Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

Pre-DC we used to have lovely long lie-ins, exercise every day, go for bike rides, spend time in the pub playing pool, reading the papers and chatting/playing board games. We saw friends much more often, went bowling, had spa days, and ate out 3 times a week.

DS is 22 months old, we don't do as much of the above but we do manage all of it, just not nearly as frequently! I wouldn't change a thing, he's just the most gorgeous, precious little thing and well worth missing out on the above.

The OP has confirmed something I've long suspected - that some of my associates who have kids look at my child free life and see a huge gaping void of nothing!
One of my child free pals said: "They just imagine their life minus children and assume that's how we live". Either that or I find I am often infantilised - treated like I'm a carefree, irresponsible teenager with a hectic life of clubbing and shagging multiple partners with gay abandon. I'm 55! Same wise friend observed that these ones remember their life when they were single and child-free and assume that like Peter Pan, we live on as children ourselves for ever and ever.

Orangeballon, it really annoys me when people (wrongly) assume that because a couple choice not to have children they have lots of money.

Our children are well and truly grown up now and we spend days off going out for long lunches, visiting friends, planning holidays, weekends away, it’s bliss. I guess it’s a bit different as we did have children but even then we did do quite a few lunches out etc. I purposely didn’t make weekends too organised for the dc’s whereas now parents seem to be more solely focussed on their children’s wants at weekends.
We have quite a few child free friends and always spent time with them, often at not conventionally child friendly places.

This was definitely meant to be a goady thread. I note the op disappeared pretty early when she didn't get the impression people without children lead terribly empty lives

Balls. You can't put a tone into text.

Of course you can!

Not actual tone that you can hear - obviously! - but you can imply all sorts, which is exactly what the OP has done. At least to anyone with a degree of cop on.

I don't agree that the majority of childfree couples are not childfree by choice. I certainly know that among my childfree friends and family only one couple say they wanted children

Well I have a foot in both worlds, as my exH and I have 50/50 care of the DC, and so does DP, so we have lots of free time as well as lots of parenting days. It's like leading a double life! On our no DC Days, we do our shared hobby (I know mumsnetters hate that word but it's pretty identifying!) which is a big active day out usually, followed by cold pints in the pub after, cooking, board games and then chill in front of the telly. We sometimes escape for the weekend camping. On child free weekdays we meet after work, do the hobby (we're obsessed 😂) and chill out and chat shit. Other days we go for long hikes or party with our childless friends.

And LOADS of sex of course!

I don't agree that the majority of childfree couples are not childfree by choice. I certainly know that among my childfree friends and family only one couple say they wanted children

How is that any proof? FWIW, I don't go around telling people how much I wanted children, either. It's none of other people's business, and unless they're very close friends or family, they're free to make assumptions. You "not agreeing" with statistics means nothing.

We spontaneously go to the pub after work for a catch up about the day and a few beers, go out for dinner, we do lots of little mini breaks to explore different places. We go outdoor swimming.
I like photography and we go on long hikes every weekend so I combine the two as we are lucky enough to live in a place with has beautiful scenic walks on our doorstep.
I cook a lot, as I love it, and make jewellery. I also read a lot and love running.
DH is into gaming and hiking too, and we often randomly decide to go sit in a nice cafe garden or get coffee and go sit by the lake in the park, or take books and towels and go sunbathe by the lido on a sunny day.
We host people, go to the cinema, go to exhibitions in London, meet up with friends, I go to a book group and DH has a regular social meet.
To be honest I never have enough hours and am constantly running out of time to do things so I’ve never felt my life is lacking in the way these types of thread sometimes imply.

Also, in regards to the hiking, outdoor swimming, kayaking, eating out, running etc - a lot of our friends with children do this too.

Cinema, holidays, visit friends, visit family, eat out, volunteer, take cat to vet, go for massages, go to birthday parties and weddings, meet friends, service the car, housework, clearing out stuff, read, watch tv, play switch/ Xbox games, go to theatre, recover from surgery, cook, bake, host dinner party, bbq, go for walks, go shopping, go for coffee, TTC, snuggle on sofa on our phones- just some of the things done in my free time in last few months. I wonder how people with children have time to do anything (as someone who hopes to have a child).

As for what we chat about- life, work, politics, philosophy/ morality, food, the news, holidays, our friends, our family, our cat, our hopes, our dreams etc

I've told DH that if he dies before we retire - and are free to do all the cool stuff lots of people are talking about on this thread - I'll be so pissed off with him.

When I read the original question I saw it as someone whose life is consumed by parenthood and who is worried what will happen after her dc have grown up and left. Some couples do forget themselves when they are parenting, it’s quite easily done that couples neglect their own relationship. It’s why a flashpoint for marriage breakdown is when the nest is empty.

My sister is a lot older than me and her dc left home 20 years ago, I still have a sixth former at home. She said her DH and her had a crazy amount of sex because they had the house to themselves at last.

Before dc we had weekends where we often had one day that was a not get up till midday kind of day.The other one was up early and out for a hike. Lots of hugely competitive board game battles and doing the crossword together. DS can now drive and is out and about a lot. He was away with his cadet group two weeks ago .We went to a public lecture at a local University, had a long lay in one day, went for two woodland walks and had a lovely meal out at a restaurant we both like. We have started doing the crossword together again.

AnotherEmma I'm sorry for you that you see life through your particular lens. It is not obvious that I have a 'tone' as many many people commenting have not read that tone into it. Rather, it is you who view things in a negative light and have read a tone where there isn't one. I have no agenda or bug bear ergo, there IS no tone regardless of your insistence. Try lightening up. It might make you less judgemental.

My mind is boggled by how many people have said they go hiking!

My oh would think I was quite mad if I suggested we go hiking!

Hithere12. Wow, how about judging me as overbearing based on a single post. Well done. I still have young ones for what it's worth. So not particularly overbearing. Just busy mum with kids of different ages, dogs, horses and a menagerie if other creatures to deal with. Why are some people so angry? So glad the vast majority aren't and are happy to describe their lives. It's nice to hear how others occupy themselves. Don't turn everything into a fight.

Are you the OP, have you namechanged?

Really don’t get why this thread has wound people up.
“Your life is so different from mine, what’s it like?”
“How DARE you imply my life is empty and boring!”

I’m really interested in what day-to-day life is like in huge families, but it’s certainly not because I think they just sit around twiddling their thumbs!

I don't see a gap @DustyGrapevine, It's just a different life and one I've not much adult experience off. I'm looking forward to the time when there's just me and my husband at home. I love spending time with him and it will be lovely to not have to adapt what we do to fit in with our son. The few people I have known who didn't have children seemed plenty busy and happy, some of them actually spontaneous which is the bit I can't remember.

Judystilldreamsofhorses thank you for such a nice post detailing your activities. That's all I wanted. Some insight into how others live. It's really nice to hear how people enjoy themselves and occupy their time. No idea why some people have turned this into a bitchfest of parents vs non parents. Why are people so aggressive these days???

@toucantoo

You said you started having kids 25 years ago so surely the youngest must be at least in their teens? So I just didn’t understand how they’d take up 90% of your time? Surely they should be out with their friends etc.

FizzBussBangWoof we just left a rather large gap before starting up again. so older one and younger ones. Not really that odd. One left uni one just left primary and a couple in between. I know loads of people with big age gaps. Sometimes due to second relationships but several like us who just had one early and others later. I'm definitely much more relaxed as a parent with the youngest!

Hithere12 my only child still at home is a home body, despite encouragement to get out and about with his friends. He does activities that take up our time too, we don't mind as the day will come when he leaves home so we're enjoying time with him while we can.

My DSis and BIL don’t have children, and their life is absolutely wonderful.
Amazing holidays, fancy restaurants, running marathons, teaching Pilates, high flying jobs with no concerns about working overtime, an awesome swanky house with sharp corners and concrete floors and one bit of floor made of glass, lie ins and leisurely lunches on the weekend if they’re not out being active, being able to call in sick and go to bed if they’re ill...

I wouldn’t trade with them personally, but their lives are a lot of fun!