What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?

[Dollywilde]

Inspired by the Tories queuing up to declare whether they have or not - what’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed? Or have you never committed a crime, Jeremy Hunt style? All infractions count, driving offences up to... well, anything you’re willing to anonymously admit on the internet.

I’ll start: taking class A drugs. I’m probably qualified to run for PM now

Nicked a red plastic heart necklace from Chelsea Girl when I was 13.
Walked out of Safeways supermarket with a big box of Fosters Lager on the bottom bit of the trolley (in the days they first introduced self-scanning).
Done a speed awareness course after getting nicked (37 in a 30 zone).
Smoked weed.
Done LSD once.
Done cocaine once.
Loads of underage drinking.
Underage sex (by 2 weeks).

A mascara once
I picked it up and put it in the tray of the buggy
Walked round and somehow just forgot it was there
Wasn’t til I got home and found it
I couldn’t bring myself to use ‘stolen goods’ so ended up binning it!

Now you're all reminding me of things that I don't even count as illegal 🙈

Very underage sex. Willingly and enjoyed!
Underage drinking.
Speeding.
Amphetamines this morning.... (mine aren't illegal though 😉)

I stole a newspaper from outside a shop once. Felt guilty.

Trigger alert:
I committed the ultimate Mumsnet crime. I stole a lavvy brush!
Horror shock, cue clutching of pearls...
I was a poverty struck medical student 40 years ago, living in a slum tenement with no bathroom, just a toilet (no wash basin) and one cold tap in the kitchen.
I pinched the brush from my medical school loo and smuggled it past the janitor under my coat. It was a godsend when the four of us (2 students, 2 unemployed graduates) went down with norovirus a few months later.

Yesterday went into a main road deli/cafe. It was very busy. Bought a scone and a tea. Sat for about 15 mins, then wandered round the deli, bought cheese,olives,cheesy biscuits. Went to the till paid for them. Went another 80/100 miles, pulled into services for a wee and a coffee, then into purse to pay and bill slip for scone and tea was in my purse. Had forgotten to pay when buying deli items.

A cabbage I accidentally stole from Sainsbury’s! I got out of the shop and realised I hadn’t put it through the self service thing. I went back and explained, the assistant was incredulous that I had come back.

I stole a single size 14 green men's leather shoe. I had just turned one, and my mum didn't realise until we got halfway home. She threw it in a bush, only for my dad to find out, track the bush down, fish it out and return it.

I used to record songs onto a cassette from the radio in my early teens.

• Underage sex
• Lots of underage drinking
• Weed a few times
• Poppers a couple of times
• Lots of speeding (but only on A roads and motorways, never anywhere else)
• Had a couple of fights at school so I guess that counts as assault

Teens: shoplifting - got arrested and cautioned.

Early 20s: smoked weed. Cut my hand on a fridge in Starbucks while stoned, got a free drink voucher.

Late 20s: accidentally drove down a bus-only street and prayed for weeks that I wouldn't get a ticket.

As you can see, my crimes have gotten more tame as I get older

Nc'd. Stole a car, then took a crow bar to it and slashed the tyres.
Was over 15 years ago now, was my step father's, smashing the windscreen of his car was possibly one of the most satisfying moments of my life.
Apart from that I once stole a beano, then felt guilty and hid the money in the newsagents thr next week so they would find it to make up for it!

I once got pulled over by traffic cops for speeding in the early hours, they let me off and told me to make sure my doors were locked!

Oh....I forgot when I was about 7 or 8 I used to be sent to the local Co-op to get bits my Aunty needed (she was my childminder).

It was before barcodes so I used to swap the sticky price labels so what she wanted (coffee, bread) was cheaper and I could buy more sweets with the change.

I even thought to swap them with prices that weren't too much cheaper so it wouldn't be obvious.

In hindsight I'm awed by the level of criminal genius I had at 7 years old!

Smoked joints

Shoplifting, speeding, taking both class B and class A drugs. Pretty standard stuff.

The only thing I did which I am truly ashamed of and deeply regret is driving while very stoned. I only did it once, with my mate who was also stoned as a passenger. Fortunately, I didn’t kill or injure anyone and I got away with it. Never, ever, again.

Brought weed back on an aeroplane once. Not a huge amount but enough to have been in the shit had I been caught.

It was a monumentally stupid decision and looking back I can't believe I did it

Having read everyone else's I daren't say

Accidentally stole a box of washing powder that I'd laid on the shelf under the shopping trolley. In my defense I was a harassed mother with two under twos in tow. Couldn't face going back into the shop as both kids were screaming. Feel very guilty about it.

Possession of a firearm
Supply of class C drugs
Joyriding
Shoplifting

Lots of drugs and underage sex.

All of the serious ones were down to a no good ex boyfriend. I follow the law now.

I used to download music for free and burn CDs for my friends at school for £5 😳 I had no idea it wasn't legal 😂

Ran a red light without realising! I was miles away (I still kick myself!) if that had been a person then I would never forgive myself.

Class A drugs

tore the pack of stickers off a magazine when I was a kid - this to me is a far worse crime than snorting a line of coke .

Underage drinking

And I did a lot of illegal taping of music and TV shows.

As a child/ teen I shoplifted, more than once, small items of low value, but still theft.

Teens and twenties, I tried out most drugs, Class A and other.

I have also been very unpleasant to people, thought bad things at them. But in general I am a fairly boring, law abiding citizen!