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Original poster

Guy who doesn't insist on picking up the bill on a first date?

140 replies

RosesandCuddles · 16/06/2019 22:27

Ok so I've been on countless dates with a variety of different men - the thing they all had in common is that they'd immediately assume they were paying for whatever we got on the first date (whether it was food or a drink) and if I politely offered to split the bill, they'd immediately refuse and insist they pay for it.

Whereas a first date I had recently, it was in a cafe so just a drink for £1.50 anyway, when he assumed he's paying for both of us and then I kinda offered to pay for mine, he said "up to you really, you can if you want. No pressure", which I was a bit surprised about because every other guy (10+) has always continued to insist they're paying and usually for pricier things than a £1.50 drink...

I know I shouldn't have offered to pay if I didn't mean it and he still did pay but it kinda bugs me a little (only due to the fact every other guy has insisted, not just on the first date but always whereas with this person, it was first date) and he's financially similar to the others.

I guess he probably said it in favour of equality/feminism etc. and I know I'm going to get a lot of hate on here for even complaining about this..I'm not a gold digger but I guess it's the sentiment/thought they they want to provide etc. hard to explain really..!

OP posts:
BIWI · 17/06/2019 11:53

Good God. It's like feminism never happened.

Sweetdisposition91 · 17/06/2019 12:34

Exactly - £3 for drinks - not exactly breaking the bank is it!

SoupDragon · 17/06/2019 12:37

This would seriously put me off, I would assume he’s tight!

Surely, by your definition, this would make the woman tight for not offering to pay?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 17/06/2019 12:41

Exactly - £3 for drinks - not exactly breaking the bank is it!

No it isn't and he offered to pay it. The OP then suggested going halves and he courteously agreed to this request. The OP then started this thread bemoaning that the poor guy didn't then insist on paying? God forbid he took her at her word and didn't belittle by presuming she didn't know her own mind.

If the OP or yourself cannot go on a date with the expectation that you should pay your own way then surely it is you and the OP who is the tight one?

zippey · 17/06/2019 12:41

I’d find it controlling when someone insists they should pay.

Dating can be a mind field of expectations.

M3lon · 17/06/2019 12:43

I actually think this guy got it as close to perfectly right as is humanly possible. He made a nod to tradition in offering to pay, but then respected the autonomy of the woman he was with when she indicated her willingness to contribute.

Hope his next date is with someone who can appreciate him!

ICanWearMyBoobsUpOrDown · 17/06/2019 12:50

Grin have cocks started ejaculating money. Is this why men are expected to pay?

Why did you even suggest going halves if you were going to judge him for thinking about accepting?

CodenameVillanelle · 17/06/2019 12:57

Why do you expect a man you don't know to 'provide' for you in any shape or form? Do you expect men to provide for you as a point of principle in relationships?

Why the ever loving fuck should men be expected to pay for women's company on first dates and women pay zero? I really despise this viewpoint. It's utterly gross.

over50andfab · 17/06/2019 13:16

As I’ve said, I wouldn’t expect the guy to continue to pay and would always pay for the next (in fact during my marriage I paid for most things due to my ex being incredibly tight despite having more income than me).

However I see his paying on a first date as a courteous gentlemanly thing to do - although I would also always genuinely offer.

Interesting to see what the consensus is on here though, and comparing it to watching First Dates...watched it loads and have only ever seen one woman insist on paying her share Confused

FinallyHere · 17/06/2019 13:18

Lots of women prefer to split it on a first date so that there’s no suggestion of owing him something.

This for me. I would not be keen on anyone who insisted on paying for me, I would wonder what they would expect in return.

QueenofPain · 17/06/2019 13:21

I would probably be quite annoyed if someone insisted on paying for me, would agree out of avoiding too much awkwardness, but probably wouldn’t go out with them again.

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 16:08

Hmm Link please Louise

In the meantime i have one.

www.shponline.co.uk/uncategorized/pregnant-screwed-54000-women-forced-work-year/

It is far from equal in the workplace.

I suspect there are many male posters pretending to be women on these paying on dates threads.

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 16:15

Men who want to ‘provide’ are misogynist. Women who want to be ‘provided for’ are also misogynist

I hope you only meant dating. Otherwise that would explain why we get threads and posts on here from women who have saved for their maternity leave or are worried how they are going to save for their maternity leave so they can continue to contribute and not "leech" off their husbands. Because God forbid a man pay for his own kids.

SoupDragon · 17/06/2019 16:38

I suspect there are many male posters pretending to be women on these paying on dates threads.

Like who?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 17/06/2019 18:54

Hmm Link please Louise

I'm confused???

Women work now, earn and living and in some cases earn more than men.

This ^ is what Louise said, why does she need to prove a link to prove what she said? A VERY large amount of women work and she is accurate saying that some women do indeed earn more than men. She never said all women earn more or that salaries are equal in all fields but I see nothing wrong in what she posted, her statement was factual.

BackforGood · 17/06/2019 18:54

@HelenaDove

Which posters are you accusing of being male ? Hmm

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 17/06/2019 18:59

Which posters are you accusing of being male ?

I'm assuming she means the posters who agree that women should pay their own way. She obviously thinks men should be expected to pay for everything.

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 20:33

Men being expected to pay for their own kids is men being expected to pay for everything...............okay then

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 20:39

HeadsDown i was the breadwinner for a long time as DH is a lot older than me and wasnt well enough to work full time. He shouldnt have been working at all but the Government didnt agree.

He was retired by his employer due to ill health in 2004 So your crystal ball needs new batteries

Ive been his full time carer for a long time now. I wonder how many on this thread would stick around in a situation like this.

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 20:40

@Asta19

SoupDragon · 17/06/2019 20:41

Which posters are you accusing of being Male?

HelenaDove · 17/06/2019 20:44

I suspect there are on these threads Notice i said threadsssssssssssssssssssss

PLURAL

Bluntness100 · 17/06/2019 20:49

You didn't even want to pay 1.50 for your own drink? Never mind pay for his? You think he has to on some way prove he will "provide" for you? I'm cringing for you.

Honestly.

No wonder you're single.

SoupDragon · 17/06/2019 20:50

I suspect there are on these threads Notice i said threadsssssssssssssssssssss

And?

Who are you accusing on this thread?

SoupDragon · 17/06/2019 20:53

Or was it just baseless nonsense?

Swipe left for the next trending thread