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Original poster

Hand hold: DH missing after "accident"

976 replies

Stickywhitelovepiss · 07/06/2019 19:20

I know it's not been long, but this is really out of character and not sure what to do next.

Rang my DH on his mobile to let him know what time I'd get in and he didn't answer - often happens so then call him on work line. His work said he'd called in on way back in after lunch saying he'd been in a car accident but was fine, and neither hide nor hair heard since. That's all I know - no indication of the severity of the accident or where he or my car (which he drives) have got to.

I've been trying him on his mobile countless times, called 101 to see if they've got him somewhere, also A&E - but no joy.

He's been off grid for about 5 hours now, when he'd normally have picked me up, got the Tesco and we'd be sitting starting our weekend. But not even a text to let me know he's not dead in a ditch, and I don't have that phone tracker either on this latest handset.

Starting to panic slightly - if anyone is around for a hand hold or some pointers as to how I can track him down that's would be much appreciated....

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/06/2019 14:47

That is one busy lunchtime!

Fibbke · 08/06/2019 14:47

Yup. Mad speculation and huge over reactions

mydogisthebest · 08/06/2019 14:48

It's perfectly possible the OP's DH is telling the truth so why all jump to the conclusion he is not?

Of course the police could never have made a mistake could they? Never have just not bothered to phone OP or not care that her DH was sitting around for hours.

I can tell you that if it happened in Essex I can well believe that the police messed up or just didn't care

TonTonMacoute · 08/06/2019 14:53

Gosh OP. I would bail from this thread if I were you.

It's taken a typically MN direction, starts off really helpful and supportive, then as soon as the worst is over everyone is falling over themselves to pitch in and destroy your DH in your eyes, based purely on their own malicious speculation.

As for the police officers on this thread, it cannot possibly be that the police in your DHs case have made a bit of a meal of things, it must be that your DH is a liar!

In my (thankfully very limited experience) the police always believe that everyone is lying, even someone who was a totally innocent party in the incident, and they don't always behave very well either, so I wouldn't take what they say too much to heart.

I'm glad your DH is in one bit, and hope that you sort of the aftermath of this OK.

Happyclappy20 · 08/06/2019 14:54

T

Herland · 08/06/2019 14:59

The mad speculation is the only reason people read threads like this!

RightOnTheEdge · 08/06/2019 15:00

I called 999 on the 6th of May and it's still in my call logs. I've got an android phone.

Cannyhandleit · 08/06/2019 15:02

Op until this incident you trusted your husband completely and really I don't see why you shouldn't continue! As far as the can tell he has tried to down play what happened as to not worry you. I'm sure breathalysers have broken or been faulty in the past. wait until blood test are back and if it shows he has been drinking and lying then deal with it but there really is no point in jumping to conclusions at this point!

TheRedBarrows · 08/06/2019 15:17

“So the Police had good reason to believe he was under the influence.

They have good noses...”

OR they found a man very upset, upset enough to dial 999, having been faced with a bit of a prang and a ranting aggressive person.

If a woman posted on MN that this had happened to her she would be expected to be crying, shaking etc.

The same empathy is often not afforded men, by others or by themselves.

This is a man with anxiety and in ADs. He has been in the Forces: he might be traumatised and / or find it hard to be emotional.

All pure speculation, and apologies for that OP, but given the facts we have, and the kindness the police showed bringing him home, seems more likely than the drinking / fighting / kerb crawling suggestions,

caughtinanet · 08/06/2019 15:26

Can you be arrested for possible drink driving if the police don't see you driving and there's no damage to the cars involved in the accident?

That sounds a bit tenuous as does calling 999 and both parties sticking around for the police to turn up. I know tempers get heated in such circumstances but what actually happened while they waited for the police to arrive? Did they both sit patiently in their cars, did they stand poised to hit each other, did the agressor meekly back down wait for an unknown period of time for the police to decide who was in the right?

I just can't visualize this happening, you'd have to have had a skinful the night before to be behaving in a way that suggested you were over the limit after 3pm, what does your DH say gave the police that impression?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 08/06/2019 15:32

His version of events is the same, but that he wasn't ever arrested and wasn't put in the cells

Then...

So OH spoke to the police station with me on speaker phone.

He was arrested for suspicion of drink driving, and had now dug out the paperwork to that effect.

Posters need to RTFT - he lied.

BiBiBirdie · 08/06/2019 15:35

Just to say, and I know this is fairly unlikely, but it happened to DH.
Before he was DH and we had known each other a few weeks, we went out for a late lunch date, he worked nights, so I went home one way as I didn't live far from the town centre, he went to the bus station as he wasn't driving back then.
He was waiting for the bus which would stop right outside his work, when two Police cars went past. One crawled past very slowly as they saw him. They then came back and did the same twice more.
His bus turned up and as he went to get on, one of the cars blocked the bus in, the other drove alongside it.
They got onboard, and DH was asked to get off as they wanted to speak to him. He asked why and was told basically come or we'll arrest you.
He did as he was told, was asked to empty his pockets so did so, and one officer patted him down and as he said, fired questions at him whilst the other looked through his wallet. Another Police car then drove up with a woman inside, who was asked to look at DH.
She said something and they said to him he needed to come with them as he was being arrested. He obviously said are you mad, I've been with my girlfriend all afternoon, I've just got here, I've never seen this woman in my life. He was roundly ignored and asked where he stole the (his) wallet from. He was told he was giving a false name too.
Luckily for him, a mate of mine turned the corner looking for her bus and said "hello Bi's other half" and asked what on earth was going on?
The Police asked her to confirm who he was and she did. DH then asked her to phone me to prove he was indeed with me (very early days of mobiles in late nineties) so she did, luckily they allowed me to speak to the officer in charge and they told him on his way. No apology, nothing.
He was seriously annoyed by it, he had to sit on a bus with people who thought God knows what and he was late for work so got docked the whole night for not turning up.
So yes, sometimes they do drag you in to be sure if they're not sure who is at fault. They would've done that to DH if he hadn't seen my mate.

hellenbackagen · 08/06/2019 16:00

Some of the responses are just unreal and people are not reading the thread.

And I deal with prisoners a lot and I feel very sorry for a good deal of them.
I always drive them home too.

Op I think if your dh suffers anxiety he could be using alcohol to cope ? The bloods will tell .

It can take a good few weeks tho to find out. You'll be in limbo a while I'm afraid.

Xmas2020 · 08/06/2019 16:16

.

Shequakes · 08/06/2019 16:19

BiBiBirdie it's not even a vaguely similar situation at all

Not mistaken identity. He was arrested and held under suspicion of driving under the influence.

Lucylou321 · 08/06/2019 16:31

I haven't quite read the whole thread so apologies if this has been mentioned already but the police wouldn't go straight to taking blood from him for drink driving, it is a sample of breath unless there's a medical or evidential reason it needs to go to blood instead. He's either failed a road side breath test and then for whatever reason not been able to give a further evidential sample of breath in custody so they've taken blood instead, or he has failed to provide at the road side full stop? Unless he went to hospital in which case a blood sample would be taken instead of breath.

Sorry but he's clearly lying to you. The police don't just decide to take random samples of blood from people in the middle of the day on the off chance they might be drink driving.

NoSquirrels · 08/06/2019 16:56

I’m sorry for the stress, OP.

I think exactly what happened is less important to focus on now than the fact that he lied.

Outright lied - I was never arrested etc - and only forced to admit it when you insisted on calling the police station.

he knows I'd be upset by all this, and wanted to see how much he could get away by hiding the extent from me

Not good enough. Lying is lying is lying. I assume you’re not so scary that he’s in fear of you? It barely matters why he’s lying - the ultimate outcome is that then trust is disrupted and you get all these wild suspicions, as this thread shows.

I really hope you can have a come to Jesus talk about how much of a problem this is. No one who is NOT in the habit of lying would come up with such elaborate scenarios to conceal the truth as their first response.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 08/06/2019 17:16

Op says her OP called the police and that the police were called....I took that to be two calls

His story is still fishy AF to me. and he has already been caught out in a lie.

Liars lie.

Totaldogsbody · 08/06/2019 17:44

OP if you believe your OH then good don't be influenced by what you read here. You alone know how he would react in the situation he found himself in. If he is lying it will come out the blood test won't lie. Personally speaking I would believe my OH until circumstances proved otherwise. Good luck I hope the wait for the results isn't too unnerving for you.

Megs4x3 · 08/06/2019 17:57

Good lord there are some nasty drama llamas here.

The op knows her husband best and wild speculation achieves nothing. Clearly ops husband has tried to minimise the situation but that doesn’t mean he is a confirmed liar, adulterer or alcoholic.

The worst is over op. You know your DH is safe and well. I hope the wait for results isn’t too stressful and that you end up with answers and can put this behind you.

Borntobeamum · 08/06/2019 18:03

sticky - Have you asked your DH if he has a drink problem?
Do you have any inclination that he might have?
💐

Praiseyou · 08/06/2019 19:26

Jesus, the vipers are out today.

OP, you know your husband. Don't feel you need to follow the "advice" on here and go all Inspector Gadget on him. The day's events would be a shock to most people, especially as he has history of anxiety.

You mentioned that he knew you would be annoyed about damage to the car so I'm sure he was bricking himself about a drink drive arrest. He may have been foolish to try to cover it up but if this is completely out of character for him, I would just support him.

Crunchymum · 08/06/2019 19:29

What a surprising turn this thread has taken..... not.

(I'm talking about the naysayers not the OP!!)

Kanga83 · 08/06/2019 19:43

I've given up reading most of today's posts due to utter speculation which is not helpful. Police procedure is police procedure, law is law and funnily enough the two go hand in hand. Second guessing anything is not of any benefit to the OP or her husband. I hope you are ok OP, the bloods at the station can take a while to come back with a result. You may or may not not get the full story but you will eventually at least get some answers. Best wishes.

ReganSomerset · 08/06/2019 20:22

I believe the story. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.

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