Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

PurpleDaisies
I can imagine being childless could be amazing

It’s not-it’s just normal life. We still have work, mortgages, family responsibilities etc...

Being child free in your 20s isn’t the same as when you’re older

Firstly, being childFREE is amazing. Being childless maybe not so much, I wouldn't know as we are childfree. Big difference.

Secondly, DH and I are mid 40s, being childfree for us is exactly the same as it was when we were in our 20s, in fact, it is better as we have plenty of cash now, we were skint in our 20s.

Our weekday evenings are spent walking the dogs (we live in the countryside so it's all on our doorstep), having dinner together, chatting about the events of the day or current affairs, then we go to bed and shag and watch box sets.

Friday nights we go to dinner somewhere nice. Saturday mornings we have breakfast together, go on a mountain bike ride or go riding together, DH will sometimes go and play golf, I might have a friend over for coffee, we take the dogs for a long walk over the woods and take a picnic, we might play tennis together, do some gardening, we like to entertain so we often have friends over and stay up playing games until the early hours. Sundays are lazy, we have breakfast in bed, take a leisurely walk to the pub for lunch. Sunday night we get the fire on (depending on the weather), watch a movie and get cosy, cuddling up on the sofa. Some weekends we jump in the car and go somewhere lovely for the weekend. We go on lots of holidays, especially snowboarding as it's our shared passion. We spend a lot of time talking!

What would you do if you didn't have kids op?

That's sad that you couldn't see any positive side to having children. Even if you decided it wasn't for you, do you honestly think it's all awful?

I love not having children to look after.

*My mind is boggled by how many people have said they go hiking!

They probably mean walking in the countryside!*
Another who definelty meant hiking! We live in the middle of nowhere, we like to go for a couple of days and wildcamp.

40s/50s couple here:

Knit
watch lots of box sets - which we enjoy. I refuse to be looked down on for enjoying TV.
Watch movies
Go out for a drive just because
Visit places on the train
Faff on the internet

@Aberforthsgoat - ok, you're a hiker 😃

Where are these MASSIVE emojis coming from?

DH and I were childless for 10 years before we finally became parents after a long hard struggle and finally going through the adoption process.

Our lives were very full. We both had busy jobs and we would enjoy our evenings and weekends together.

We went out to eat a lot and did loads of weekend breaks to European cities. We would be away at least one weekend a month thanks to cheap easyJet flights. We had amazing holidays to Japan and Thailand and travelled all over America. The weekends when we weren't away would be spent going on shopping trips , seeing friends .decorating the house and gardening.

Our friends who had kids would joke about being envious but they knew we desperately wanted a family.

We had a fabulous life while all the time wishing we could have a family to share it with.

Now we have kids and we still eat out lots , have weekends away and lovely holidays. We just do it all with the kids and work around their school holidays and commitments. Admittedly the weekends away tend to be camping these days.

Life is absolutely much more stressful with kids but I wouldn't be without them.

Those friends who had their children earlier are now empty nesters and are enjoying their new found freedom but often mention how much they miss the kids being around.

@absolutegonk why thank you preens

Child free here. Weekends, walk a lot. Go out to the seaside. Shops. Theatre (for concerts and comedy). Eat out a lot. Week nights, eat out occasionally, see friends, exercise, cook, read, listen to music, long baths, telly.

Spend time on mumsnet of all places it would seem!

ohfuckoffalready PLEASE try to read better.
I didn't call anyone a twat or a bitch.
a) I said people shouldn't turn things into a 'bitchfest'. In no universe is that calling someone a bitch. It wasn't even aimed at anyone in particular. Just a comment to say that people really should stop coming onto threads, read weird stuff into innocent comments and then bitchfest over them.
b) the only mention of 'twat' is when I replied to someone whose MN name is Twat.

Oh dear God you really need to read better. SHeesh.

ohfuckoffalready are you now going to accuse me of telling people to 'fuck off already'? Because that seems to be how you read things....

30s/40s couple here - childfree by choice

Weekday evenings: we both work quite late, so not home until around 8pm-ish. Usually cook/eat/do the boring household chores that people with children do as well (ironing, tidying up, admin stuff). Both of us (separately) usually meet up with various friends for dinner/drinks once a week or so. I also do an evening class once a week.

On Fridays we always meet somewhere in town for dinner, usually stopping at a bar on the way home for a cocktail (or several). At the weekend, we do our big food shop on a Saturday morning to get that out of the way. Normally spend the afternoon wandering around town/clothes shopping/visiting a museum or galllery. Watch football on TV in the evenings (we're both big fans). On Sundays we might go out for brunch and usually go for a run together. I'm also self-employed so usually spend a few hours working.

We also like to travel a lot so generally go on city breaks once a month or so, or to visit relatives who live elsewhere. We also have guests from abroad quite a lot, so at least one weekend out of 4 might be a bit different.

We do spend a lot of time together at the weekend, just because we don't really see that much of each other during the week. DH gets up very early for a long commute and falls asleep quite early during the week. We never run out of things to talk about though: work, planning our next holiday, politics, football :)

Not read the full thread yet but the lives of the child free sound heavenly impatiently waits for DCs to turn 18

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

We're childless. At the weekend we went bike packing in Wales. Last night we did nothing. Tonight we're going rock climbing, tomorrow to the cinema. On Thursday I am going to Scotland on my own until Tuesday to do some walking over the long weekend.

Surely you can remember what it was like before you had children?

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family?

No, I don't have any on my side, on my husbands just his parents, older brother and a few aunts and uncles but they live abroad so we don't get to see them very often.

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

We were childfree by choice till the age of 41, and have not lived in the same country as any of our families since we left university at 21 -- so we only see any family a couple of times a year, and in fact none of my three siblings had or have children.

But I never found it at all a difficult decision to be childfree, and I certainly never needed any mitigating factors like being around other people's children, or indeed a sense of 'family'. What do you mean by a 'family life'?

Weekdays

Him - often has to travel for work, back 7.30-8ish. We eat then chat and chill watching TV.
Me - off to the gym 3/5 nights and 1/5 work out at home, taking me up to 7ish. I write, so try and do this before he gets home too.

If both back earlier, we share cooking etc.

Weekends

Lie in.
Potter around doing DIY/house sorting.
Potter out to the high street for errands, lunch and the gym again for me.
A bit of gaming for both of us.
Visit friends - we're away a lot at the weekend.
Visit family - mine live 200 miles away.
Go out drinking from 2pm to 8pm, have dinner then slope off to bed early (this has replaced going out).

And we travel. A lot. Average 3 new different countries a year.

I must admit, it's bloody fantastic, and even though we can't manage the friends stuff (since they all have kids...) we've just agreed to put off TTC for another 2 years.

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family?

No, we don't. Most of our relatives live abroad and some at the other end of the world. We do holiday with our parents a few times a year and I have a nephew that I see 3 or 4 times a year - I suppose that is my dose of "family life" but as "Baskerville" says, it's not something I need as a mitigating factor either.

Formerbabe, to be honest yes I do think having children is pretty much all awful. As I get older I think that more and more.

Yes babies and young children can be cute but they are such hard work. I hear my neighbours both sides shouting at their children, I see them having to load up their cars to just take the children out for the day (both sides have 3 children each).

Anywhere we go where there are families with young children they seem to far too often be telling the children off or shouting at them.

Almost all my friends with children say their marriages suffered because of having children and they are almost all divorced now. Someone said to me just before I got married that if I wanted a happy marriage to not have children.

Also I don't know if my friends are unlucky but so many of them have children that have given them so much grief and worry. One has a son who takes drugs and 2 of her grandsons have ended up in hospital because of drug overdoses (not intentional). I have 2 friends whose sons have been in prison. Another friend's daughter had her children taken into care and that has caused my friend enormous upset.

So even when children are grown up they can cause problems and so can grandchildren.

I also think future generations are going to face massive problems and some pretty drastic if not horrific changes. I would feel guilty if I had brought a child into the world to face that

I’m more amazed by how active everyone is! Up at 5 for a hike and 15 hours days at work. My childfree routine is more like this:

Weekdays - get up late for work and have to get ready in 15 mins and arrive in at 9.30. Home at 6, flop on couch, eat quick dinner. Stay on couch. Empty/fill dishwasher or bins if necessary. Go to bed at 9.30 and watch more tv or read. Fall asleep. Repeat.

Weekends: go to pub after work Friday. Get drunk. Eat takeaway. Lie around watching tv or reading all day Saturday. More lying around on Sunday mainly eating, and interpersed with cursory cleaning/clothes washing. Possible food shop. Lie on couch.

Occasional trip to cinema or restaurant.

mydogisthebest wow, you must know some really unhappy people! Obviously, it isn't 'all bad' or people wouldn't keep on having dc. You are seeing the negatives and assuming they are the bulk of what parenting is but you are not seeing the wonderful, joyful, overwhelmingly fulfilling satisfaction it is to raise a family. It goes without saying that there are millions of very happy families out there and they are not all the shrieking, divorcing catastrophe you seem to have witnessed! Yes it is not always easy but that is true of all aspects of life. A career - deeply satisfying, yes. Hard work, boring at times and dedication, also yes! Same for growing a vegetable garden or cooking or owning a car. Everything is a balance between the good aspects and the bad. It's just that with raising a family, everything is bigger - so bigger heart ache but also way, way bigger joys!