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Original poster

MIL never showers at our house

109 replies

Cinnemom · 17/05/2019 11:25

MIL visits and stays with us for 2/3 nights every few weeks. She has her own bathroom here (not brand new or fancy, but nice, clean and with a big nice shower). I leave out lovely shower gel and a big fluffy towel. She never uses it!!

For some reason she has a strip wash, uses a flannel and a hand towel. It takes her forever to get ready!!!

Is it a generational thing? She’s nearly 70 and grew up in a very poor family with a shared outside bathroom. There’s no access issue as it is a walk in shower. I wonder if it is just habit now.

I know she can choose to wash or not wash and there’s no smell. I just wish she’d shower, as the strip wash and getting ready routine takes her 90 minutes!!! Every bloody morning and we want to get up and out the house with the little ones. A shower takes a few minutes. Interested in other people’s thoughts?

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 17/05/2019 11:32

If she takes that long with a strip wash I don’t see how a shower would be quicker. I always though a strip wash was the quickest! Yes I think it’s generational as my mother used to do that, but it was quick! Tell her you aim to be out of the house by X time could is she ok with that? Then she can adjust her routine to be ready.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 11:33

I doubt it's the strip washing that takes that long so a shower would make no difference there.

Given what you've said, that's very odd.

I would give her a time you're heading out and if she doesn't meet it tell her where you'll be and off you go.

FiremanKing · 17/05/2019 11:36

Is she frightened of slipping over in the shower?

Or perhaps she doesn’t want to ‘waste’ your water? Maybe she is on a meter at home?

jackparlabane · 17/05/2019 11:41

Is she physically slow? It could well be it takes her a long time to get dressed, reaching down, resting, etc.
She might appreciate a shower stool, or just not like strange showers. I doubt a shower would be quicker.

NaiceHamPlease · 17/05/2019 11:41

My MIL lived with us for 6 months Shock, she had a lovely guest room with her own walk in shower. She never used it and would only use the family bathroom for a bath (but only if we were all out of the house!!) She'd strip wash in the shower room then head to the utility room to wash her hair over the sink in there. We call this the 'cats sink' as it's really only used to wash the cats food bowls Envy. We finally managed to get it out of her that she doesn't like getting her face wet.

I am pleased to report that after three years in her new house, with two lovely showers, at the grand old age of 73yrs, she's finally embraced showers and now marvels at how much extra time she has in the mornings, specially on hair wash day! Grin

saraclara · 17/05/2019 11:43

Maybe she doesn't know how to work the shower? My MIL didn't. She'd only ever had baths. And even I have trouble occasionally with other people's/hotels showers.
In fact only a couple of days ago I had to ask my friend to help me make sense of the shower in our hotel room

aweedropofsancerre · 17/05/2019 11:45

My MIL is a very active 74yr old who prides herself on her appearance and showers daily in her own house. But has never used our shower..... ever and neither has her husband

PregnantSea · 17/05/2019 11:45

Really sounds like a generational thing. People used to wash less in general, and she also may be very conscious of "wasting" water and electricity at your house.

If she takes 90 minutes to wipe herself down with a flannel and get changed, then I suspect she would take the same amount of time if she was showering. IME once your relatives get to a certain age it takes them a long time to do most things. Eating, going to the loo, getting in and out of the car, pay for their shopping at the till. I think it's a combination of being old enough to not bother rushing for other people's benefit and simply finding it more difficult/painful to move around and do things.

PerkingFine · 17/05/2019 11:51

Oh God not another bloody MN strip wash thread !!!!!!

BallyHockeySticks · 17/05/2019 11:51

I think it's likely to be about saving your water & electricity. I don't think it'll be taking significantly longer than showering, and it would take her 90 mins either way. If she is an introvert maybe she just enjoys a bit of time to herself.

PoorRichard · 17/05/2019 11:51

My MIL has never showered in our house either -- and ILs have to stay rather longer than yours, as they live in another country.

I conclude that she gets her hair 'done' and 'set' once a week and doesn't want to mess it up by wetting it or by wearing a shower cap. No idea what she does at home -- it's possible that their home shower has one of those hand-held things where you could direct the spray from the neck down?

LittleAndOften · 17/05/2019 11:54

My parents (in their 70s) visit every couple of months. It doesn't matter how long they stay (up to 5 days, but usually 3) they won't shower. I think they only shower once or maybe twice a week at home. DH finds it baffling. I think they're set in their baby boomer, post-war frugal ways of their upbringing. And I think they still see showers as extravagant and modern contraptions! I don't think DB or I could have been very clean growing up...

The irony is we spend a good few hours making their bedroom and en suite immaculate and lovely before they come. A pointless exercise but we still do it!

PerkingFine · 17/05/2019 11:54

People used to wash less in general

In the Tudor times maybe!

MoodLighting · 17/05/2019 11:56

Same here!

ginghamtablecloths · 17/05/2019 12:02

Does she suffer from arthritis? It can slow you down very badly. She may not shower at home either and could be afraid of falling.

HazelBite · 17/05/2019 12:03

She might not be able to "work" your shower and be embarrassed to ask. Quite often it takes me a while to fathom out the workings of a strange shower.
Does she just prefer a bath?
Is it a shower that showers from above? She might hate that feeling of "drowning" underneath it (does she have a shower cap?)
That is a long time though that makes me think that she has a particular daily routine that she likes to stick to to make herself feel presentable.

DonkeyHohtay · 17/05/2019 12:08

It is totally a generational thing. My parents are similar ages and never have a daily shower. Once or twice a week, max, with strip washes in between.

Don't take it personally, or as a comment on your washing facilities!

Chasingsquirrels · 17/05/2019 12:08

My 73yo mum showers daily and has done for many years, although not when I was a child - she used to strip wash and my parents only a shower put in when I was a teen in the mid/late 80's.
My 73yo dad showers once a week, whether he needs it or not! And doesn't strip wash inbetween. In summer he sometimes does smell.

When I was a younger child I remember weekly baths on a Sunday night.

ManchesterBorn · 17/05/2019 12:08

Strip wash ARE longer than showers, and a ridiculous faff.

In your MIL, as above, a shower would probably not be that much quicker if it takes her 90mn. A shower stool, showing her how things work (even if you pretend you change something in there), and a hand held shower head could help. I hate showers who only have a fixed thing above your head, how you can you clean yourself properly with them?

ManchesterBorn · 17/05/2019 12:10

My grand-parents are well into their 80s and have always washed daily, it's not a generational thing, it's probably more cultural than anything else.

thenightsky · 17/05/2019 12:10

Is the height of the sprayer adjustable up and down so she could shower from the armpits down but keep her hair dry? A lot of people don't want to be washing their hair every day - especially if it entails blow drying, styling etc afterwards.

Branleuse · 17/05/2019 12:10

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Hecateh · 17/05/2019 12:12

I'm 64 and shower regularly never have a bath any more.

I grew up in a house where the only 'shower' was a plastic shampoo thing that was pushed onto the taps for rinsing hair.

My parents never had a shower at home until they moved into sheltered accommodation. They had a bath once a week and strip washed in between times.

Once they moved into sheltered accommodation I doubt they showered more than once a week until carers started coming in and doing it for them.

Mum used to grumble all the time that she couldn't have a bath, she wanted a bath, she preferred a bath, why couldn't she have a bath (not sure how!) and never did get to like showers.

SpacePlusTime · 17/05/2019 12:13

Surprised at people saying their parents of this age don’t shower.

My Dad is 72 and has had a daily morning shower for a long as I can remember.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 12:13

some sweeping comments being made here! All the auld folk I know are daily showerers and have been for years! Glad to see the back of weekly baths and strip washing.