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Original poster

I’ve been reported as a missing person!

350 replies

Lizzielocket · 21/06/2019 00:30

Frequent poster and have name changed for this.
I was woken by my mobile ringing about 40 minutes ago, I answered it on the second call, it was the police, they were outside my property and wanted to come in. I duly went downstairs and let them in.
I was starting to feel panicky as I have elderly parents and an adult DD who doesn’t live at home anymore.
I was asked my full name which I told them, they then told me I have been reported as a missing person. Somebody had told them that my father and partner couldn’t make contact with me and they were very worried about me. I was with my father this afternoon and I said goodnight to my partner around 2 hours ago by text as he’s at an airport and was about to fly.
I am now in bed with a cup of tea and feeling very confused. They checked on my sleeping DC too.
I don’t know why I’m posting to be honest, has anybody else experienced this?
I’m a very normal woman with a very normal life, they insisted that the call to them wasn’t malicious. So very confused!

OP posts:

NigellaAwesome · 21/06/2019 23:23

It's my specialism.

Honeyroar · 21/06/2019 23:53

It’s a funny thing for your friend to think of as a pick up anyway if it was him. I don’t think it would have freaked me out at all, so how could he know that you’d call him? A scary phone call would have been more likely that you’d call him..

musicinthewoods · 22/06/2019 00:01

Definitely your 'friend'. Please tell the police his name.

It is not OK for you to feel unsafe in your home whilst they hold onto the information re: the initial report

Pannalash · 22/06/2019 00:30

And you know it is ‘definitely’ the OPs friend how exactly music ?

mathanxiety · 22/06/2019 03:39

DoulaDaisy Fri 21-Jun-19 15:42:25

To anyone who thinks it was the friend, what would be the reason he'd do something like that? He obvs doesn't want to get in her knickers or bed because he would have tried it last night when she asked him to come over instead he just went to sleep on the sofa.

I think if it is him that he is playing a long game.
It would be too obvious if he had made a move last night. Instead he was there with the shoulder to cry on.
...While her DH was conveniently away.

I would be very interested if he magically happens to be willing and able and available to help out when some other crisis arises. Maybe appearing with a handy set of tools or expertise if something happened to her gate or her doorbell or her car, or if someone threw a stone at her front window, etc.

People who are deviant can be very meticulous and patient in the planning and execution or a scheme.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/06/2019 04:35

Sorry to say I also know someone who had their door broken down, they didn’t even give her time to answer it really. They had the wrong address, they were looking for a dealer. They refused to pay for the damage. They said she should have got to the door earlier.

If your friend/acquaintance had pursued that (and I can well understand why she wouldn't as it's a very traumatic thing to be a victim of), the police could have been on extremely dodgy ground there.

If she'd been elderly (age discrimination), disabled (disability discrimination), tending to a baby (sex discrimination as more likely to be female), foreign/from a different culture and confused (racial discrimination), they could have found themselves in trouble. To anybody saying they didn't know that any of these could have been the case, they also didn't known that any of these COULDN'T have been the case.

Even if she was 25, not a parent, 100% fit and healthy, she could still have had any of a number of perfectly normal everyday reasons for not getting to the door within 30 seconds. Apart from anything else, unless a prisoner, it's 100% not a crime to not be at home at any time.

It's annoying enough when some delivery people expect you to be sitting behind your front door with your hand on the key/handle at all times, able to respond within 5 seconds before they just walk away after knocking, but at least missing a parcel isn't usually traumatic.

This is disgusting, inexcusable behaviour by the police. Unless you could actually see unmistakeable signs of there being a fire behind the door or hear screaming (and clearly not routine baby/toddler noise), it would be inexcusable by anybody.

Soola · 22/06/2019 05:20

My husband can answer the door fairly quickly but it takes me longer and I hate it when a courier pounds on the door like it’s some raid upon your home when you haven’t come to the door in three seconds!

Original poster

Lizzielocket · 22/06/2019 05:51

Morning all
Soola they were attractive young men but alas definitely not visiting me for a booty call.

Thanks for all your theories and replies, it’s much appreciated.

I left the thread yesterday evening because I was feeling reluctant and a little bit worried about going home. All the talk about stalkers etc had unnerved me somewhat.
I had a quiet and uneventful evening with the DC and slept like a baby.

I’ve outlined what happened to DP, he is as baffled as me, I didn’t mention that there is the slight possibility that it may be our friend.

Discussed the possibility that it may be my friend with DD, she has got a sensible head on her shoulders and he has been in her life since she was born, he’s been a bigger presence in our lives since we got into our late 30’s and now early 40’s because he’s slowed his lifestyle down.
She suspects it may be him, she is far less naive than me and half my age!
Friend has only ever had brief relationships, he is a little eccentric, he used to DJ in his 20’s and I know for a fact he was very successful with one night stands that didn’t develop into anything more.
As a pp said he has always been there for me through hell or high water, he has never let me down. Yet he has never laid a hand on me or hinted that he wanted anything more.
Known and been friends with him for 30 years, I’m as close to his mother as I am my own. I have some form of contact with him every day, please can I stress that it’s not some sort of emotional affair, I’m very happy with my DP and DP knows the extent of the friendship and has no issues with it.

My brain is still ticking on this, I’m reluctant to think it’s him but I don’t know who else it could be. I may possibly distance myself a little bit until DP comes home and we discuss it together.

Regarding the police, they were only doing their job and they did nothing wrong, they checked out a call about a suspected missing person. I didn’t ask if the mystery caller was a man or a woman, I only asked them for a name. I don’t see any need to take it further unless something else occurs.

I’ve been through my phone contacts and there is nobody on there who I suspect. Unless my number has been passed onto somebody else which is unlikely.

I’m still as baffled as I was yesterday morning but not too concerned about it this morning.

Once again thanks all, I will be back to update if anything else happens but I’m really hoping it won’t!

OP posts:

Soola · 22/06/2019 06:47

I don’t think it was your long standing friend.

If he really wanted to be with you he could have phoned saying he was feeling a bit down and you being friends would have invited him over.

It’s a bit elaborate to involve the police especially if you don’t know for certain that the police could deliberately or accidentally tell you who the informer was.

EskiVodkaCranberry · 22/06/2019 07:44

DP working away, I'd consider if it was him checking up on you

RebootYourEngine · 22/06/2019 07:44

If this was a movie it would be the friend. The story would go that he has been in love with you for 30 years and that's the reason why he hasn't settled down.

Original poster

Lizzielocket · 22/06/2019 08:20

Soola your right, he only has to call and is welcome to pop round, whoever did it is obviously quite immature and not quite right, reporting a person as missing when they are clearly not is not normal behaviour.

If DP wanted to keep tabs on me he could very easily, he wouldn’t need to involve the police.

RebootYourEngine that’s what DD said!

OP posts:

MotherOfDragonite · 22/06/2019 08:37

A bit random but have you been doxxed? Do you take part in any controversial conversations on the internet and is it possible that this is a warning that your address and details have leaked?

Graceymac99 · 22/06/2019 09:06

Could it be a work colleague? Many years ago my old manager experienced a campaign of harassment by a disgruntled employee. During this time an she was met by an undertaker who arrived in our workplace to collect her body, plumbers, taxis and pizzas turned up at her home. She had menacing phone calls at work and home from an unknown male. Despite changing her number several times and not releasing new numbers the calls continued. This employees partner was a police officer which is how it was thought she was able to access the new numbers. There was never any hard evidence against the person but it was strongly believed to be a particular individual who had been suspended and was later dismissed.

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 09:31

I can't see any argument for it being the friend

what a massive faff

he just needs to call and he knows you will help so if it was that way, all he had to do was wait for your DP to be away. Not place a call to the police.

EleanorReally · 22/06/2019 09:42

how did friend react when you told him the story op?

Treefloof · 22/06/2019 09:44

I can't see any argument for it being the friend

what a massive faff

he just needs to call and he knows you will help so if it was that way, all he had to do was wait for your DP to be away. Not place a call to the police
Then you are lucky to have never had a stalker, never had to read up on this stuff, never been scared for your life etc.
It's a mental illness and its not pleasant for the stalkee. It usual escalates slowly and often by the time you realise you definitely have someone stalking you, it's at a dangerous level.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 22/06/2019 09:48

I don’t think it’s the friend.
They’re are a lot of people on here who cannot believe that men and women can be friends without one of them being in love with the other.

TheInebriati · 22/06/2019 09:48

I can't see any argument for it being the friend

What the stalker gets out of it in this type of situation is the target feels alarmed and he gets to play white knight. Its about power and control.

This book has info on stalkers, how to spot them and how to deal with them. You can download or read it online;
Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
tinyurl.com/GiftoFear

Happynow001 · 22/06/2019 10:05

Graceymac99

This employees partner was a police officer which is how it was thought she was able to access the new numbers.
Was any check made by the police? I.e. the ex-employee's partner's access to police computers? If so do you know what happened?

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 10:08

not to cause offence to anyone, I do know about stalking, I just didn't think the friend was a likely candidate, just my personal thoughts.

Lindy2 · 22/06/2019 10:12

I do think it's a shame that a 30 year friendship is at risk because of speculation.
I would be baffled too though OP. It seems such a bizarre thing for anyone to do.

RidgedPerfection · 22/06/2019 10:38

For those saying that the police should be contacted again to ascertain the identity of the person who made the report; the police may not know. Crimestoppers for example is an anonymous means of reporting and is used often to report all sorts of offences / concerns for welfare etc.

nikkylou · 22/06/2019 10:39

What's strange is that this person who reported you missing clearly knows key detail about you but made no attempt to use them other than to pass on to the police.
You haven't mentioned any missed calls, I assume your dad or partner haven't had any calls or messages asking after you. No-one has attempted to come over - if I was apparently this worried and you weren't in, I'd leave a note in the door!
If I was reported missing I'd like to think, if it was genuine, I'd have a good idea who it was.
The posters saying your friend is playing a long game to get with you...he's known you - did you say, 30 years?, when's he planning the end game? When you're 90? I'm not saying it's impossible he's would try but I'd think after 30 years I know if my friend would even entertain the idea of leaving their husband for me!

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 11:10

Ridged so I could ring Crimestoppers and say I haven't seen/heard from my sister for a week and neither has mum, and I'm worried, could you go by - and they would go by her home at around midnight, based on the anonymous report?

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