Advice Clinic - Slatterns welcome

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Do you have problems? Is your life truly ridiculous, are you ridiculous? Please step inside our fully staffed advice clinic and we will cure all your ills. We have a clap nurse standing by for more intimate problems, don't be shy.

I love your giraffe Beaker, here's my woman.

And Sheep's arse.

I bought this evil cat sculpture for a cat friend.

Anyway, back to business. So, we're hiring Santa Danglia out? We could also snip off pieces of her to raise funds. We could sell pieces of pissed on slanket like the Turin Shroud. Between that and her stripping and whoring she can support us all.

Oh is that from master and margarita?

Someone say Margarita! Where are they? Give me some now please.

Btw I like everyone's arty stuff.

Actually when we do or if we offer communion at the church of St Danglia of Tassle. We can have cake as the body & Margaritas as the blood of Christ. (I'm sure God won't mind, as long as we leave some out for Her)

Now I feel guilty & I'm not even Catholic. Though our local church & cathedral are very very vair High Church. It must be all the wafting incense I've inhaled & I was recently beaten up by a Bishop & his vicars with rosemary branches doused in Holy Water at my relative's Confirmation. (Well everyone got sprayed with Holy Water from said vicars with rosemary branches)
It was quite fun.

Ahhh, that's the moulin rouge cat. I MILES prefer the gun toting, cigar smoking, card playing evil giant black cat from master and margarita

How about the body is a little LSD tab and the blood is a tequila sunrise?

I went to a catholic school and once two boys ate all the body of Christ before mass, oh my god that was sooo bad!

Now that does sound Tart
But we still need the Margaritas.
Mix it in the font so we have Holy Spirit Water.

Sounds good I mean!

Holy spirit water? Inebriating? Sounds interesting.

Advice clinic : my ex is about to make me blow a gasket (metaphorically, don't own gaskets). Won't let the past be past and keeps accusing me of things. Police for a warning?

Actually does Tracy want her first assignment?

Have you got children together Frown? If not, why is there any contact at all? And is this the same ex that you were torturing and considering whether to let him off the leash or up the ante?

Yes police absolutely or if not we'll come round & sort it!

Anyway I've just posted this on the wrong thread in Style & Beauty of all places 'Royal style & gossip: the gowns and glamour of the Garter' Well my puss is gorgeous just like everyone else's
And al the cats & St Danglia's Triangle can be in the nativity. (As long as they don't wreck it)

I blame Myimaginarycathasfleas as she thanked me for a whole photo of Prince Philip. (we've been discussing the partial photos of baby Archie.)
I misread it as thanks for a whole photo of your cat & MICHF has previously been on here.

TL same, he's driving me mental :(

I'll send you a quick PM about it as I'm so embarrassed

You're welcome to PM me, but don't be embarrassed, this is the no judgement thread!

Ok so we split up ages ago, I'm attached now which he knows, although he has the occasional weird moment like a few months ago when he trapped me for hours and I had to wheedle my way out and recently when he went berserk with accusations out of the blue.

I'm genuinely really fond of him but was thinking about escalating an incident ref I have with the police from last year.

Sorry this is sposed to be light hearted thread

I think you do need to nip it in the bud Frown.
It may be just some moments of madness but even so a strong word of advice from a burly or hard looking copper should make him think & stop.

Failing that I'll offer my services for free (to get the experience & hone my craft) or I'm sure Thigh will 'help'

I could lend you DD. She's a Scorpio. She could eviscerate him with a look.

Catching up...

Frown totally seriously for once, what do you mean when you say he trapped you for hours? That sounds seriously not good......

Ok, sorted :)

The term "professional misunderstanders" sums up about 90% of aibu, IMO.

The best recent thread for that was a woman who was possibly pregnant but too early to test, and a nurse wanted to prescribe her contraindicated meds, whilst insisting the surgery's tests were magically sensitive enough to tell if she was pg. Half the first page was ticking her off for being offended bc the nurse had asked if she was pregnant.

Mind you, those types of "comprehension" are why we currently have BoZo lining up for PM, so don't know why I'm surprised.

I did consider taking pictures of the twins' arseholes but it's dangerous as they poo a lot and also I think child protection might take a dim view. Mine looks like Mr Potatohead though, if that helps.

Is Mr Potatohead of religious significance?

Four moats!

I need to stop venturing to AIBU, I'm losing the small amount of brain cells I have left. Not good.