What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?

[Dollywilde]

Inspired by the Tories queuing up to declare whether they have or not - what’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed? Or have you never committed a crime, Jeremy Hunt style? All infractions count, driving offences up to... well, anything you’re willing to anonymously admit on the internet.

I’ll start: taking class A drugs. I’m probably qualified to run for PM now

Illegal downloading

House is full of stuff from hotels - parents and grandparents all chefs or otherwise in hotels , have dozens of pillowcases , blankets and crockery, pub glasses . Also have NHS branded blankets

Eaten food taken from father’s workplace (catering) - usually stuff that would have gone off but also lots of tins , champagne , sweets etc ...

Stole sweets from my employer age 15

Also taken paracetomal and ibuprofen from an employer - everyone was doing it ...

Ahh I’ve given away prescription pain killers before too and taken someone else’s diazepam twice .... I got caught out with the latter because I took a bad reaction ...

Incognitalgnorama really?! I am hoping you are joking...

Nothing I can think of....

I stole a packet of halls soothers when I was little and had sleepless nights that I would go to prison. when I was older (20) I forged a document that helped me in a big way. That one haunts me as it could have damaging implications for my career.

Breaking into abandoned buildings.
Accidentally stole a bottle of shampoo when I was about 6.
That’s all I think!

I smoked a bit of weed as a teenager. Was great for the migraines.

Also as a teen I once lent a dodgy as fuck colleague my mobile to make a call. She came back and said, thanks. I've topped it up for you. When I asked why she would do that it turned out she just picked up dropped debit card receipts from the local petrol station and used the details to top up on a certain network. Crazy that you could actually do that back then!

I still feel guilty almost 20 years later.

Oh and I drank underage. Christ I hadn't even considered that. Of course it's illegal. As was smoking when I was 15.

Some of these are reminders of other things I can add to my list

NooNooHead almost daily, in my mind

Makes a change from shoplifting and drugs, anyway

Along with some colleagues, I stole a few thousand pounds from an employer. I'd forgotten that, which is possibly worse!

Was handed the wrong package at duty free - instead of the bargain bottle of scent I'd treated myself to - I got on the plane and discovered that I'd been given another customer's purchase - a monster bottle of Chanel No 5. Obviously too late to go back.

Lots of underage sex with very inappropriate (looking back in hindsight) men.
Shop lifting.
Drove without a driving license - in my defence i thought as my bf had a driving license he was automatically allowed to take me out and give me lessons! Bloody hell how i wasnt stopped i dont know we drove past police and all sorts!

Drugs aside, I once obtained a foreign visa by bribing an immigration official. I also paid bribes on a number of occasions to the police in the same country for various things (to get out of parking offences, have an impounded vehicle released without charge, to have a police report issued related to a crime committed against me). As you can imagine, I lived in a relatively corrupt country as an expat and paying bribes there was pretty standard. There have been many times I wished I could get away with it here!

I once got through immigration control on someone else's passport.

It was my sisters and she had mine - genuine mistake

I accidentally ran a red light. No ticket, I got luckly, and no accidents either, lucky again.

In my defence, It was an area where there were a lot of lights close together, and as a new driver I'd inadvertently been looking at the lights one step ahead.

I was a bit of a bastard in my teen years and went through a shoplifting phase with my best friend. We had the money to burn in our pockets so wasn’t to do with being poor or anything, we just found it quite fun... Eventually got caught one Saturday evening after we’d been out shoplifting all day long. Spent a couple of hours in a cell and on a Saturday night, it was loud and frightening as you can imagine. Never did it again and luckily was under 16 so only reprimanded.

We also went to London a few times without paying for rail fare around the same time.

I haven’t taken drugs though so maybe don’t qualify as Tory leader...

Definitely drank and smoked a lot underage, I consider that fairly normal and vanilla though.

Oh I've just remembered leaving an expensive restaurant without paying. I really thought my OH had paid and vice versa
I've also accidently left a few eyeliners/lipliners at the bottom of the trolley when putting through the shopping. Seems to happen quite often.Silly me

As a teen shoplifted (sweets from a corner shop, nothing major), drank and had underage sex. Have took class As. Definitely wee'd in a few street corners too.

I'm quite proud of this one tbh- I was on a night out with the girls and it was chucking it down with rain, went into WH Smith's in the station and said I've lost my umbrella has one been handed in. Oh yes is this it? Yep that's the one!

Am I the only one who wants to know how you accidentally steal a Christmas turkey?

Underage Camping.

Plus the usual accidentally shoplifting an item that gets separated from the rest of your shopping.

But dear god, forget to scan a pizza in the Scan-as-you-shop system at Tesco, and spend months in the queue of shame, having all your big shop checked.

Smoking weed, underage drinking, riding a bike while drunk/ stoned/ both. Someone once rubbed something on my gums that I was told was coke but wasn't. Stole a fancy raincoat from a bike shop aged 1.5 by pushing it into the pushchair basket. Ran a red light (by accident!). Could have been done for causing a public nuisance that party was legendary!. I would still love to be arrested on a demo or similar, though I'm not sure if it would have implications for my job (teacher).

Crossed the railway line as a teen because I couldn't be arsed to walk down the platform, cross the bridge and walk back to where I wanted to be.