Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

Oh God I name change on here weekly!

So do I, and I am running out of usernames

@BossAssBitch

You’re right.
Also very supportive for women who left trying to conceive until their forties.
It’s a great forum

I have absolutely no idea why you think I am angry

😂 see below why people are saying you’re angry. Your language is so unhinged and angry. You’ve called people bitchy earlier, weird, ridiculous. You’re language is so ott and aggressive over minor disagreements.

I don't make it a habit to get emotional about other people's lives unless they are impinging on people negatively. I may have responded to some weird posts like the aggressive ones that declare all parents have lost their identity and all dc are boring, but not in anger. More to point out that ridiculousness of the statements

mydogsthebest if people made such undermining sweeping statements about child free couple you would’ve had a problem with it.

I think you are sounding pretty bitter and you need a reality check and some help accepting your current life- else you wouldn’t feel the need to undermine other people’s choices and get some acknowledgement from them that you made the right choice.

Child free or not, I’m sure everyone made the right choice for them and sneering at either side is rude.

IABUQueen, I am not bitter about my life nor do I need help accepting it. I assume you think I really wanted children and am upset and bitter because I didn't have any?

Me and DH chose not to have any and never of us have ever regretted it. As I said, as time has gone by, we are both even more certain and happy that we made the right choice.

If people that chose to have children are happy great. I would hope in all honesty that if someone chose that they would be happy but that is certainly not true of a lot of the women (and some men) that I know.

Over the years we have lived in about 14 different places and met an awful lot of people. I have been amazed and saddened by just how many have said they would choose not to have children if they could go back in time.

As I also said, far too many of our friends' children have caused lots of trouble, worry and stress and we are so glad that we don't have any of that.

I do think you can have a happy relationship with children but I also think it is far more difficult to.

We seem to be sold this rosy myth of how wonderful children are when, far too often, they are not. Just for the effects having a baby can have on your body I am glad I didn't have any. Seems like all the women I know have bladder problems and often bowel problems too at the very minimum.

All the women you know seem to have very problematic lives, too.

You need new friends.

many of those with children are too polite to say what they are really thinking, which is that those without must live empty and unfulfilled lives.

I have had comments from other people, usually women, who do the whole head tilting routine and tell me very seriously that they feel very sorry for me for missing out on experiencing being a mum. Meh! If they want to feel sorry for me then that's up to them. Fortunately my friends (with kids) are all nice, normal, funny women who don't get hung up on whether someone's procreated or not.

I admire women with children, in the same way that I admire people who can speak other languages - amazing to be able to do it but it's never appealed to me

Hithere12 calm down. You seem very angry.

many of those with children are too polite to say what they are really thinking, which is that those without must live empty and unfulfilled lives.

🤣 Sorry I know you want us to lament our child free lives but it's not going to happen. DP and I have friends with children and we've seen it all and are perfectly happy without 😆 I make my own happiness thanks, I don't need another person to validate myself.

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

No. DH is an only child. I have one sister, who wanted children but sadly wasn't able to have them. One of my parents is an only child - I have two cousins on the other side, but I haven't seen them for over 20 years and wouldn't recognise them on the street now.

All my grandparents are dead now, and so is DFIL, therefore my only family is my parents and sister, my sister's DP, and DH's mum - so there are no children in my life at all.

Saturdays are generally 'our' days. We have coffee in front of the tv, then DP will go into the garden and work til dark. I'll read, do the washing, maybe go for a run, do some studying if necessary and sometimes fall asleep during the afternoon! Dinner late, in front of the TV, and a film if there's nothing on. Occassionally we'll go to the local city to do some shopping, but that's a once in a blue moon event.

Sunday starts the same, but we always get the weekly shop at about ten, then stop in at the local cafe for a coffee on the way home. DP cooks a fry-up when we get in (the only meal he cooks) whilst I put the food away. He'll spend the afternoon in the garden whilst I clean out the animals, wash their pads and do some housework. I then make a roast dinner. If I have time I'll bake a cake at some point.

My two BILs and their wives are childfree. They work, come home, meet friends, play sports, plan holidays, go away for the weekend, buy holiday homes because they have extra cash, plan lots of trips away. I don't think they ever worry about what to do. They do get a bit of the big family life because they often come to our childrens' concerts/plays/graduations etc and often spend christmas etc with us but I don't think that is something that fills a void - more that they love our children and our family so like spending time with us.

My kids are older now and we have more time and I never have a problem in filling it - or spending it with dh - just having coffee together or reading a book sitting on the porch or whatever. it is just as nice as the days when we were sitting at the sidelines of matches or rushing to swimming classes.

We're childfree by choice, neither of us want them. We both have quite full-on careers but we make the most of our free time. What we do varies depending on the time of year - we're in Canada. I walk or run with our dogs every morning regardless of the weather though.

Weekday evenings this winter: walk the dogs again, cook or go out for dinner, go to the archery or shooting ranges (indoors), go ice skating, to ice hockey games, to the cinema or the pub, see friends for dinner or drinks, go shopping (most shops are open until at least 9pm here), watch TV, Netflix or a movie, I go to yoga one evening and to the climbing wall a couple of times a week, DP works in his workshop in the garage where he makes bushcraft equipment as a hobby - he sells quite a lot of it.

Spring/summer evenings we still do some of the above but also take the dogs further afield for longer evening walks, barbecue and hang out in the garden, meet friends, go for ice cream, DP plays golf, I go trail running. If we finish early we might drive over to Banff or somewhere in the mountains for an evening hike, there are limitless amazing options for that here.

Winter weekends we take the dogs out, go skiing (downhill and x-country), ice skating, snowshoeing, winter hiking, go to the mall or to our favourite outdoor shops, see friends, eat out, watch movies, cook, bake. I go climbing, DP works in his workshop. If the conditions are right we sometimes drive out to the mountains to see if we can see the northern lights.

Summer weekends - this will be my first full summer here - we'll mostly be out in the mountains with the dogs. We go camping a lot and we'll hike, kayak, spot wildlife, cook outdoors. DP plays golf and also does fly fishing so we'll have a few weekends doing that, I'll trail run and rock climb when I can.

We also travel a lot and go for weekends away here in Canada. We're planning to drive down to the US quite a bit too for hiking, fishing etc.

I love our lives; I love being free to do what I want when I want and having the money to do it! I have nothing against kids but it's not for me.

@formerbabe sorry but I also can't see any positives in having children and have never felt envy towards people with kids. I feel pleased not to be burdened with them. Different strokes for different folks!

Would like to ask childfree by choice people, do you have a big extended family? I often think it's an easier choice to be childfree if you have a big family anyway so don't need to have your own children in order to create a family life iyswim?

Yes we both come from very large families, but that didn't impact on our decision not to have children (nor the amount of hassle that we got from our respective families about when we were going to have a baby!).

Mydogisthebest, I literally don't know any parents that fit your description and I know quite a few! In fact where I live you have to get used to lots of parents being demonstratively optimistic, yesterday for example, 'what a glorious afternoon it is, we shall have to go home and think about how we want to spend our time!' I am surrounded by 'positive' parents.

Equally, since when did children stop at least one of you having a ' full on career', if anything as a parent the pressure is on to earn money to pay for your kids. Guess what? We parents also talk about politics and current affairs and shit like that!

Our DCs are in their mid teens with busy social lives of their own, plus they both have weekend jobs. So, DH and I now get a lot of freedom again and it's wonderful.

DH always gets up early but I like a lie in at the weekends. DH usually brings me a cup of tea between 9 and 10. After showering we always pop out for brunch at one of our local cafes. After lunch, we might run a few errands or go for a drive and listen to music.

Back home, I like to relax on the sofa either reading or browsing the Internet. DH potters around tinkering with stuff, or on his laptop. Often we'll go for a siesta

If we're at home for the evening we might get a takeaway, or just cobble together something snacky like cheese on toast, or soup and a sandwich. We might watch a box set, or just potter about and listen to Absolute 80s on the radio. DH might go and have one of his epic soaks in the bath.

If our DCs are home, we'll cross paths in the kitchen or on the landing. DD usually persuades me into giving her a shoulder rub in return for her keeping me supplied with cups of tea

Once or twice a month we might meet up with friends for dinner and drinks, or just supper at each other houses. I regularly meet my girlfriends for coffee and DH plays golf in a local society.

Sometimes we go to the cinema, or a wander around various local beauty spots, we live very near AONB.

We enjoy going away for the weekends, both with our DCs and alone.

It's a very easy, happy lifestyle and deliberately fairly low key. DH and I were proper party people all through university and our twenties, so we really appreciate a more gentle pace now

We are about to become older parents in our 40’s.
Up to now I’ve spent all of my free time with my horse, competing at weekends etc. We also keep chickens and have 3 cats so home is busy. Then I spend time with DH just doing normal things. I have a busy full time job and commute so not much time for anything else.
Never been bored though!

There seem to be a lot of child free people on here happily saying things like 'I can't see anything positive about having children', 'I find children boring', 'people with children are unhappy and divorce more than child free people'. I wonder what people would say if parents said things like that about child free people? Things like 'I couldn't imagine a life so lacking' or 'childless people don't know what love is'. They would be dreadful comments but funnily, it is only child free people who are saying rude and judgemental comments here.

Cats seem to be a thing which SOME couples without children seem to really focus on from my experience- I noticed someone mentioning they had a 'demanding cat' earlier when comparing the demands of having children. My friend pre-children once told me she knew how I felt having a small child as she had a cat. It's a weird one as personally all those couples I've seen been obsessed with cats seem to lose interest in them totally if they do go on to have children. Sorry to go off on a massive tangent, dogs etc just don't seem to evoke the same reaction, I just find it quite peculiar. It may just be the people I know though

I’ve found this thread really interesting, rage and bitchiness aside.
Have posted a couple of times - I’m child free currently and live a happy fulfilling life but don’t mind admitting that I AM envious of people with children. It’s still in our plan although we’ve not had much luck so far with a couple of losses.
So I guess that made me look at my life and kind of reframe it in my mind a little - what if we don’t have children?
And I realised that it would be okay for us and we would still have fulfilling happy lives we would just have to get used to it because it wouldn’t be a first choice. So now I see it as appreciating the time we have to be carefree and do whatever.

But I also thing it’s foolish to think there’s any one kind of fulfilled life be that with children or without. Some people chose not to and so they get the life they chose and make the most of it. Some people chose to have kids and again - if it works out - they get the life they chose and make the most of it.
Those who wanted to but couldn’t have to find a way to make the most of it too.
I guess what I’m saying in a long winded way is any life can be fulfilled regardless of the situation you just adapt and make the most of it and to kind of insinuate otherwise because people live a life that’s different to yours is kind of obnoxious (that’s not directed at any one poster by the way).

I’ve found this thread really interesting, rage and bitchiness aside.
Have posted a couple of times - I’m child free currently and live a happy fulfilling life but don’t mind admitting that I AM envious of people with children. It’s still in our plan although we’ve not had much luck so far with a couple of losses.
So I guess that made me look at my life and kind of reframe it in my mind a little - what if we don’t have children?
And I realised that it would be okay for us and we would still have fulfilling happy lives we would just have to get used to it because it wouldn’t be a first choice. So now I see it as appreciating the time we have to be carefree and do whatever.

But I also thing it’s foolish to think there’s any one kind of fulfilled life be that with children or without. Some people chose not to and so they get the life they chose and make the most of it. Some people chose to have kids and again - if it works out - they get the life they chose and make the most of it.
Those who wanted to but couldn’t have to find a way to make the most of it too.
I guess what I’m saying in a long winded way is any life can be fulfilled regardless of the situation you just adapt and make the most of it and to kind of insinuate otherwise because people live a life that’s different to yours is kind of obnoxious (that’s not directed at any one poster by the way).

cafelatte it was me who mentioned having a demanding cat. I was in absolutely no way comparing her to a child, more that she climbs on our heads if we lie in bed too long. I was trying to be funny, which clearly did not come across. I do not in any way see her as a substitute for a child - which I would have dearly loved to have.