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Original poster

Why request this at a wedding?

147 replies

Time40 · 21/07/2019 02:31

... that everyone absolutely HAS to be in their seats twenty minutes before the start of the ceremony? I just can't think why (and it's quite annoying - who wants to sit on a hard pew with nothing to do for a full twenty minutes? It's bad enough having to be there at all ... I hate weddings).

I'm going to bed now, but I'll be back in the morning, with hopes of finding some MN wisdom. TIA.

OP posts:

Apolloanddaphne · 21/07/2019 07:30

What is a pre wedding interview?

stucknoue · 21/07/2019 07:30

Ps, sit on the kneelers if it's wooden pews or bring a cushion but many churches have seats nowadays, ours are padded leather more like good dining chairs!

NewSchoolNewName · 21/07/2019 07:33

I’d assume they’ve got some guests who tend to be late for everything and are trying to minimise the chances of the wedding being disrupted by latecomers.

I don’t imagine they’ll actually turn you away if you turn up 15 minutes early instead of 20 minutes early.

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Weddings

MindyStClaire · 21/07/2019 07:36

Then i was in doing the prewedding interview and (i didnt know at the time) a couple turned up and the woman was desperate for the loo. DH told her she could either "watch or wizz"... she chose to wizz and he tokd the venue not to let her back in or near me.

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 21/07/2019 07:36

I hate lateness. I think it better to be direct and say those who arrive late won’t be able to come in if the thought of it is too much as it was for. another poster. I’m intrigued about the interview bit? Never heard of that.

LL83 · 21/07/2019 07:36

At many weddings the bride is late so if invite says 2.30pm people may be parking and walking in at 2.30pm.

I think this invite means the bride is walking in on time so be prompt.

DameSquashalot · 21/07/2019 07:39

I agree with Waffles.

OrdinarySnowflake · 21/07/2019 07:42

If you aren't late all the time, this isnt aimed at you.

That said if the idea of having to sit down with nothing to do for 20 minutes seems excessive, are you possibly prone to lateness/cutting it fine to be at places on time? My mum can't stand wasted time, so she is regularly late for things, as if she's got a spare 2 minutes, she won't just leave 2 minutes early, she'll start doing something, invariably making herself late.

ginghamtablecloths · 21/07/2019 07:44

Twenty minutes really isn't that unreasonable. All the reasons given here are perfectly valid. It can take a while for everyone to take their seats in time, especially if there is a large amount of people who have been invited. Turning up late or just in time is pretty bad unless there is a very good reason.

There might be a tight schedule and the next wedding needs to start on time too. I'm not keen on weddings either and it is the standing about for endless photos which is far worse.

Nautiloid · 21/07/2019 07:44

I reckon they've got one of those family members who always rocks up late for everything and causes a scene.
Either that or you're all going to be taught a song and dance routine to do when the bride walks in.
It is a reasonable request but at the same time I've never seen it on an invitation before.

Nothingcomesforfree · 21/07/2019 07:45

Thegracefuloctopus
Pre wedding interview? Isn’t that er, a bit late!

You DH seriously denied a guest who had made the effort to dress up and travel down over needing the toilet? I’d suggest I’d that if your anxiety around attendance was that bad ( on a day when your mind is in other things) you shouldn’t have guests.

checkeredredshorts · 21/07/2019 07:48

What is a pre wedding interview?

The registrar asks a few questions before the ceremony starts regarding the details on the marriage certificate and ensures you are who you say you are, definitely not married already etc.

Marmite27 · 21/07/2019 07:48

Pre-wedding interview for me was with the registrar to confirm I was happy to go ahead and wasn’t being coerced. They’re standard these days I think.

user1491678180 · 21/07/2019 07:49

@Time40

Good Grief. It's not like they are asking you to be there an HOUR before. It's just 20 minutes. It is good 'Wedding Etiquette' to come 20-30 minutes before the actual ceremony.

I went to a wedding last year, and about 70 people were invited/due altogether. 60-ish came 25 to 35 minutes before the ceremony was due to start, and around 5 or 6 came only 2-3 minutes before, and they struggled to sit together.

As almost everyone was there, they looked uncomfortable and awkward, and a bit silly faffing about looking for somewhere to perch!

The remaining 4 or 5 came LATE. Only 5-7 minutes, but LATE. Luckily the bride was 10 minutes late (her prerogative!) The 4 or 5 LATE people looked like idiots. Inconsiderate, thoughtless idiots.

They struggled to find a seat, and expected people to move, and shift up all the seats so they could sit down/sit with their partner.

One woman would have been behind a big pillar if her party of 4 had moved up, so they all refused to budge, and one woman ended up standing throughout it all (as it was too late for the 'Church helpers' to go around looking for extra chairs in the parish hall next door.)

3 or 4 people had come who were not invited, and left the seating short. But if everyone had come early (no more 5 minutes before the time the ceremony was to start,) someone would have got them a chair from the Parish Hall next door.

They weren't about to start accommodating rude and inconsiderate individuals who couldn't be arsed to turn up until on time, and rocked up 5 to 7 minutes late. So rude.

GhostRidersInDisguise · 21/07/2019 07:52

It's a perfectly normal request. Some people can be arseholes and the couple are trying to cut down on arseholery. I don't blame them.

DippyAvocado · 21/07/2019 07:53

I arrived at one wedding years ago five minutes before the start as we got horrendously lost on the way there (rural venue, in the times before sat navs). Everyone was seated and the only seats left were in the front row so we had to walk down the aisle past all the guests. I am always very early to weddings now!

Itstheprinciple · 21/07/2019 07:55

I think they want to make sure everyone is in and seated before the bridal party arrive. I've been to a few weddings where guests are still faffing about outside taking photos of each other when the cars with the bridesmaids pull up. It takes the shine off the bride's big entrance to the church if everyone has seen her outside. Then those guests have to quickly rush in and get seated before the bride can come in.

Thegracefuloctopus · 21/07/2019 07:56

Yes he did and i bloody love him for it. They were his guests. Theyre always late for everything. He specifically asked them to be early. He knew i was around and that she would take ages faffing around as she always does so told her where to go. We got married in a building with a beautiful public park so my FIL (DH best man) gave her a fiver and told her to grab a coffee and we would be done soon. People who didnt know how i was about lateness were a bit confussed but my friends and family who knew how much lateness makes me nervy and pisses me off, laughed and agreed with him. After the wedding, she sincerely apologised saying she hadnt realised i would be "that on time". Also, she hadnt travelled, we got married in our home town and she walked to the venue!

Doyouavocado · 21/07/2019 07:56

It’s 20 minutes Jesus Christ, leave the wedding 20 minutes early if your time is so precious. I wouldn’t even bother going if I hated weddings that much anyway. The couple have most probably spent a lot of money for you to attend, maybe they should invite someone who is actually arsed.

Thegracefuloctopus · 21/07/2019 07:59

Oh, and a pre wedding interview is when you and the person you are marrying have seperate meeting before the ceremony to confirm occupations, that youre happy to go ahead etc. Its for record keeping so people can look back on it in the future and stuff like that. You have to do it seperately. Its simar to the one you do when you apply for a marriage license to check youre doing it for the right reasons.

EdWinchester · 21/07/2019 08:01

I’d probably get there 20 mins early anyway, tbh.

Weddings are getting bossier and bossier.

DuckonaBike · 21/07/2019 08:05

Take a book. You will also have it to read if there is a lot of boring hanging around for photos etc.

Sit near the aisle and if the bride is late, look at you watch pointedly as she comes past

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 21/07/2019 08:07

I can’t understand why anyone would feel the need to state this on an invitation. Surely you would get there sensibly before the stated start time anyway? No one wants to be clashing with the bride!

BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/07/2019 08:22

Expecting people to be there half an hour in advance of the ceremony starting is fairly normal. If nothing else, as a guest it gives you a chance to say hello to people you know, as well as being a buffer for unexpected difficulties in finding the church/a place to park/whatever.

But expecting everyone to be sat down waiting a minimum of 20 minutes before is a bit harsh. In my experience, up to about five minutes before people are still milling about going to the loo or whatever. Does the bridezilla- expect everyone to be sat with their fingers on their lips as well?

@thegracefuloctopus That is awful that someone was made to choose between attending your wedding and going to the loo which would take, ooh, two minutes? If your anxiety was that bad you shouldn't have guests at all, let alone demand that everyone is early to suit you.

Spam88 · 21/07/2019 08:22

Totally standard surely? The registrar requests that the bride is there 15 minutes before the ceremony for the interview, so you want your guests seated by then so they don't see the bride.

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