Guy who doesn't insist on picking up the bill on a first date?

[RosesandCuddles]

Ok so I've been on countless dates with a variety of different men - the thing they all had in common is that they'd immediately assume they were paying for whatever we got on the first date (whether it was food or a drink) and if I politely offered to split the bill, they'd immediately refuse and insist they pay for it.

Whereas a first date I had recently, it was in a cafe so just a drink for £1.50 anyway, when he assumed he's paying for both of us and then I kinda offered to pay for mine, he said "up to you really, you can if you want. No pressure", which I was a bit surprised about because every other guy (10+) has always continued to insist they're paying and usually for pricier things than a £1.50 drink...

I know I shouldn't have offered to pay if I didn't mean it and he still did pay but it kinda bugs me a little (only due to the fact every other guy has insisted, not just on the first date but always whereas with this person, it was first date) and he's financially similar to the others.

I guess he probably said it in favour of equality/feminism etc. and I know I'm going to get a lot of hate on here for even complaining about this..I'm not a gold digger but I guess it's the sentiment/thought they they want to provide etc. hard to explain really..!

everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/let-him-pay-bad-feminist/

Except they are

No. I think I’ve out-earned pretty much everyone I’ve ever dated (am a heterosexual female).

Lesson learned @ItsGoingTibiaK

In which case the OP has no platform on which to whinge.

People with penises are not necessarily better off financially

Except they are.

So, you are saying that every male earns more than every female? Have you actually thought that through?

Males aren’t better off than females - both have equal earning potential. Both go to school, Uni, get jobs. Everyone should (with exceptions for health issues) be able to support themselves and if you are out for a drink or meal with a date, be willing and financial able to pay. You don’t go out with someone expecting them to pay for you.

@LikeDolphins I'm a 45-year old man who earns £22k a year. I work for a charity in a very rewarding job that I love. Do you earn less than me?

I would expect the man to pay on a first date, and on every subsequent date.

But why would you expect this? On what basis?

On the basis that you don't get anything for free in life, why would you expect to freeload off a man you have only just met? Why should he pay for the privilege of meeting you? If the man pays, he expects something in return, why would you want that?

He clearly didn’t fancy you OP.

(Nb: I actually think he was just a respectful guy not wanting to impose himself on you, but you’re not content with that answer so I’m giving you one from the 1950s rule book instead)

Interesting to see what the consensus is on here though, and comparing it to watching First Dates...watched it loads and have only ever seen one woman insist on paying her share

That’s what I wrote in this thread a few days back...so was quite interested to see last night’s episode with Lisa, a feminist on it. She was all for talking about it, but when it came to pay her offer of going Dutch was a bit half hearted - and unclear if they did. I did find this which seems to imply she let him pay: www.realitytitbit.com/channel-4/first-dates-mark-and-lisa-spark-feminism-debate-as-fans-point-at-the-bill-split
Have to say, despite my views I was rather disappointed, especially considering she didn’t want to see him again.

he assumed he's paying for both of us and then I kinda offered to pay for mine, he said "up to you really, you can if you want. No pressure"

OP I can understand wanting a man to offer to pay on a first date if I’m being honest but it sounds like your date did that. More importantly, I am wondering how the conversation went, when you offered to pay, he said “up to you” and what did you say then? “Okay, you pay, I was only pretending to offer”??

LikeDolphins I'm a 45-year old man who earns £22k a year. I work for a charity in a very rewarding job that I love. Do you earn less than me?

I think you have misunderstood me. I was trying to point out the ridiculousness of a PP’s statement that all men earn more than all women.

He offered, you refused, he accepted your refusal. I don't get it.

I have been on a few dates and each and every time I have paid half, insisted, nicely, on it. I do not want any man to feel he HAS to pay for me just because that is the old fashioned thing to do. If one of those dates had lead to another and another and then they wanted to pay, fair enough. But definitely pay your way on a first date.

It also stops me feeling guilty and as if I am using them especially if I don't want a second date with them.