What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?

[Dollywilde]

Inspired by the Tories queuing up to declare whether they have or not - what’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed? Or have you never committed a crime, Jeremy Hunt style? All infractions count, driving offences up to... well, anything you’re willing to anonymously admit on the internet.

I’ll start: taking class A drugs. I’m probably qualified to run for PM now

Shoplifting, taking illegal drugs, speeding.
Fairly boring stuff, and all many years ago.

Stole a handbag from Primark!!

I’d gone to do the yearly holiday basics run and my trolley was overflowing so I put it over my shoulder, it was only when I went to get in the car that I realised! 🙈

Some minor shoplifting as a teen
Forgery - photoshop and a laminator to make quite a bit of stuff like bus passes when this was easier to do
Drugs, possession and technically with intent to supply as well at times based on quantity
Speeding

Drove down the M4 at an eye watering speed hoping that if stopped my (genuine) defence of a dying relative would hold some sway.

Accidentally stole a number plate from Halfords. Went up to the number plate making desk, handed over my driving licence card and V5, got the number plate made up, then walked out without paying for it and went home instead of going to the cash desk.

I think cos I'd handed over my photo card, my brain somehow thought that was my debit card and I had completed all the necessary steps...

When I was 13 I had a paper Roy d and while the man at the shop was getting my papers ready I used to steal cream eggs off the counter 🤫

Paper round 😆

Class A drugs, speeding, trespassing, breaking and entering, shoplifting (although unintentional I didn't go back and pay once I realised), underage drinking/drug taking.

I won't lie, it was fun.

God this thread is boring , was expecting some really juicy stories on here 'accidentally stole an avocado then went back to pay for it'

That is your worst crime- really?!?!?!

I once saw a ladder fall off the back of a window cleaner’s truck, then picked it up and took it home. It’s a good ladder, been using it for about 25 years now. To be fair I removed an obstruction from the public highway, the window cleaner was long gone.

Accidentally stole a number plate from Halfords. Went up to the number plate making desk, handed over my driving licence card and V5, got the number plate made up,

There was a handy little shop where I used to live that would make up number plates no questions, without the v5

Ran a red light without realising!

Wild. You must be glad to get that off your chest.

Underage drinking. Stole some cheap earrings when dated to by my cousin age around 14. Bought and smoked some cannabis resin occasionally as a student. Magic mushrooms. Let my DS download series 7 of GoT from some dodgy website. Did a runner from a restaurant that had forgotten my DS2’s meal. I complained, they cooked it and 30 minutes after the rest of us had finished the incompetent waiter gave it to someone else. DS2 was getting upset by this stage. Waited another 20 minutes and voted with our feet!

*dared

Drugs
Underage drinking
Breaking and entering (into a church?!) When drunk
Groped a policeman...I thought he was a stripper
Cautioned for peeing on a lawn
Cautioned for breaching the peace
Skinny dipping in monte carlo harbour
Gatecrashing a yacht and stealing champagne
Shoplifting

Is it the mumsnet cohort - mums, totally law abiding - that is making this thread utterly tedious? I mean come on, "accidentally took an apple from Tesco's and felt mortified so ran back, paid for it and self flagellated when I got home". Seriously?! On a par with "ran through fields of fucking wheat".

Rather hypocritically, I am boring too. All in my teens or 20s:
Stole some salt and pepper holders whilst back packing around USA (and atypical to the posters here, I knew exactly what I was doing, didn't feel guilty and didn't take it back)
Smoked weed
Got totally rat arsed and drove the car on the university campus
Was one of those annoying cyclists that cycled through reds

As for the 10 Commandments, I am doing better. From a young age to now:
Adultery
Hate my mother
Use God's name in vain
In fact, broken all of them except the murder one (and even then, I am not blemish free - sometimes, with massive spiders, I simply can't remove them without gagging so I vacuum them up. Sorry to all those spiders I've killed).

I may have broken the speed limit a couple many times.....

Falsified a passport. We booked a trip to Disneyland Paris for DD's 3rd birthday. Organised a one year passport for her (don't know if you can still get those - this was the early 90's). Her date of birth was the 4th of the month. Under 2's were free to travel and enter Disney at the time but as DD would turn 3 during our trip we would have to pay for her (several hundred £). So I practised with various pens and added a 1 to her date of birth on the passport making it the 14th of the month. Other crimes include the usual; teenage shoplifting, underage drinking, criminal damage to a dumper truck.

I’m impressed evacuate - that’s pretty serious crime nowadays

Drinking under age. Which I have not done since I was 18.

Loads. I was a wild child in my youth.

Took loads of drugs of various classes. Regularly and for quite some time.
Underage drinking / clubbing.
Shoplifting.
Skipping fares on buses and trains.
Walked out of pizza hut and cafe rouge without paying (cafe rouge was ignoring us asking for the bill!!)
Speeding.

No one would believe it of me now!!

Burned down a bus shelter (accident)

Did lots of drugs in my late teens and early twenties. Made an amateur attempt at growing weed.
Pissing in the street when highly intoxicated.
Fighting in the street with a nemesis.
Public sex
Smoking indoors in not allowed areas. Now vaping indoors in not allowed areas.
Speeding tickets and points, and the times I wasn't caught.
Was done for driving on a flat tyre.
Nicking stuff from shops (intentionally and unintentionally)
Been paid for sex. Is that a crime?

The only one I'm truly ashamed of and wouldn't admit to anyone unless on an anonymous forum was about 5 years ago when I was in a really dark place with my mental health (not an excuse) I was utterly and totally inebriated and decided to get in my car about 3am and drive. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, or why. Just driving and crying. Thank fucking god something made me come to my senses and got home again without hurting anyone, or myself, or getting nicked. I've never admitted that, and it makes me go cold to think that I was so fucking stupid and irresponsible. It was a bit of a turning point though as I think that was the last time I ever broke any laws, what I'd done had scared me into getting my shit together a bit.

Benefit fraud.
Not proud of it and I was in a very dark place at the time..in an abusive relationship and dealing with grief at the same time. I've paid it all back now and learnt from it

Apart from that the odd theft from shop.when I was a teen

Re - murder - surely swatting flies etc counts??!!