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Original poster

Advice...DS at party wants to come home, sounds upset cant leave house due to baby in bed.

150 replies

Overseasmom100 · 08/06/2019 22:34

DS 14 gone to a party 10 mins away. Was staying over in tent in garden with the boys just rang sounds upset wants to come home and not stay. He doesnt really like staying away but thought this time he would. Im now panicking as got baby in bed asleep DH working can not leave.

Im thinking only alternative is a taxi???

OP posts:

Beamur · 09/06/2019 08:42

Glad it all worked out and that your DS has the maturity to remove himself from an uncomfortable situation.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2019 08:43

I’m really pleased he’s home. I also don’t understand the taxi objection.

ElspethFlashman · 09/06/2019 08:53

I was out last night and overheard a girl who i would say was 16/17 in the toilets saying 'mum I want to leave, can you call me in 5 mins and say you need to collectme.orsomething'

Actually you can set up a code between your kids and you that they text you. So it could be "!!!" or "x" or something. That way they can text in front of people without having to sneak away to make a phone call. And if some little dick snatches their phone maliciously to see what they're texting, there's nothing that can be used against them.

So you get a text that says whatever code, and you immediately ring them and say We have visitors, I need you to come home now. And they have an excuse to leave.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

MrsMozartMkII · 09/06/2019 08:55

Glad he had the sense not to get involved with the drinking etc., and that he called you.

My DDs were always told that no matter what the situation or the location or the time, if they needed me they only had to say I'd be there. We also had a code word to be used when they didn't know how to say what they were feeling.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 09/06/2019 08:59

Yes, we’ve always had a code phrase which meant I’d play the heavy parent and against my child’s protests, I’d come and get them. Saves the child being picked on and embarrassed because they couldn’t cope, and my shoulders are broad enough to take the flack.

elephantoverthehill · 09/06/2019 09:00

Blimey, I take it all back, I didn't know about the alcohol issue when I posted.

TheInvestigator · 09/06/2019 09:08

If the parents are allowing underage kids to drink whilst under their care, then you could have called the police. They didn't tell you that alcohol would be provided so my guess is they didn't tell the other parents. I would have been furious.

Teens will drink, that's something we can't stop, but I want to know if someone other adult is providing alcohol.

Fibbke · 09/06/2019 09:09

OP you did the right thing. My dd is almost 17 and still hates going to parties where everyone gets drunk. She also gets freaked out around any drugs. So much so she doesn't ever want to stay anywhere. God knows how she's going to cope with uni

kateandme · 09/06/2019 09:10

im sure you did but please shower him with praise this morning for being so mature and for calling you at any time.thats brilliant.
what did he tell the other lads at the sleepover just out of interest?

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 09/06/2019 09:16

Elephant; my children are the same, independent, intelligent, responsible...so when they ring me to ask for help, or a pickup I take them at their word and go. You wouldn’t?

Pharlapwasthebest · 09/06/2019 09:17

@elephant
That’s the thing though, you don’t always know, that’s why a blanket no was not a good idea.
Also, worth remembering, all kids are different, yours are what they are and you know them, but you don’t know op’s kids.
Op, your boy sound v sensible.

Quellium · 09/06/2019 09:20

Love the "I'm going to be sick" trick for bad driving.

We always say if they add "pretty please" to a text or phone call, that I'll know they want to come home without them having to say it in front of friends and I can play the mean mother who wants them home now .

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 09/06/2019 09:22

@elephantoverthehill I'm glad you've seen sense now. It's not in the least bit unusual that a teen would start to feel uncomfortable about alcohol, drugs, or something else. It's completely inappropriate to expect them to "tough it out". You've been very naive and I hope your kids have never been in a difficult situation where they wished they could've used you as an "out".

Dieu · 09/06/2019 09:27

I too wouldn't be happy if I were the host parents. It's extremely weird behaviour not to explain that your child wants to come home, and a taxi will be on the way. Not to mention rude.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 09/06/2019 09:29

DS1 is 13 and we have a code where if he writes "love you" on a text I need to call him with a fake emergency and get him home. Never needed to use it yet, but it's good to know other parents have used similar stuff and had it help.

My parents would never, never have collected me from a party or nightclub. I've always said to both DC that no matter where they are and what time of day or night, I'm always there to bring them home if they need me to. I think not having that safety net as a teenager put me in some pretty precarious situations when I was too stupid to see danger.

Queenofpi · 09/06/2019 09:33

Putting another spin on the taxi vs waking up toddler, if OP had woken the toddler to get her 14yo the toddler could then have taken ages to get back to sleep, needing all OP's attention when she wanted to be able to talk to 14yo. Glad that it all worked out fine, how mature and sensible of him to call you.

Itssosunny · 09/06/2019 09:33

Why would you even write on MN when your DS is crying upset? Take the baby and pick up your son.

Fibbke · 09/06/2019 09:35

Why would you even post on mumsnet without reading the thread?

Posts like yours sunny are the most irritating thing about mumsnet

freshstartnewme · 09/06/2019 09:37

I too wouldn't be happy if I were the host parents

The same host parents who have a bunch of out of control, drunk 14 year olds at their house?

It's extremely weird behaviour not to explain that your child wants to come home, and a taxi will be on the way.

It would be, if he were 10. He is 14. 14 year olds usually make their own social arrangements, including going home, without their mummy's having to talk to each other.

Not to mention rude.

Not as rude as allowing 14 year olds to get drunk in your home without parental consent.

Batshit that anyone would consider the other parent a priority in this situation.

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 09:41

I am glad he's home safe.

I don't understand why you even hesitate to pick up the toddler and drive to collect your teen who is asking you to.

Taxi works I suppose, but I've always told me kids to call me, anytime anywhere, if they are in a situation they feel unsafe and I would prioritise showing them I have their back. You know your kids, if one calls because he's bored, there's no urgency!

Fibbke · 09/06/2019 09:43

All these posters who can't understand.

I understand OP and so will they one day when they meet a messy real life situation rather than being able to freely judge people you don't know on the internet.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 09/06/2019 09:46

I would really benefit from a list of these code words! Brilliant parenting, thank you.

grumiosmum · 09/06/2019 09:46

OP it sounds like you have a great relationship with your son, and you both did the right thing last night.

It's never easy, especially the teenage years/

Itssosunny · 09/06/2019 09:48

Fibbke, should have read the whole thread, yeah, I admit it.
Nevertheless, I still don't understand why OP was even writing on MN wasting the time on it. Her DS was upset so all she had to do was to take the toddler and go and collect her DS. What was more important, safe DS or toddler woken up? Some of the responses were disappointing.

DramaRamaLlama · 09/06/2019 09:49

Fibbke

This is hardly a messy real life situation. It's a case of the OP prioritising her toddler over a distressed teen. I wonder how many people who are saying oh he'll be fine/stick him in a taxi actually have teens.

If either of my teens rang me upset and wanting to come home from a party I'd be there like a shot. Precisely because my teens are well adjusted, sensible and independent. If they're calling there's a problem.

Not waking their younger siblings wouldn't cross my mind

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