Hilarious old sayings you never hear anymore.

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

I’ve started this thread having had the most hilarious exchange with an old man and his carer whilst getting my morning coffee.

“Give it some welly”
“ looks like 6 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag” 😂
“If there’s a rotten potato in the pot I’ll get it”
“Knock ‘em bandy”

I’ve never heard any of them and they need reviving 🤣🤣

Please share yours that might be new to me also. I haven’t stopped laughing thinking I’d him.

Bugs^^

That boy doesn't know if he wants a shit, a shave or a shampoo.

Oooh, it's as cold as a step-mother's breath.

It's as black as the Earl of Hell's waistcoat.

Do you think my head buttons up the back just because my belly button's at the front?

A weather one.
When looking up a dark clouds, "It's as black as my hat."

Couldn’t hit a cow’s backside with a banjo

One I heard once was “one on dip and one on dazzle” it still makes me giggle!

tighter than a duck's a**e

My Grandad used to say ‘stone the crows’ - I think it was used in disgust or when he couldn’t quite believe something (?)

It’s a bit like talking to yourself

Instead of give it some welly I've heard 'sink the welly' meaning put you foot down on the accelerator.
Instead of a bag full of boys (or similar)- she has a bum like a bag full of rabbits.

‘Could fall asleep on the edge of an echo’ was one my dad came out with a lot!

There’s enough blue to make a sailor suit - here we have

There’s enough blue to make Our Lady a cloak!

As tight as a gnat's chuff was my grandad's favourite saying.
If we asked what was for tea, it was 'if-its' if we'd got it we could have it.
If someone was asking a daft question my nan would tell you not to be so bloody mellow! But pronounced mella.
If my dm used to smack me and dsis and we sniggered she'd say laugh again and i'll make you laugh on the other side of your face.
If the radiators or fire at home didn't seem to be giving much heat out dmum would say she could ride it bare arsed to london and back.

"You couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo" said to my best friend by our P.E. teacher when playing rounders (in the 70's). Still makes me laugh.

"We're in a worse state than Russia" - usually one or more DS crying, place is a mess, you're at the end of your tether!

"She's keeping a lot happy instead of one miserable" - lots of male company rather than one regular boyfriend!

I'm only on page one but love how so many are Northern

About as useful as a chocolate fire guard.

"He could eat an apple through a tennis racket" (wonky teeth) was a favourite of my Granny, who had the buckest of bucked teeth so made me snigger even more:)

I’m standing here like piffy on a rock

Knock on the door “ if that’s the invisible man tell him I can’t see him”

You can’t polish a turd. - but you can roll it in glitter

All piss and wind.

• there's enough blue to make a sailor a pair of trousers (meaning there was a little bit of blue sky so the weather wasn't too bad)
• has the tide gone out? (when MIL hadn't quite filled FILs cup of tea)
• it's black over Will's mums (heard as a war time saying)
• I could go to sleep on a clothesline
• I'm as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth
• I've a bone in my leg (as a reason for asking you to run an errand for her)

The last two I only ever heard my grandmother say

More to do when breaking hard when driving but my dm used you throw her arm out and say woah Barry Davis.
No idea who Barry Davis is

It's as broad as it is long. Taking a journey one way or another.

Give them an inch they take a mile.

If someone's fidgeting you'd say they had 'ants in their pants'.

When we would ask mum what's for dinner she would say either. Shit with sugar on. Or Air pie and windy pudding.

Put the wood in the hole. Meant close the door.

You make a very good door but not a window. If someone stood in front of the TV.

Yer daft apeth