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Original poster

WWYD - Woman crying in the street

204 replies

ExhaustedGrinch · 18/06/2019 19:19

There's a specific reason I have to ask this, will explain in a later post once I've got some answers.

Scenario is this: You're just wandering around town/city and you see a woman crying to herself. She's not wailing or sobbing loudly but just wiping tears away that won't stop falling.

What would you think about a person if you saw them crying in town?

How would you react?

TIA to anyone who answers Smile

OP posts:
tuxedocatsintophats · 18/06/2019 20:57

I mean, I wouldn't assume the crying person was pathetic or weak but also wouldn't assume people are knobs if they don't stop.

tuxedocatsintophats · 18/06/2019 20:58

I would have offered to take her home if I could have.

Wouldn't it have been more sensible to ring 999 if you see a person stumbling and bloodied rather than take a random stranger to your home Hmm.

mindutopia · 18/06/2019 20:59

I'm pretty sure we've all been this person before. I cried on the train coming home from work a couple months ago because I'd been having some health issues and I felt so ill and was just so fed up with feeling ill all the time and never getting any answers as to way (I have since figured out what the likely cause is and it's treatable and improving, thankfully). I would feel for her. But I wouldn't intervene. Nothing wrong with having feelings. I'd just let her get on with feeling them.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/06/2019 21:01

I don't think it's unreasonable not to stop or speak to the person, either. Yes, sometimes you're on too tight a schedule to get mixed up in some random's troubles and that's fair enough. Or you've been burned in the past by people appealing for help who then demand or steal money.

mimimoo22 · 18/06/2019 21:04

I would probably leave her.
I used to walk around central London regularly with tears streaming down my face ( I wore dark glasses always) after my father died on my days off.
I was grieving and struggling but it just came out in tears as when I was working I had to put on a mask and hold it all in. Asking if I was ok was not what I needed as no I wasn’t and nothing anyone did would help.
I got over it eventually.

Boysey45 · 18/06/2019 21:05

I once was scratched in the eyeball by a bramble when cutting down a bush. The pain was out of this world and I had to go to A and E on the bus. Whilst waiting at the bus stop a woman stopped and asked me if I was alright, as my face was wet with my eyes watering.She thought I was crying because I was upset. I appreciated being asked.
I'd stop and ask someone, I wouldn't think anyone was pathetic for crying.

theSnuffster · 18/06/2019 21:05

I had this happen once. Lady crying outside the job centre, crouched down and breathing deeply as if she was in pain, and I could see maternity notes sticking out of her bag. I thought maybe she was in labour! I walked past then turned and walked back to her and asked if she was ok. She told me about how she'd walked miles from the next town to her appointment at the job centre, who then couldn't help her as she didn't have all the right documents with her. It was cold and raining and starting to get dark. She said something about her Dad coming to get her after work but that she had to wait a few hours. So I gave her directions to the nearest cafe that would still be open, emptied my purse in to her hands (only a few pounds) and told her to get herself a warm drink.

I saw her several times in the following few weeks and for various reasons believe it was all a scam. Either way, she clearly needed those few pounds from my purse more than I did.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 18/06/2019 21:06

*What would you think about a person if you saw them crying in town?

I'd feel sorry for them that there was something that made them cry. I certainly wouldn't think them odd or weak, just a person being a person.

Unless I genuinely couldn't spare the time (like I was rushing for a train) or I thought my safety would be at risk, I'd always stop and ask them if they were OK. Obviously they're not OK because they're crying in the street, and maybe they want to be left alone, but sometimes just someone caring enough to stop and ask means a lot. I was alone and several hours travel from home when I found out I was losing my job. I cried throughout the whole train journey home and I remain endlessly grateful to the people who stopped to check if I was OK, to give me tissues and tell me things would be alright. I wish I could find them to say thank you.

Dljlr · 18/06/2019 21:10

I was sobbing all over a male friend on a bench at a relatively deserted beach 3 years ago. A woman approached and positioned herself with her back to my friend, looking at me, and asked me if I was ok; several times. I was embarrassed and kept insisting I was fine. Retrospectively I thought she was wonderful - very obviously mindful that it was potentially the man with me who was making me cry, and willing to offer me help.

I wouldn't think that you were pathetic. I'd do what she did for me.

PetrichorRain · 18/06/2019 21:12

I’d ask if you were ok. Once I was crying in the car park of a Sainsbury’s soon after my mum died and a lady asked me if I was ok. I’ll always remember how kind she was.

Clankboing · 18/06/2019 21:14

DH saw a lady crying. He was with our 4 DC who mentioned it to me after. He asked if she was ok and she said she was going to prison :-( and slumped to the floor. It was very upsetting. I remember it because my children were very thoughtful about it after. They thought their dad was kind - he is!

manicinsomniac · 18/06/2019 21:16

I wouldn't do anything. There's no point in asking if they're ok because they're obviously not! I wouldn't ask what was wrong as it's intrusive and likely unwelcome. If I was more socially competent I might ask if there was anything I could do but a) I still think it sounds like fishing for private info, b) I'd find it so awkward to be asked that in their position and c) I couldn't cope if they actually did ask for some help!

I wouldn't think badly of them. I can't cry in public (at my dad's funeral, I spent most of it looking at the ceiling because unless my face was horizontal the tears in my eyes would come out and I was so determined to keep them in - I was young, in my defence!) but I see that as more of a weakness than being able to.

theemmadilemma · 18/06/2019 21:18

I've broken down in public more than once.

I will never, ever forget the elder lady who when I was waiting to get bloods done to confirm another miscarriage, just gently touched my arm and asked 'are you ok dear?' as she passed me a tissue.

I would, and have do the same.

Ambydex · 18/06/2019 21:19

OP I hope you can see the resounding agreement on this thread that people just have sympathy, they don't think it looks weak or pathetic.

I don't think we need to bicker on how awful it is, or not, to just leave people be. Like mimimoo I've used walking in London as a sort of privacy, and my autistic son simply cannot cope with people approaching when he is overwhelmed. I think keeping a respectful distance is fine. The bystander effect is also a thing, no matter how much people are sure they'd be the one to step in. But OP whatever people choose to do or not do about it, I think the only person branding you weak is you yourself.

Havenly · 18/06/2019 21:34

I have stopped twice in this type of situation. One, the woman was an alcoholic and crying that her (grown up) children didn't want to see her. I'm afraid I wasnt sympathetic as my DH was an alcoholic who died when our children were very young and I felt angry with the woman and agreed with her children.
The second time, I asked a crying woman if she was Ok and she said "I wish I was dead". I sat for a while and got her to phone Samaritans. Then she put me on to Samaritans who said they weren't allowed to call an ambulance for her but I could. So I called 999. Eventually the police came for her and I had to go and collect DCs from school.
I have been the crying woman in the street- see what happened to DH above. Someone called the police and they took me and my DS aged 3 home.

mycatismeowican · 18/06/2019 21:43

I wouldn't get involved to be honest. I've been in this country a long time and have become very 'mind my own business british'.

Yabbers · 18/06/2019 21:47

When I’ve seen it, I’ve approached them and checked if they were ok. I usually carry a pack of hankies and offer one out. Sometimes they were taken, and I checked if they were ok. Other times I got a smile and an ‘it’s ok, i’m fine’

I can’t think how a person can walk past another person crying in the street.

LizzieSiddal · 18/06/2019 21:48

I hope you are reassured by these answers. I always tell my DDs, if they cry and feel embarrassed- "go ahead and cry, it's better out than in."

IamTheMama · 18/06/2019 21:48

I would offer help. I see someone sitting by the dumpster of a fast food I offer to buy them food. I see people in the cold/rain I offer clothes I keep in my trunk and call around for an open bed. I see someone crying I offer help. Heck people laugh at me. I could be at walmart or an amusement park and one person asks if I know where: next thing I know I'm a tour director. What would I think of them. I would think they need help.

LizzieSiddal · 18/06/2019 21:49

Havenly Flowers

Yabbers · 18/06/2019 21:53

I wouldn't get involved to be honest. I've been in this country a long time and have become very 'mind my own business british'.

I’ve been here all my life and don’t recognise this as Britishness.

RedPink · 18/06/2019 21:54

My Mam cry's at the drop of a hat. She always whips her sunglasses on when she starts. OP, would sunglasses make you feel less self conscious?

RedPink · 18/06/2019 21:54

Sorry for typo Shock

KavvLar · 18/06/2019 21:56

I wouldn’t think it was weak or embarrassing. I would ask if you were ok and if there was anything I could do? Have done many times before. I’d rather offer and be rebuffed than leave someone who might need a listening ear.

ShitStrategy · 18/06/2019 22:00

I remember crying silently on a train home from work twice (once when I thought the time had come to put my dog down, and once when I'd been ill for weeks and felt dreadful but couldn't get any answers like a PP said). Interestingly I didn't cry on the 4 hour train journey back from Cornwall when my stepfather died, I was totally numb.

No one asked me if I was OK when I was obviously crying but I would have been endlessly grateful if they had. If I saw someone crying I would take a cautious recce to make sure I wasn't about to be mugged, and then offer a tissue and a sympathetic nod. I don't think I would say anything - I guess if they felt like speaking they would.

OP nobody would think you were weak or pathetic. The people that actually think that wouldn't even notice you were crying in the first place. Generally speaking, most human beings have a bit of compassion in there somewhere.