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Original poster

Advice...DS at party wants to come home, sounds upset cant leave house due to baby in bed.

150 replies

Overseasmom100 · 08/06/2019 22:34

DS 14 gone to a party 10 mins away. Was staying over in tent in garden with the boys just rang sounds upset wants to come home and not stay. He doesnt really like staying away but thought this time he would. Im now panicking as got baby in bed asleep DH working can not leave.

Im thinking only alternative is a taxi???

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 09:50

I understand OP and so will they one day when they meet a messy real life situation rather than being able to freely judge people you don't know on the internet.

I have been a parent for long enough to know that if my upset teen calls asking to be picked up I go with toddler in tow.
The same way I pick up everybody and run to A&E if one of them needs urgent attention.

So no, I don't understand why anyone would hesitate. My initial reaction would be that I am grateful he did call and go to investigate how bad things are.

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2019 09:59

If the parents are allowing underage kids to drink whilst under their care, then you could have called the police.

Why? No crime has been committed Confused

Bouledeneige · 09/06/2019 10:00

We've all had a few of those situations with our teens - I had to pick up my DD a few times for the same reasons. I didn't have a little one to take into account though. My DS has always been very independent and would probably have just walked home at that age - I haven't needed to pick him up in years. But in your situation I would have done the taxi or gone myself.

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RoomR0613 · 09/06/2019 10:04

if I woke my toddlers up to go in a car to pick someone up they would think it was morning and wouldn't go back to sleep again for a few hours, they would be grumpy and hyperactive and it would be impossible to have any kind of sensible conversation with the person I had picked up.

If that person could be picked in a taxi instead (probably quicker than trying to get a tired two year old into a car and drive there and back) then that seems to me to be a sensible plan.

I'm sure when I'm outside of the toddler years again I will forget just how terrifying the idea of waking up a sleeping toddler is.

iknowenoughthankyouygritte · 09/06/2019 10:10

You should have contacted the host parents.

Itssosunny · 09/06/2019 10:12

if I woke my toddlers up to go in a car to pick someone up they would think it was morning and wouldn't go back to sleep again for a few hours, they would be grumpy and hyperactive and it would be impossible to have any kind of sensible conversation with the person I had picked up

It's not picking someone up. It's picking up your other child who called you for help.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 10:13

I'd rather have a toddler awake for a few hours than a teen in trouble.

I'd rather have a word with my teen for asking for a lift in a non-emergency situation than kicking myself because I didn't pick them up.

The teen is equally your child, and frankly you worry more about them than you worry about your toddlers!

If it wasn't bad enough that they could take a taxi safely, absolutely fine, but I wouldn't put my toddler's sleep above my teen safety personally.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/06/2019 10:15

I wouldn’t have hesitated to get the toddler up and head off in the car TBH. But the key thing in this post is that OPs teen did the right thing in calling his Mum and he is now home safe.

SarahTancredi · 09/06/2019 10:16

Glad he made it back ok. I think you should be really proud if him for being so sensible and not wanting to join in the drinking nonsense. It's not big or clever and at 14 it wouldnt take much to actually make them.all extremely ill so he absolutely did the right thing.

I'd not have given crap about waking a toddler in this situation.

Racheyg · 09/06/2019 10:19

Op, sounds like you have a very sensible teenager on your hands.

Oblomov19 · 09/06/2019 10:21

Reminds self to set up a code word for my teen.

Teaandcrisps · 09/06/2019 10:24

I would encourage you guys to have a code word for these situations - really fab that your DS was able to contact you discreetly and get out of the sitaution. Our code word means that as the parent we would call and say that there is a family situation and they need to come home immediately. That way the child is not at risk, and can come home without any peer pressure. The deal is that we ask no questions 'protect n' collect'. Tough at that age.

www.protectyoungminds.org/2017/03/30/code-words-give-easy-way-out/

Readytogogogo · 09/06/2019 10:26

I'm absolutely astonished that some people are giving the OP a hard time for calling a taxi. Taxi seems entirely appropriate for him to quietly slip off. Do you think he would have appreciated his friends seeing his mum and a possibly screaming toddler come to fetch him?

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2019 10:33

My eldest is 27 now and we had a code for when he was younger and in an awkward/dangerous situation.

It was, "Has Uncle Tony brought my Nintendo game back?" Grin

I'd forgotten all about that until now!

ReanimatedSGB · 09/06/2019 10:35

Also, as usual on MN, some posters are too dense and smug to realise that not everyone drives or owns a car. So teaching teens to call a cab if they need to (and perhaps sending them out with spare money for one) is also a good idea.

And, while you should always have a plan for rescuing your own teen from a situation they are unhappy about FFS don't let that spill over into policing the behaviour of your teen's mates, which is absolutely not your business. Being the kid whose parents call the police on your friends (as a particularly hysterical PP recommends) is a sure way to never be invited anywhere again.

freshstartnewme · 09/06/2019 10:35

I'd rather have a toddler awake for a few hours than a teen in trouble.

It wasn't a one or the other. The toddler remained asleep. The teen was not in trouble.

anitagreen · 09/06/2019 10:41

@WorraLiberty My mums cat is Tony when I wanted to leave somewhere I used to say my Uncle Tony isn't well Grin

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 10:44

It wasn't a one or the other. The toddler remained asleep. The teen was not in trouble.

how do you now? He was upset when he made the first call, that would be enough for me.

He is long safe now, but yes, I wouldn't have hesitated.

Yes, obviously, if someone doesn't have a car, it's a moot point Hmm

YesQueen · 09/06/2019 10:47

We had a code word from being a child. I was brought up in pubs so taught if someone broke in and woke me (I was probably 6 at the time), to give them the safe keys. It kind of progressed so if something was wrong at the pub like a fire, we would use the word to avoid frightening customers

Then when I was a teenager, I could say the word and dad would come and get me from wherever, no questions asked. I only used it once and he came straight away. I'm mid thirties and I could ring him now and say it and he would immediately ask what's wrong Smile

Nanny0gg · 09/06/2019 11:14

I think sending a taxi was perfectly fine and probably quicker.

I am just curious as to whether there has been any communication with the host parents.

WorraLiberty · 09/06/2019 11:16

anitagreen Grin

FoxSquadKitten · 09/06/2019 11:27

Glad he's home safe.

Autocorrect wanted to change that to hot chick for him. NO, BAD AUTOCORRECT, BAD

Love this 😆

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 09/06/2019 11:31

Sending a taxi was perfectly fine though I'm a bit Confused at the delay in taking any action while awaiting the views of strangers on the internet!

However, it was all fine in the end and OP should be pleased and relieved that her teen felt able to look to her for support when he was out of his depth. Plenty wouldn't and might even have felt they had to go along with the drinking etc for fear of losing face in front of their peers. Especially any teen who knows theirs are the "tough shit, suck it up" type of parents...

There have been a few threads this week that have made me think some parents really go out of their way to reject their teens/preteens and completely shut down lines of communication. I'd never noticed some of the nasty attitudes towards them before!

fikel · 10/06/2019 08:25

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline

Sending a taxi was perfectly fine though I'm a bit confused at the delay in taking any action while awaiting the views of strangers on the internet!

However, it was all fine in the end and OP should be pleased and relieved that her teen felt able to look to her for support when he was out of his depth. Plenty wouldn't and might even have felt they had to go along with the drinking etc for fear of losing face in front of their peers. Especially any teen who knows theirs are the "tough shit, suck it up" type of parents...

There have been a few threads this week that have made me think some parents really go out of their way to reject their teens/preteens and completely shut down lines of communication. I'd never noticed some of the nasty attitudes towards them before!

I totally agree and teenagers need you just as much now as they did when they were babies and toddlers albeit on a different level. Stop parenting your teen at your peril and more importantly theirs

IvanaPee · 10/06/2019 09:17

The taxi was fine.

The thinking behind sending a taxi, not so much.

It was the “but the TODDLER is asleep and will be mildly inconvenienced” that did it for me.

None of mine are toddlers any more. But I hope I never make my eldest feel less important.

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