summer. I cant actually remember any of the fine details, it was just another wedding, but as I cant recall anything major it must have been ok"

francienolan · 25/07/2019 13:08

Some dear friends of ours were late to our wedding and had to hop over my train and veil as I was about to walk down the aisle! When my MOH (not related but our families are extremely close) got married she was VERY strict about arrival time for the guests, I think that was why!

Latkes · 25/07/2019 13:39

I think they’ve met a family member of mine, who has a well earned reputation for being late.
She and her partner once turned up late to my nieces dance recital. Rather than the show being up on a stage it was set up on the level of the audience, with the chairs in a circle around the dance floor.
My relative having been refused admittance due to the show having started, found a side door from the car park that said ‘no entry’ and burst through it, right in the middle of a whole load of dancers pirouetting around. It was quite an intense piece which made it worse.
It was really funny but awful at the same time. They seemed totally unaware that they were standing in the middle of it and were casually trying to decide where to sit, whilst the dancers had to dance out of their way. It was like a comedy sketch which ended up with a lot of the audience in hysterics.
It’s that sort of nightmare the brides probably trying to avoid lol 😂

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