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Original poster

If you're an atheist, would you have a relationship with someone with a faith?

256 replies

IWantToBeLizzieNotCharlotte · 29/06/2019 16:53

I've just started using Bumble and there's an option to show if you're atheist/Christian/Jewish/agnostic.

A lot of men are atheist so I've assumed that it's a no-go. But it's really quite a lot of men. Am I being too picky? I wouldn't know if I met them in a bar if they were atheist Confused

OP posts:
Yabbers · 29/06/2019 23:01

I’d love to see how some of you ardent atheists would react if your own child decided they wanted to go to Church or developed a strong faith as they got older

If that’s what she wanted, that’s fine. I wouldn’t join her in it and would debate it with her if she raised it with me. If she tried to convert me she’d get the same response as I’d give to anyone else.

Smellybluecheese · 29/06/2019 23:04

I’m an atheist and there’s no way I’d get into a relationship with a religious person. I just wouldn’t be able to respect someone who believed that stuff. But MIL was catholic and FIL an atheist and they managed fine. I think he appreciated the time to himself on a Sunday morning when she took the kids to church. All 3 of those children are now atheists though.

anothernotherone · 29/06/2019 23:10

I would say I'm agnostic rather than absolutely atheist - because I definitely don't think there's certain proof of the non existence of any form of deity... however I'm an atheistic leaning agnostic!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Philosophy & religion
howrudeforme · 29/06/2019 23:12

No difference for a faith v atheist couple than it is for two people of different faith. It’s about culture and it can be a clash.

My parents v different faiths but no issues. I grew up in both no pressure to adhere to either. And I didn’t.

Married someone of another faith but lots of pressure to baptise ds etc. I just said no.Smile.happy for ds to be taken to church etc but it didn’t happen.

Depends on the views of the individuals. Harder with kids.

anothernotherone · 29/06/2019 23:23

Being made to go to church against my will every Sunday, twice on Christmas day, church schools, church events as a child is what made me an atheistic leaning agnostic though - as with a lot of other people. Initially it was the stupefying boredom, but later it was waking up to the prevalence of judgemental hypocrisy of a fairly large number of the adults... Later still I became very aware that some religious individuals and localised religious institutions do a lot of good to counterbalance the harm also done by religion, but I am sure the good people would be good people even if nobody had suggested god required it of them, and the ones doing harm would do it even without the excuse that god told them to/ approved or would forgive them...

Yinyen · 29/06/2019 23:26

I'm afraid I'm with the judgers. I tell myself to stop it but when someone is genuinely religious (and not just culturally going to church/mosque/temple because that's was they do as part if their culture ) I do question their intelligence.
If my kids became religious I would be worried that they were a bit ill (bipolar is rife in our family and it's the only time anyone is at all religious).

ZenNudist · 29/06/2019 23:26

OP you'd be better asking for views elsewhere. Some evangelical atheists on here, so convinced of their rightness they can't see what's under their noses. Seems like mental laziness to dismiss all people with faith as thick. Plus insensitive to OP.

Back in the real world mixed faith couples are the norm. If both are tolerant then the relationship is fine.

Personally I'd hold out for someone who shares your faith. I think it makes for a happier family.

OldAndWornOut · 29/06/2019 23:31

It wouldn't bother me at all.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/06/2019 23:41

Yes I have
My ex husband was a Muslim it wasn’t an issue at first but become one especially when we started taking about having children

He assumed one day I would become a believer (not necessarily a Muslim)

It’s sad as in other ways our relationship was great

It wouldn’t put me off thought having a relationship again with someone who had different religious beliefs (or political) as long as the we fundamentally had the same outlook in life

EskewedBeef · 29/06/2019 23:41

...they can't see what's under their noses.

Go on then, I've bitten. What are you hinting at here?

echt · 29/06/2019 23:44

No. The mindset of religious faith would mean a fundamental difference amounting to a deal-breaker for me.

Some evangelical atheists on here, so convinced of their rightness they can't see what's under their nose

What does that even mean?

Storkbloom · 29/06/2019 23:45

I would, but only if we agreed not to Christen the children or send them to faith schools. No matter the religion of the parent, I don't believe children should have a religion chosen for them by their parents, it should come from them.

Storkbloom · 29/06/2019 23:50

I’d love to see how some of you ardent atheists would react if your own child decided they wanted to go to Church or developed a strong faith as they got older

I might even go to church with her, I'd definitely go to her baptism. I would ask if she would like to come to a unitarian universalist church too, which I have been to before - usually "congregation" made up of mostly atheists, some agnostics and panthiest types, also Muslims and Jews etc etc, which I find absolutely amazing. All singing together and talking about current events and how we can make the world better etc. I even cried when a Jewish lady came in after her husband had died to read an excerpt from a book about Jewish prayers.

I'd be willing, but I wouldn't lie that I do not believe in God.

Storkbloom · 29/06/2019 23:50

I wouldn't lie that I believe in God, sorry

BertrandRussell · 30/06/2019 00:03

I have many friends who hold various faiths. I couldn’t be in a serious long term relationship with anyone who had diametrically opposed views on important issues to mine

BertrandRussell · 30/06/2019 00:08

“I’d love to see how some of you ardent atheists would react if your own child decided they wanted to go to Church or developed a strong faith as they got older”
I’d be fine with it- that’s their choice.
Incidentally, I know that does happen- but it doesn’t happen very often.

maloofhoof · 30/06/2019 00:17

I'm atheist. DP goes to church weekly. It's never been an issue, we respect the others views and it rarely comes up in conversation. If we were to have a child (unlikely as I have 2 teens from my first marriage and I'm now 40) then we have already agreed that they would decide what they believe themselves once old enough so there would be no christening nor church going for them before then.

Haworthia · 30/06/2019 00:19

It’s a deal breaker for me.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/06/2019 00:32

No matter the religion of the parent, I don't believe children should have a religion chosen for them by their parents, it should come from them.

Yes.
OP, would you marry someone of a different faith? Would you be ok with them insisting that any child you had together was raised in their faith? If not, why would you expect an atheist to go along with raising a child in yours?

SuperMumTum · 30/06/2019 00:44

I did and it wasn't an issue. We had one conversation about having DC christened where i put my foot down and barely ever discussed religion again in 10 years (we're now seperated). Ex MIL is a firm beliver in Christianity and occasionally speaks to the DCs about her beliefs. The DCs know that my side of the family think it's total guff and that they are free to make up their own minds. The DCs know that I will never go to church but I don't stop them exploring any faith they want to. I'm pretty confident that being intelligent human beings they will chose atheism as they get older but I don't want to be accused of pushing it on them.

Greensleeves · 30/06/2019 00:59

No, I wouldn't. I need to be with somebody who is on my wavelength and shares my basic values, and I need to be able to respect their beliefs and world view, and vice versa. None of which would be possible with someone who believed in God, gods, goddesses, souls or supernatural beings of any kind.

VetOnCall · 30/06/2019 04:43

No I couldn't, it's an absolute dealbreaker for me. It was one of my main stipulations when OLD that they weren't religious. I couldn't be more of an atheist and I just couldn't be in a relationship with someone who believed in God/any other deity; it would be such a fundamental difference in views and way of looking at life and the world we live in. Fortunately I found that the majority of men on OLD were non-religious so it was never an issue in all the time I did it.

I don't have kids and don't intend to so that's not a consideration.

User10fuckingmillion · 30/06/2019 05:04

I would. I’m quite surprised by the general consensus actually.

Ragwort · 30/06/2019 08:33

Interesting comments regarding my question about how you would react if your DC developed a faith when you were an an atheist.

I am that ‘child’ (although over 60 Grin), my parents, both still alive and in good health at nearly 90 have never been ‘religious’ but I know that they completely respect my faith & involvement with the Church (which focuses heavily around issues of social justice) and I am sure they don’t think I am ‘dim’ or have mental health issues Hmm.

thethethethethe · 30/06/2019 08:39

Would you be expecting your DH to go to hell when he died? If so, a dealbreaker.

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