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Original poster

Why request this at a wedding?

147 replies

Time40 · 21/07/2019 02:31

... that everyone absolutely HAS to be in their seats twenty minutes before the start of the ceremony? I just can't think why (and it's quite annoying - who wants to sit on a hard pew with nothing to do for a full twenty minutes? It's bad enough having to be there at all ... I hate weddings).

I'm going to bed now, but I'll be back in the morning, with hopes of finding some MN wisdom. TIA.

OP posts:
Thegracefuloctopus · 21/07/2019 08:29

@BrightYellowDaffodil if she had turned up on time she wouldnt have been made to choose. She was given prior warning and ignored it.
I can demand they suit my plans... IT WAS MY WEDDING!! your comment is laughable

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2019 08:30

I would find it annoying putting it on the invitations to be honest.
If the start time is 3pm, tell me it's 3pm and I will be there on time (and seated 10/15mins early having probably had a drink or a walk around and gone to the bathroom).

Please don't tell me that I have to be seated half an hour early. I'm an adult who is more than capable of arriving to an event on time.

And don't get me started on the 'guests must be seated half an hour early' lines when the bride turns up half an hour late when they're getting ready at the venue. That's an hour of waiting around.

NaturalBornWoman · 21/07/2019 08:38

It's perfectly normal wedding etiquette for the guests to arrive 20-30 minutes ahead of the ceremony. Maybe a sign of the times that they've felt the need to put this on the invitation, or maybe a failure of etiquette on their own part, who knows.

In any case, if you hate weddings so much that the idea of being there in good time is such a concern don't go. Nobody needs people at their wedding who don't want to be there.

Interested in this thread?

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Weddings
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/07/2019 08:40

It does seem weird to have to tell adults to be on time. I hope the bride arrives on time then given her order to others.

LolaSmiles · 21/07/2019 08:48

IceCreamAndCandyfloss
In my experience the brides who put this sort of thing on their invitations are judging others by their own standards and are usually late by more than 5 mins.

ScreamingValenta · 21/07/2019 08:49

Nowadays, many people have lost all concept of arriving on time. How many people do you know who are always late - whether or not they phone to let you know they are running late?

The bride in this case is sensible to take this into consideration. It's probably the only way she can be reasonably sure she won't have people turning up after the ceremony has started.

Unfortunately, it's one of those times when the increasing number of rude, inconsiderate people make life more difficult for the rest of us.

CherryPavlova · 21/07/2019 08:50

Fifteen to twenty minutes is perfectly normal. Odd people would need to be told this though. Rude to be much later than that. It takes a while to get people into seats because they’re all saying hello, admiringly the flowers, laughing at the hats. You want guests there before the groom, best man and grooms parents arrive.
If it’s a church wedding it would be usual to say a prayer on arrival.

Isatis · 21/07/2019 08:54

Easy enough to take a book with you to keep you occupied if necessary.

Lawnmowingsucks · 21/07/2019 08:58

That sounds reasonable to me. And it may be an order rather than a request because there's some instruction which needs to be given to everyone

purplecorkheart · 21/07/2019 09:03

I am wondering is the wedding on in a church near me. The priest does not do late at all. He has been known to have gone home when Brides are late and another priest has to be called in.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/07/2019 09:06

YABU, I never understand the contempt/hatred for weddings on here. It may just be the couple have arranged some music or something before hand for their invited (you clearly accepted the invite) guests.

randomsabreuse · 21/07/2019 09:09

The organist at the church I got married in was notorious for sneaking ever more obvious hints of "why are we waiting" into his pre arrival improvisation... I was on time!

TapasForTwo · 21/07/2019 09:10

"Why are you attending if you hate weddings so much?"

This ^^

I don't understand the hatred of weddings from some MN posters. I haven't been to many weddings, but have enjoyed all of them bar one (in the middle of winter where there was inadequate heating at the reception). I love it when my family gets together as we are all scattered and rarely see each other. Nowadays it tends to be funerals rather than weddings when we all get together Sad

whitebowls · 21/07/2019 09:18

There was someone hammering on the church doors during the service at a wedding we attended. The woman was eventually let in as she just kept hammering loudly. It was awful and disrespectful. She literally lived 10 minutes away but was late. So, so rude.

drowningincustard · 21/07/2019 09:19

Surely its a bit stupid to announce the actual ceremony time and then request people be sat down 20 minutes before because
a) the people that are timely will be put out with all the waiting around
b) the tardy people are very likely to ignore the start time and focus on the ceremony time anyway.
Best to just say be at the venue for xxx time and keep it to yourself that the ceremony starts 20 mins later...
Doh....

Celticrose · 21/07/2019 09:20

My DH is a stickler for being on time. We were at a wedding 6 months before we were married and I was a bridesmaid. We were late as we were chatting in the kitchen and forgot the time. Huge rush to get ready and to the church. MOTB left without putting her jewelry on. Anyway I was on strict orders go be on time which I most certainly was. Arriving at the church I caught the vicar on the hop as he had not changed into his vestments and there was one couple going in as I arrived on the car. Walked down the aisle at the dot of 3

grumiosmum · 21/07/2019 09:21

Perfectly reasonable request.

I always try to arrive early at a wedding anyway, so that I can get a good seat, and also enjoy watching the other guests arriving and see who I know, what people are wearing, what hymns & readings have been chosen, etc.

20 minutes isn't long at all.

ChrisPrattsFace · 21/07/2019 09:22

What @Spam88 said...
Our registrars instructions were for guests to be in 20 minutes before. Not by my request!

Benjispruce · 21/07/2019 09:38

Is it not usual to arrive about that time? You don't want to be arriving while photos are being taken of the bridesmaids and mob outside the church. Stop being a diva, it's not your day!

Equatoria · 21/07/2019 09:45

Maybe they're planning a hymn practice?

Original poster
Time40 · 21/07/2019 09:56

Thank you, all. I bet anything it's to do with photography - I hadn't thought of that as a possibility.

Surely its a bit stupid to announce the actual ceremony time and then request people be sat down 20 minutes before because
a) the people that are timely will be put out with all the waiting around
b) the tardy people are very likely to ignore the start time and focus on the ceremony time anyway

  • yes, exactly. Which is why I was mystified - but photography makes sense.
OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 21/07/2019 10:05

It’s so people aren’t late, obviously. I’ve been to a number of weddings where the B&G have said it’s a 2.30 wedding but it’s actually 3pm to prevent this entire situation. I can’t blame them, people still come after 2.30.

However in my family it’s the done thing to arrive a little early and go to the pub anyway Grin

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 21/07/2019 10:07

I was told to wait in the wedding car until all the wedding guests were seated so I could get out and do the pre-wedding interview with the registrar without being seen by the guests. They just need you to confirm the details that are going on the marriage certificate. Our guests were seated in the garden for about 15/20 mins prior to the ceremony started. The registrar's made it plain that if I was late, they couldn't guarantee the wedding would go ahead if they had other weddings to go to.

LittleAndOften · 21/07/2019 10:09

My PILs would be late to their own funerals. They almost missed our wedding ceremony, and they ALWAYS blame each other! I imagine the 'order' is for people like them, who see start times as optional, rather than reliable, normal people like you, OP.

Original poster
Time40 · 21/07/2019 10:16

Why are you attending if you hate weddings so much?

Because someone could cry off one wedding, or even two (as, indeed, I have done), but if that person kept on doing it, for years, it would become obvious that the reasons for not attending were excuses - especially with family weddings, where the wedding-avoider would be very much noticed, as the same people are at all the weddings. So, short answer - because not to do so would cause hurt.

I did actually miss a family wedding a few years ago, through no fault of my own, and I'm pretty much convinced that the family member whose wedding it was doesn't believe that my reason for missing it was genuine, and is now going to bear a grudge forever ... which is deeply upsetting, as I'm fond of this person.

MN badge in the post btw

Why? Because I said that I hate weddings? Why shouldn't I say that? It's not an unusual thing; lots of people dislike weddings.

OP posts: