Did you change your surname after marriage?

[user1489792710]

The other thread in AIBU got me thinking about changing surnames after marriage.

I didn't change mine. DH would have liked me to and sometimes would ask in mock anger why I haven't. For professional reasons it made sense to stick to my maiden name as most of my qualifications and certification are in that name. So for work I use my maiden name. It's completely unpronounceable and would make sense to change to the easier married name. However I feel it's "my" name my identity and would really hate to change it.

I'm from an Asian country with predominantly Buddhist culture and married women do change their name to take on their husbands although it's not a must. It's 50/50 among my friends back home.

Just curious as to what the UK is doing?

IcedPurple maybe my DH is very unusual but he was perfectly happy to take my name. He thought my name was nicer than his, which he found dull. He liked the fact that mine was very unusual and had family history.

I've posted about DH before. He would have roared with laughter if you called him one but all his instincts were feminist.

@Kennehora Yup. If a woman wants to change her name, fine. Her choice and all that. But please let's not pretend that these 'choices' are made in a vacumn, and haven't been influenced by millenia of patriarachal traditions.

maybe my DH is very unusual but he was perfectly happy to take my name

Did he take your name and give up his own, with only your name being given to the children (if you have any)? If so then yes, your hubbie is the real deal! Hold him tight!

I changed my name. I felt that getting married was a huge life change, for me. And I wanted to reflect that. I’m a different person.

I did. It was generally the done thing when I married 15 years ago. I suspect fewer women do so now. I kind of regret it, as its a bit weird in this day and age now I think of it. However, my father is a class A prick so maybe that was a factor.

dearlady

Wasn't it that big a deal for your husband, then?

I did. But I was very young and it was the norm in the 70s. Not sure I would now.

Yes, because I didn't really want my surname anymore. It was from my dad who I had little relationship with and who died when I was a teenager. I didn't know anyone else with my surname.

Changing it my my dh's meant I finally had people in my life who were my family who shared a name with me, especially so after we had dc. We could have picked another name altogether, I suppose, but I actually wanted to share the same name as his family. I didn't really want a whole new name for all of us, as the symbolism was important to me.

I was known professionally under my maiden name, but changing it had no effect and wasn't an issue at all.

I was going to keep my name

Then dh and I decided to change both our names so we had the same name

And then his dad completely lost t...out of the will never darken my door shit

So I changed mine to his

Completely agree that no ‘decisions’ are made in a vacuum

Ultimately yes, I think they do

How odd. Yes, decisions are not made in a vacuum but that doesn’t mean that some of those decisions are not truly what a person would have chosen even in a vacuum.

I’m probably talking shite anyway, but those are my thoughts.

A friend of mine changed her name to his

Then something went tits up family wise...can’t remember what

So years later they changed their name and their childrens name to hers

How odd. Yes, decisions are not made in a vacuum but that doesn’t mean that some of those decisions are not truly what a person would have chosen even in a vacuum.

Again, though: If changing your name on marriage is such a neutral thing which 'people' just want to do, why is it exclusively a female practice?

Professionally I've kept my maiden name, but taken dh name for everything else, and changed on all docs etc.

Out of interest, genuinely, what do people envisage their children to do when / if they eventually marry and have children? So for example you and dh have hyphenated or given both surnames, say they meet a partner down the line with the same set up, you'd then be in a situation with four surnames if both sides wanted to keep the tradition you'd set up?

I did then changed it back after divorce!

So for example you and dh have hyphenated or given both surnames, say they meet a partner down the line with the same set up, you'd then be in a situation with four surnames if both sides wanted to keep the tradition you'd set up?

Hundreds of millions of people in Spain and the Spanish speaking world manage just fine with such a system. The children are given both names, and when or if they marry and have children, the children will be given the first of the two names. So when Sara Lopez Garcia has a son called Andres with Luis Sanchez Fernandez, he will be Andres Sanchez Lopez. Usually the name that is passed on is the father's name, but as someone explained above, this is not obligatory and if a couple prefer, the mother's name can take precedence.

Sounds a much preferable system to the woman abandoning her entire family identity in favour of the man's.

rufus just demonstrated that there can be phenomenal pressure to change! It’s so stressful!

kenn

Thanks

I reckon he will outlive everyone!!

Heaven forbid a woman makes a choice either way for anything.

Its probably a lucky escape to be honest

Dh wanted Wolf as our surname

He wanted Ulysses for a childs name

This is why he isnt allowed to name our children

@Kennehora i didn't suggest you were, it was a genuine question out of interest. In no way do I think you're wrong. Do what you like. Tradition is not a dirty word either, we have lots of family traditions that I do with my mum and will definitely be doing with my own children. If they also think the tradition is a good idea and retain it, lovely, if not, each to their own.

Thank you @IcedPurple interesting that in general it's still the fathers name carries through.

you as has been said, it's not as simple as making a choice, no choices are made in a vacuum.

No for reasons that it's my name and also professional reasons.

Kids have his (v boring) surname. Mine is fairly unusual.

Hell yes I couldn't wait. I've hated my first name all my life and it didn't fit/flow with my surname.