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How do I ask for money back?

133 replies

PomBearAnyOne2 · 21/05/2019 19:12

I’m in a bit of a pickle and it’s starting to stress me out a bit as I don’t know what to do.

A colleague who I don’t know particularly well, we aren’t close but chat in passing we are FB friends as she adds everyone.
She was admiring a new bag I had bought. She was asking loads of questions where she could get it from, how much and did it come in other colours. I said I had ordered it from America but it didn’t turn out to be such a good buy as the shipping was extortionate and I also got stung by Royal Mail for import / customs fees (can’t quite remember the correct term)

A few days later she started admiring it again, I said my mum also wanted one and I would be ordering if she wanted me to order her one. I sent her the web link through FB that night and she picked what colour she wanted and I ordered it. And sent her the order confirmation screen grab with the price showing.

That was about 2ish months ago, the bags were dispatched within a day or two but they have been stuck at DHL in America for weeks. I only had the Royal Mail fees card the Saturday before last. I went to the sorting office to pay the fees and collect the bags. And gave the bag to colleague last Monday.

She was so very grateful and thanked me and even bought me a small box of chocolates as a thank you. But at no point has she mentioned or asked how much she owes me.

I spoke about it to DH and he is under the impression she thinks I’ve bought this as a gift for her hence the chocolates.
I think he may be right as surely you would ask how much you owed?

I said to him how do I ask her for the money and he said write it off as it’s far to awkward to ask for it now over a week later and I should of mentioned it when I handed the bag over, but with the shipping and RM fees it’s just short of £100 and I really don’t want to write off that amount.

WWYD, would you ask for it? If you would what would you say?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 21/05/2019 19:16

Just tell her how much she owes you. She's relying on your discomfort at having to ask. This enables her to be the CF that she is.

Wildorchidz · 21/05/2019 19:17

I would straight out ask her.
Hi X. Hope you are enjoying your new bag. My account details are abc.... please transfer £y. I’ll let you know when it arrives in my account.
Thank you

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 21/05/2019 19:18

She thinks it's a gift Shock.

Can you resend the screen grab as a hint that you are expecting her to pay? Write something like 'Glad you like your bag, hope you think it was worth the money, let me know if you need my bank details'.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 21/05/2019 19:20

"Oh Hi X are you? (Big grin) Hows that lovely new bag of yours, looking after it well I hope?! We've been so busy at work I don't think we ever sorted out money did we? It was £100 each after taxes and postage, would you like to give me cash or shall I text you my paypal address?"

moreismore · 21/05/2019 19:21

I would just text the screenshot again and say ‘sorry I keep forgetting to send this! Here’s the total plus x that I paid for duty. My acc details are xxx. Thanks and see you tomorrow’

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/05/2019 19:24

'Glad you like your bag, hope you think it was worth the money, let me know if you need my bank details'.

Nooooooo! What if she says she DOESN’T think it’s worth the money?

OP, consider the chocolates a thank you for the hassle of ordering it for her.

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 21/05/2019 19:25

What Vagina said. Stop being so coy about money! She knows it's not a gift, she's a CF hoping you'll be too much of a mug to tell her she needs to pay up. That being said, don't do a thing like this again without getting the money at time of exchange.

Cherrysoup · 21/05/2019 19:26

Screen shot plus customs fees etc. I wouldn’t have given it to her until she’d paid, personally. She is taking the piss, there’s no way she thinks it’s a gift, I mean you told her the price, she’s a colleague, not your bbf!

Justmuddlingalong · 21/05/2019 19:31

Why? Why would you offer, pay and hand over the bag to a FB friend without discussing payment? Lesson learned I hope.

Sophiesdog11 · 21/05/2019 19:33

Why did you not ask for the money before ordering?

I would have said the bag is £xx, these are my bank details, I will order once I have the cash.

Or at the very least, not hand over until you had received the money.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 21/05/2019 19:34

What Vagina said.

snigger

(I'm a regular name-changer and did not anticipate the short version of this one!)

Tinkerbell89 · 21/05/2019 19:36

Personally I wouldn't have ordered or handed the bag over until I received payment but now she has it i would drop her a little message saying 'hey hope you're enjoying the new bag as much as I've enjoyed mine. Just a reminder that I haven't received any money from you for it since I messaged the invoice to you. Let me know if you need my bank details. See you in the office"

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 21/05/2019 19:37

Just sent her the total amount including shipping, customs fees. Attach the screenshot and tell her your bank details. There is no way she thinks it is a gift.

NannyRed · 21/05/2019 19:38

Did you make it clear that it was for her to pay and it was not a gift?

Send her a message asking for full payment ASAP.

Beautiful3 · 21/05/2019 19:39

Just send her the price and your bank details. The chocolates were a thank you for ordering it for her. Don't let it go on any longer though! Send it now. What's the worst that would happen?! If you don't ask.. then you'll never get the money!

GreenTulips · 21/05/2019 19:39

I agree and quick text as PP have mentioned and see why she says

Beautiful3 · 21/05/2019 19:40

Send what @XXVaginaAndAUterus said, it's perfect.

gamerchick · 21/05/2019 19:41

OP, I quite fancy something ordering from America. Would you order and pay for it, I'll of course want it hand delivered. Grin

Come on lass, tell her you want your money. Send a text now while you're in the frame of mind.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 21/05/2019 19:54

I really want to see the handbag Smile

PhyllisPearce · 21/05/2019 19:59

Me too Books Grin

FiremanKing · 21/05/2019 20:11

Seeing as she knew the price beforehand I do not believe she thought it was a gift and has deliberately played you by giving you the chocolates.

You have been foolish in trusting her and she is relying on you feeling awkward.

Send her the invoice and if she doesn’t pay then you match up to her desk and pick up the bag, open it and shake the contents all over the floor until it’s empty and then walk off with the bag, preferably crushing a lipstick or other item under your feet as you walk off.

FiremanKing · 21/05/2019 20:12

March not match

LiliesAndChocolate · 21/05/2019 20:13

She is a colleague, not a friend and 100 pounds is quite a sum. The longer you wait, the harder it will get.
Just send what Vagina said or " Hi, I hope you are enjoying your new bag, I was sorting the paperwork involved for the order yesterday and the last bit missing before putting it away is your payment, so here are my bank details. See you soon, x"

Heartofit · 21/05/2019 20:15

I want to see the bag too Grin

TheInvestigator · 21/05/2019 20:17

What exactly did you say when you first offered
Did you say "I'm ordering one for my mum so if you wanted to buy one too, shall I stick it on my order and then we can split the postage cost rather than paying the full postage separately?"

Or did you say "I'm ordering one for my mum, will I get you one too?"

The first is very clear that she's buying her own, you're just sorting it out. The second could be seen as a gift by anyone who is a bit cheeky.