DH smashed DS's phone

[thiscountryfan]

So yesterday I walked in to the mother of all rows between DH and DS (14).

DS was screaming and raging at DH for stamping on his phone and more than likely fatally damaging it. According to DH, he had discovered DS had been stealing his beers (not for the 1st time), then lied about it, then smirked in DH's face when busted. DH just lost his shit at that point and grabbed the phone (possibly the only item that DS cares about).

DH has since apologised to DS and accepts
It wasn't his finest hour but point blank refuses to pay for replacement/repair - saying he is sick of DS's selfish rude attitude of late and that he needs to learn a lesson.

I'm torn. I certainly don't agree with what DH did (and he knows it) but quite frankly DS has been so utterly horrendous and perhaps needs to
Understand that parents are human too.

Stamping on a phone because your son stole some beers? I think you’ve got bigger problems here OP. Has he been violent like this before?

Breaking things in a temper is such a red flag. It really, really isn’t how most people behave. The normalising is it on this thread is a real worry.

The hysterical levels people are reaching are amazing...
This is parental abuse from a teenager, he has caused this, as many teenagers do.. that is what millions of teenagers all over the world today will do to their parents....
In this case that is your dad's beer don't take it.

We give kids cash, does this mean they can go into your purse and take money.

There is no proof this dad is violent apart from this one time.

Stop writing the future you know nothing about. ..

So much hard of thinking on here. Typically, mumsnetters are

Typically mumsnetters are trying to outdo each other without how strict they are that they're justifying what the dh did.

He did it, he admitted he did it, he said sorry, he has no form for doing this.
The son is 14. Almost a man. When is the son going to admit his part in what happened .

There is no proof this dad is violent apart from this one time

So there is proof he’s been violent. How many times would you allow violence around your child?

if you are suggesting that allowing alcohol consumption, locking certain food away and expecting a child to suck up unpredictable and violent displays from a parent is 'imposing normal rules' then it's possible you need to research the meaning of the word normal, Decomposing.

The violence is wrong. I see no issue with the rest, I had no idea it was "abnormal" not to allow DC supervised alcohol consumption as a teenager, or to have your children ask you before they make/take food, because that's just normal in my extended family and friends.

“The son is 14. Almost a man.”

And on another thread. 14 year olds are too young to be left at home alone for an hour!

The bottom line is that parents should not be modelling to their children -particularly their boy children- that it is OK to smash things in a temper.

According to your logic, I just killed at fly. .
My cat is next.

And my neighbours better not upset me this afternoon.

I am actually baffled by the mn mantra that losing your temper = propensity to violence and abuse. Doesn't everyone lose their shit sometimes? I once broke my own phone.

DH has apologised because losing your temper is never great but no DS shouldn't get a new phone till his behaviour improves.

“I am actually baffled by the mn mantra that losing your temper = propensity to violence and abuse.”

Losing your temper may not be. Losing your temper and smashing something may well be.

Well I last hit a person when I was 11, so I doubt it.

People react differently when they are angry. I would actually say smashing a phone or slamming a door for example is less bad than shouting.

Surely if the son’s behaviour warrants his phone being smashed then the OP’s husband (which was worse, he’s a grown man who can’t control his temper) should also have his phone smashed? If breaking people’s stuff when they piss you off is totally fine should the OP’s son not be encouraged to teach his father the same lesson?

It’s quite a typical escalation, smashing a phone/ hurting a pet. Not unheard of at all in abuse cases.

Utterly batshit. A phone is made of metal, plastic and glass. A pet is a living being that feels pain. The two are not even remotely comparable.

How do you put 'smashing a phone' (deliberately picking up something that belongs to someone else and doing something to destroy it) and 'slamming a door' (doing something you would do anyway, but with anger, resulting in a louder noise than usual) into the same category; and 'shouting' (which is in fact also doing something you would do anyway, but with anger, resulting in a louder noise than usual) in a different one?

“Neither the op nor her DH 'modelled' anything. She was horrified and he apologised for this one off incident.”

The thread- unless the mood has changed significantly-is saying that he did nothing wrong, the OP should back him up, and it served their son right.

Because multivac shouting is 'just' verbal.

It's interesting because I'm pretty sure everyone on this thread has done something at some point they are not proud of in temper. A minority of people are actually abusers/ deliberately behave in this way to intimidate/ do it regularly.

BertrandRussell. Not sure what your reading...
We all think the dad's smashing of a phone is wrong.....
However lots of us all thing the son needs to shoulder some blame.

...and you think that being 'just' verbal is somehow more aggressive/frightening/violent than, erm, deliberately smashing someone else's stuff? But slamming a door is the same as smashing someone else's stuff?

It's all 'just' a loss of temper. But two of your three examples are 'just' exaggerated versions of what would happen anyway. The third is something that most people have grown out of by adulthood, and involves actively doing something intended to hurt the other person.

We all think the dad's smashing of a phone is wrong.....

Really? Is that what all the 'Team DH!!!' crap is about?

You are clearly perfect vac I accept that, clearly some people probably are. You have never seen red as an adult, well done

Of course smashing a phone is wrong .