Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 18 19

Original poster

Childless couples

470 replies

letsgohooray · 20/05/2019 20:24

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

OP posts:

toucantoo · 21/05/2019 09:19

Lockheartlots of sex then!!! Wondering how old you and your dp are and how long you have been together. in the early years we were constantly at it but definitely not so now. Once or twice a week now. I wonder if that's because we have dc or if it is just natural after decades together. Do couples who have been together 20+ years still shag like rabbits regardless of whether they have dc or are child free? Or is that another thread

ohfuckoffalready · 21/05/2019 09:22

Ah. I think it's goady now that you've attacked people who've commented, rather than apologising for coming across that way.

If that had been me, I'd have been mortified at people being upset, not out for more of a fight and calling them bitches.

toucantoo · 21/05/2019 09:25

twattymctwat er nope. Still here. And not goady at all. Fortunately the bitter angry types like you are in the minority here. Most people seem to be enjoying this thread. So jog on.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

ohfuckoffalready · 21/05/2019 09:32

Says it all about you.

Whoops75 · 21/05/2019 09:32

My friends sans kids have so much spontaneity in their lives, we have none.
It’s fantastic, they work hard and then do whatever they want.

It’s what I miss most

toucantoo · 21/05/2019 09:34

Thank you to the many people who enlightened me as to what they spend their time doing. It is lovely to hear what people spend their time doing. I have a dear friend who is child free by choice but now that she is going through the menopause has had some serious regrets. I have chatted to her about how every life choice brings regrets as it is all too easy to see what we DON'T have and regret not having it but that stands for everyone regardless of the choices they made. Those who chose to dedicate their time to bringing up dc may regret the things they couldn't do as a result just as those who do not have dc may like my friend, question that choice. There is no right or wrong, just life choices or what life throws at you, choice or not. But it is very nice to hear how people spend their time.

Not so many thanks to the one or two weird people who turn every thread into some kind of weird aggressive attack and read negativity into a simple post. Sheesh. Try seeing life through a happy lens. You might find it much more pleasant.

mement0mori · 21/05/2019 09:35

The phrase is child free, not childless

I am not sure this is correct. I am childless and I know many other women who use childless to describe their situation.

I think when one experience is closed to you there are other valid and meaningful paths that you can take. I think that my life is a lot different to how it would have been if I had been able to have children but it is not worse, it is just different. I think families come in different shapes and sizes and I have probably made a lot more effort with my friendship group and my extended family. It seems to me that traditional families are often more insular because they are so busy with each other and their various activities that they don't have much time for anyone or anything outside of their own little bubble. The way you have described your life sounds quite claustrophobic to me, although it is what I once wanted. It think now I am past the pain of it all it is not something I would chose so perhaps I am childfree after all

EmptyOrchestra · 21/05/2019 09:36

Do couples who have been together 20+ years still shag like rabbits regardless of whether they have dc or are child free? Or is that another thread

Been together over 15 years, have two young kids - we go for very long periods with no sex at all due to my own health issues, but recently when my sex drive returned we had sex 2-3 times a day for a couple of weeks. It still probably averages out to less than once a month all told 😂

formerbabe · 21/05/2019 09:39

I think any animosity on this thread is because there's envy on both sides

AbsoluteGonk · 21/05/2019 09:40

Good thread. Apart from comments like:

I’m myself and unlike friends of mine who have had kids, I haven’t lost my own identity and I don’t live my life through my children

Okaaay ...

AbsoluteGonk · 21/05/2019 09:47

My mind is boggled by how many people have said they go hiking!

They probably mean walking in the countryside!

Aberforthsgoat · 21/05/2019 09:55

@absolutegonk I definitely mean hiking :) 20 miles + on trails

EggAndButter · 21/05/2019 09:57

The OP can easily have a 25yo AND a 5yo with one in between.

And I agree, life as a childless person is so different because you have spare cash you don’t have as a parent. An energy to do things you don’t have as a parent. And of course time.

I think the answer is simply (looking at the Childress couples I know) that they have develop their own interests and are spending time doing those. Some of them also seem to have a much wide circle of friends, are going out to each other houses etc... much more.

Sometimes, I’m quite envious...

EggAndButter · 21/05/2019 10:02

’m myself and unlike friends of mine who have had kids, I haven’t lost my own identity and I don’t live my life through my children

I think it’s an interesting comment.
I do think that having children changes you. Wo it being an issue of ‘living your life through them’, you do spend a heel of a time doing things for them rather than yourself. Which also means there is little or no time to develop interest/side of yourself that don’t ‘fit’ being a parent.
On the other side, it does sort of force you to develop some interest and qualities you wouldn’t have wo children!

So I don’t think you’ve lost your identity becoming a parent but that becoming a parent is changing your identity/centre if interest etc....

ohfuckoffalready · 21/05/2019 10:10

You've called everyone who's called out your post as hurtful as twats and bitches. We're not the ones who need to be more positive.

Try being a nice empathetic human being and then maybe you won't have to turn to Mumsnet to ask basic questions.

SleepingSloth · 21/05/2019 10:13

an awesome swanky house with sharp corners and concrete floors

😂😂😂

Notwiththeseknees · 21/05/2019 10:15

DP and I are child free. We live about 70 miles apart most of the year so we spend time chatting on the phone if we are apart, planning our next time together - so this Friday we will go to the gym, cook dinner, talk, watch TV etc, Saturday breakfast together, do some boat jobs, look after a friends dog for one night, take the boat out, bit of food shopping, cook something, go to local cafe for Sunday breakfast, walk on the beach, drive to my sisters on Monday to help her with a job.

Last winter we went away for nearly five months. We never run out of things to talk about and things to do.

We are both childfree by choice, I have friends who are childfree and friends who are not. My childfree friends are mainly really happy and have great relationships with their partners/husbands. We are all in our late 40's to mid-50's.

mydogisthebest · 21/05/2019 10:20

Well among my close friends and family there are 12 couples who have no children. They have all, apart from one couple, been very open about choosing not to have children. So no, I don't agree that most childfree couples are so not by choice.

As to the amount of sex couples without children have. Well we are now in our 60's and sex is not so frequent due mainly to health issues. Up until the last couple of years though we probably had sex at least 4 times a week. I do think couples without children probably have more sex just because they are not so tired, don't have to worry about making a noise, don't have to be restricted to the bedroom etc etc

mydogisthebest · 21/05/2019 10:22

Formerbabe, "envy on both sides"! I am not sure anyone who chose not to have children would be envious of people with children. I know I certainly am not. In fact it makes me more certain that we made the right choice

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/05/2019 10:26

The while 'surely there's only so much NT' attitude is pretty patronising OP, intentional or not. I don't even speak to my mother so she effectively spent 18 years of her life revolving her time around me for zero output at the end of it, not all parenting yields anything and isn't a more meaningful pursuit than doing any other thing.

I'm childless and will remain so (health readons) and DP and I have a great time. I have no idea if it is a better time than anyone who is spending it with their child because I don't need to be happy with anyone else's life than my own. We watch TV, see films, cook at home a lot, go out for walks or drives, go on holiday, spend time with our dogs, see friends, holiday with friends separately and together, ditto hobbies such as sports (him) or arts (me) we talk a lot, go shopping fairly often, decorate our home. We too go to National Trust properties ; with a membership it's pretty cheap, we have several locally and use them as a pleasant place to dog walk or picnic, or I go with a book on a hot day when I fancy somewhere a bit fancier than the garden. It makes limited sense to say 'surely theres only so much of that you can do' - it's just some green space, I don't think repeat visitors are going in the historical houses rereading the guide books each time they go!

We do whatever we fancy basically. I really enjoy his company but we also spend plenty of time apart doing separate things and exploring our interests. We'd have potentially liked children but are just as happy without; it's just different life paths isn't it and I think placing a value judgement is pointless.

Yabbers · 21/05/2019 10:30

I’m interested in these answers. I’m not childless, but when we don’t have DD for a time, we’ve forgotten what we did before we had her. It’s good to get some suggestions here.

BlueSkiesLies · 21/05/2019 10:31

My mind is boggled by how many people have said they go hiking!

They probably mean walking in the countryside!

No, I mean hiking. Grew up in the peaks, I'm pretty sure I know what I mean by hiking.

Out all day, 15+ miles, hills, remoteness, you know - the quintessential definition of hiking?

Although even if people are only going for a 3 mile gentle walk on well surfaced paths in the countryside - what does that matter if they call that hiking? Still nice to be outside isn't it?

I'm not sure there is a universally accepted exact cut off between when a walk becomes a hike in terms of length, altitude gain, roughness of path and remoteness!

formerbabe · 21/05/2019 10:45

@mydogisthebest

How arrogant of you to suggest that childfree people don't feel envy yet not extend that suggestion to people with children. Both paths in life have positives and negatives.

mydogisthebest · 21/05/2019 10:50

Formerbabe, I have never been envious of anyone with children not even for 1 second. Most of my childfree friends say the same.

Lots of my friends with children have said if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any even though they love their children.

I see absolutely no positives in having children. They can ruin your body, your bank balance and your relationship. They can and often do cause a hell of a lot of worry, stress and pain. They will most likely be growing up in a total shit world too

mydogisthebest · 21/05/2019 10:52

I should have also added that just about all my friends with children have been divorced at least once. None of my childfree friends or family have. The shortest time any of them has been married is 26 years and the longest is 50. I don't somehow think that is coincidence

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 18 19