If you're an atheist, would you have a relationship with someone with a faith?

[IWantToBeLizzieNotCharlotte]

I've just started using Bumble and there's an option to show if you're atheist/Christian/Jewish/agnostic.

A lot of men are atheist so I've assumed that it's a no-go. But it's really quite a lot of men. Am I being too picky? I wouldn't know if I met them in a bar if they were atheist

I said presumably and added a question mark. That OK with you?

That OK with you

Obviously it wasnt or I wouldn’t have said anything

I think it's important to remember, there are good reasons that atheists have no respect for religion. I look down on religion in the same way I look down on "psychics", for example. They pray on vulnerable people for personal gain. I had a friend who had been trying to conceive for years, obviously unbeknownst to the psychic, she told my friend she would give birth within 2 years. When that didn't happen, my friend was all the more depressed. Yes, I do question the ability to think critically of anyone who believes these fraudsters in the same way I'd question my friends if they were religious. Atheists have also been persecuted for centuries. I have personally seen death - wholly attributed to religious disputes. My friend was told her (toddler) child died because she must have sinned and this was God's punishment. Religion has held back scientific advancements by centuries. Many, many more examples. These, coupled with just how bizarre the idea of a deity is contribute to my total lack of respect for any of the many theoretical deities. I've been told many times by people of faith that atheism is ridiculous... doesn't really bother me. I've also been told I'll spend eternity in hell. I'd prefer that anyways, more my kinda people in hell if that's how shit rolls

My mother who has a faith doesn't seem to understand that you can be an athiest and still be a good person. She sees people with faith as better.

In order for her to "understand" that she'd have to agree with a moral code that does not make faith a pre-requisite of being good.

I suppose you can't really expect a believer to neccessarily think that an atheist's subjective moral code and judgments of good/bad, trumps the true correct religious one. Which may judge that being a believer is a pre-requisite of being good.

I'm fine with our children being baptised and going to church, I feel that falls firmly under the umbrella of being exposed to religion. The same as not having meat on a Friday, we can spin that as it's good for the environment as well.

My partner is not a massively committed Catholic in that she doesn't attend church weekly but the rest of the family does. She's also well aware of the issues with the church.

My father was an atheist who attended church as he considered it a form of social club while my mother was actually religious. It worked for our family and I can't see any reason why it won't for mine.

Making faith a prerequisite of being good is silly though, you can be kind to others, help the environment, respect your parents, do any number of good things without faith. Compare that person to a person with faith who rapes someone or who is controlling... How many people murder someone but are still a man of faith and pray to God on their prison cell? There are many atheists that are objectively better people than people of faith, and there are objevtively people of faith who are more morak than athiests.

Is an atheist who is kind to others just through virtue of wanting to be kind better morally than a Christian who is only kind to others because it's what Jesus would do, it's what God wants, and it will help them get to Heaven? I think so.

Intentions matter. Being good is entirely separate to faith.

I mean anyone that can see someone doing good in the world, but will judge them as bad simply for having no faith, are bizarre people.

Relationships are about respect, so as long as you each respect each other in terms of beliefs there should be no issue. Best to discuss it earlier rather than later.

Fine for us. We are both tolerant people. DH is atheist, I'm Catholic. DC are being raised Catholic, they will decide when they are older.

Tbh I come from a long line of religiously tolerant and religion tolerating people and it hasn't caused huge issues.

Fascinating that the examples of tolerance put forward seem to be about PofF doing it their way. Nobody seems to be saying “the children are being raised as atheists but they can decide for themselves when they’re older” The Jesuit Principle obviously applies

Nah, I wouldn’t. I’ve always been an Atheist and religion is something I just can’t get on board with. My family are religious and I’ve always avoided discussing that aspect of life so it’d be the same with a partner, avoids conflict. I’d resent the fact they went to church/synagogue/mosque/temple regularly and find them fairly ridiculous for believing tbh.

Having been brainwashed from a young age brought up in it from birth and having finally got away, not a chance in hell.

I still have friends who believe. We never discuss it but I couldn't live with it day in day out.

The most successful relationship I have known was a Catholic woman with a deeply pagan man. They were deeply in love and raised their children together with very few issues due to a mutual respect of each other. It can work out but each party simply must be able to respect the other's beliefs and choices.

@Damntheman What faith were the children brought up in?

I'm a cultural CofE, I do enjoy a bit of church very occasionally and I've brought my children up the same way. I could have a relationship with someone of any faith (or none) as long as their attitude to religion was the same as mine ie not important and live and let live.

I would draw the line at dc being actively raised in a non Christian faith though.

On the point about children: I've got one atheist parent and one Christian - both very much of the "I disagree with what you say but would die in a ditch for your right to say it" persuasion. I wasn't raised as anything, I was genuinely left to make my own mind up. My (Christian) DM respected my DF's wishes and I therefore wasn't baptised. I could choose whether to attend church. I'm an atheist.

DH is of a non-Christian faith. Our DS, like me, isn't being raised as anything or practising any religion. He is exposed, in random ways, to both DH's and my different world views at home, and also to Christianity via grandparents and at school. I think it's a good early lesson in living with difference and diversity. (Since the vicar got a bit heavy-handed with the religious stuff at school, DS has joined me in the atheist corner - Jesuit principle backfiring there :-).)

I'm a former Catholic and present atheist. DD was baptised a Catholic but never made it to FHC. She had DGS baptised an Anglican, and her bff took godmotherhood seriously enough to be received into the church. Or not seriously at all, the English Church being a bureaucracy more than anything.

Fascinating that the examples of tolerance put forward seem to be about PofF doing it their way. Nobody seems to be saying “the children are being raised as atheists but they can decide for themselves when they’re older”

You say fascinating I say, just a few examples on this thread. Ive certainly come across PoF raising their kids to be able to choose. Sometimes even on mumsnet. Maybe I'm just in a very relaxed Catholic school but its wall to wall one parent only having faith and dc being given free rein on whether or not to come to church.

“Maybe I'm just in a very relaxed Catholic school but its wall to wall one parent only having faith and dc being given free rein on whether or not to come to church”

So why are they in a Catholic school?

Both DP and I are Christians, practicing, but sinning (not married, 2 kids etc). However if I were single I'd not give 2 fucks whether you were Christian/Muslim/Jewish/Witch...

As long as he was kind, loving, accepting and good in bed...

Bertrand

Its a good school.

@BertrandRussell there are six kids, the oldest four are 16-20 and the youngest two are 2 and 4. They've been raised to choose for themselves, the family is extremely progressive and accepting - I adore them

“Its a good school“

Ah. Straight hypocrisy then. Fair enough.

It’s not hypocritical to send DC to a good school. Most UK schools teach religion as fact.

If you're only viable choices of schools were an Outstanding religious one Vs a struggling non-religious one, you would choose to send your children to the school they are likely to do worse at?