Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

NorthernSpirit I’m myself and unlike friends of mine who have had kids, I haven’t lost my own identity and I don’t live my life through my children. Wow! that is goading!

You don't seem to have understood that our 'identity' is constantly shifting. It can be affected and based on our career, our education, our hobbies, our political stance and yes, our family situation. So parents haven't 'lost their identity' at all, they have developed an additional aspect to their identity. Plenty of parents still are career-focused, foodies, avid travellers, marathon runner and carers of their elderly parents, political activists....they are just also parents. They just may not be interested in doing the things that you do. But then that isn't losing their identity. That is just having an identity you don't seem to approve of

I don't know because I was never a couple with dp with no children, but I am jealous of them.

Enjoy our life

The vibe I often get from threads like these is that many of those with children are too polite to say what they are really thinking, which is that those without must live empty and unfulfilled lives. It is, of course very far from the truth. I couldn't have children so consider myself childless and would call those for whom it is a choice, childfree. In either event, we can and do live full and happy lives.

One of my siblings & DH doesn’t want kids out of choice & neither does my BIL & his partner. They have great lives & I certainly don’t see them as any less fulfilled then me.

Ride my horse, take dog for a walk, do the garden, combine dog walk with brunch, go out for meals, sometimes with friends or relations .......endless. And listen to peace and quiet and birdsong

As pp's have said life and chores don't stop because you are child free. So weekday evenings are cooking dinner and clearing up. With possibly gym or swim. We do try to do our cleaning and food shopping in the week so weekends are free for more fun stuff.
We do a lot of cultural stuff so theatre, exhibitions, talks that type of thing.
We have been decorating our house for the past year.
See family and friends
TV and films at home
Cinema (we have passes)
Go to the pub and for meals out
Hobbies: me crafting, him computer games.
We sometimes do joint computer games or board games
Cooking
Faffing on our phones
Walks in the park or beach.
Lie in
Baths (long ones on a weekend)
We have an allotment too
Plus life admin

@mydogisthebest

I would feel guilty if I had brought a child into the world to face that

Do you wish you had never been born?

Been with DH since early 20’s.... we’re both about to hit 40. No kids and no real desire for them at any point.

We both have jobs that require a lot of travel so we do that... he’s about to go to the States for three weeks, I’ve just been in Beijing.

When we are home together we cook, take our dogs for very long walks, go out to eat a lot, Market’s, movies, films about once a week, theatres, festivals, concerts.... the city we live I always has a million things on.

We entertain a bit, dinner parties and bbqs. I’m finishing a PhD and have a few writing projects. DH has pursued hobbies like music and learning to fly planes.

We travel together a lot, last year was Vietnam and New Zealand, this year is Canada,Kenya and the Maldives.

Most of our close friends don’t have kids, so we can have lots of last minute dinners or weekends away together.

If DP is away I catch up with friends, have a running group or just enjoy having the house to myself.

It’s certainly not an empty or terrible existence

And having seen the anguish and cruelty inflicted on my parents by one of my brothers (druggy criminal) I have never regretted lack of children

user1471432735 - what a lovely life you have.

F

The vibe I often get from threads like these is that many of those with children are too polite to say what they are really thinking, which is that those without must live empty and unfulfilled lives.

Not from me. I was childfree till I was over 40, and my life was just as good as it is now that I have a child, just differently so. I assume the same is true of those who have chosen not to have children, or who have come to terms with not having them if that decision wasn't voluntary. I'm liking parenthood, but I had a lot of non-parent fun before I had DS, and will have more once he's reared -- I certainly didn't struggle with the meaningless emptiness of my childfree life and only grasp life's True Purpose as I delivered the placenta.

many of those with children are too polite to say what they are really thinking, which is that those without must live empty and unfulfilled lives.

Not sure, people without children look to me to be free, have much more disposable income, more options, more choices, more sleep, and yes, can be more selfish and have a blast. Maybe I remember too much my own life pre-children

I wouldn't change mine for the world, truly, no regret at all, but without them I wouldn't be living the same life at all - the only reason to be in the rat race, commute, work and so on is for them. It's only fair, they didn't ask to be born, the least their dad and I can do is give them the best life and options we possibly can.

I don't "envy" people without children, but I don't feel sorry for them either - it's ridiculous you can't have a busy, fulfilled, interesting and happy life without kids. It's just a different one.

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

Not really but I am very close to the family I have, even if I don't see them all that much.

Got a sibling with a lovely partner and 3 kids so i've got 3 nieces/nephews through them. Only seem them ever month or so though.

4 cousins, only 1 of whom I see regularly.

No living GPs.

2 parents who don't live that near me but I probably see every 6 weeks ish.

DP has a sibling and 2 steps. I probably go with him 2x a year to see his family and he might only go once more.

@sgtfredcolon ha I am NEVER up at 5. Unless it’s to go on holiday 😁

This thread is fascinating. I've never understood the antagonism between parents and childfree/childless people, there's a mix of both in my social circle.

@letsgohooray It's great that you find parenthood so fulfilling but I'm not sure any of us can say our joys or sorrows are greater than anyone else's, it seems too subjective, though I totally agree that our identities are always evolving as our life circumstances change whether that's through parenthood (or infertility) or caring for aging/sick family members or coping with our own health conditions or whatever else life throws at us.

DH and I would like children but I've never doubted that we'll still have a full and happy life if we can't have them. As for how we spend our time now, we take salsa dancing classes, we both play musical instruments, we read, we play board games, we enjoy gardening and grow our own fruit and veg, we go to concerts and the theatre, we spend time with friends and family, we look after our pets, we go away on romantic city breaks and road trips, and we probably don't spend as much time doing housework as we should! 😂

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

Nope. I'm an only child. My father is an only child. My mother died many years ago. My grandparents are all dead. I have some cousins but they are older than me so their children are pretty much all adults - plus they live several hundred miles away from me. I have little/no contact with children on a regular (or even irregular) basis. And that suits me just fine. Children bore me rigid (sorry folks, just being honest). I'm very happy with my childfree life.

Children bore me rigid (sorry folks, just being honest).

God, I don't think anyone but the most blinkered parent would actually expect people to be interested in children en masse. I have a child, but I remain uninterested in children as a general idea. I've never clucked over a pram in my life. Children are just people who haven't grown up yet -- the idea that you might love them all is as unlikely and Pollyanna-ish as someone who rushes about telling you they love people, all people!

@letsgohooray some of your posts under this name and when you name changed halfway through the thread are very angry.

What’s up with that?

@mydogisthebest you’re being equally ridiculous! Of course it’s not all negative. Just like not every child free person sits at home wailing and hoping desperately to sprog.

There are silly stereotypes and assumptions on both sides of this.

Child free and single
I usually have a lie in, watch Netflix, catch up on housework. Go and ride my horse, do a gym class, read a book. Sometimes go to big shopping centre and eat out and then browse makeup/clothes/wander round, food shop
Some weekends I barely leave the house (medical condition that makes me v v tired and I work FT)

Amibeingdaft81
Spend time on mumsnet of all places it would seem!

Yes, and thank goodness it isn't simply a parenting website as the name might suggest but an infinite source of all matter of subjects that appeal to all a women, be they childfree or not

mydogisthebest I am happily childfree like you but you are not covering yourself in glory pushing your offensive militant and extreme views. You sound quite bitter.

IvanaPee I didn't name change, I've just annoyingly somehow got separate names on my phone and laptop. I need to sort that out but can't be arsed. But no, I'm not at all angry. I am totally not in the slightest concerned whether people have or have not had dc. I also think both child free and people with dc can be totally fulfilled and happy in life. I have absolutely no idea why you think I am angry. I don't make it a habit to get emotional about other people's lives unless they are impinging on people negatively. I may have responded to some weird posts like the aggressive ones that declare all parents have lost their identity and all dc are boring, but not in anger. More to point out that ridiculousness of the statements!