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Original poster

MIL never showers at our house

109 replies

Cinnemom · 17/05/2019 11:25

MIL visits and stays with us for 2/3 nights every few weeks. She has her own bathroom here (not brand new or fancy, but nice, clean and with a big nice shower). I leave out lovely shower gel and a big fluffy towel. She never uses it!!

For some reason she has a strip wash, uses a flannel and a hand towel. It takes her forever to get ready!!!

Is it a generational thing? She’s nearly 70 and grew up in a very poor family with a shared outside bathroom. There’s no access issue as it is a walk in shower. I wonder if it is just habit now.

I know she can choose to wash or not wash and there’s no smell. I just wish she’d shower, as the strip wash and getting ready routine takes her 90 minutes!!! Every bloody morning and we want to get up and out the house with the little ones. A shower takes a few minutes. Interested in other people’s thoughts?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2019 13:02

Really sounds like a generational thing. People used to wash less in general

No. We used to bath less. Hot water cost a lot of money. And the obsession with Still washed.

Didn't wash clothes so much and nor would you if you had to boil the water and hand mangle to get the water out. Twin tubs were for the wealthier.

And do you 'lot' like being called Young Mums, or Millennials or Older Mums or whatever other Group name is going?
Or do you all have your own minds and opinions and ways of doing things because you're individuals?

Well, guess what. Once you hit 50 that doesn't change.

Yearofchange · 17/05/2019 13:03

My MIL doesn’t shower at our house either, and the irony of giving the en suite a deep clean and leaving it all sparkly (for her not to use) is not lost on me. If we stay with her she also rarely showers. Not aware of any strip washing going on either . She will often wear the same clothes a few days running too. Even more worrying my SIL (in her 40s) also seems to be heading in the same direction! Neither of them smell though so perhaps there is some stealth washing going on

I do think there is a generational thrift thing at play here. Growing up we were only allowed a shower every third morning, which was horrible as a teen. I think if I had my period I was allowed one every other day but was encouraged to use baby wipes instead to freshen up. This was in the early 90s as well we were not allowed baths either as it was ‘wasteful’. My parents were not from particularly poor or difficult backgrounds and we were comfortable financially so no idea where all of this frugality came from.

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2019 13:04

And the obsession with Still washed.

Oops. And the obsession with cleanliness wasn't there as it was much harder work. People didn't change their clothes everyday. But they still washed.

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 13:06

This generational shit is exactly that. My mum would have been 101 next month. She bathed every morning - she hated showers as much as I do.

squishee · 17/05/2019 13:09

Ask her?

MidnightMystery · 17/05/2019 13:10

She may have a fear of slipping ?

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 17/05/2019 13:10

My parents are both early eighties and have always showered, we showered as children too. My mother in law wouldn’t shower as she didn’t like water getting on her face or hair, she always went to the hairdresser once a fortnight to get her hair washed too.

Lastleafonthetree · 17/05/2019 13:14

We oldies were teens in the 60s. Everyone I knew showered once a day - if there was no shower, we bathed. My own DC had a daily shower or bath in the 70s and 80s. Now as old folk we go to the gym, we hill walk, we swim, we garden, we child-mind - and since virtually everyone has a shower, we shower as often as you do.

Some of you may know "old people" who don't shower every day. I've read on MN about younger people who don't, either. It isn't a "generational thing".

thenightsky · 17/05/2019 13:21

I have to have shoes on to ensure I don't fall as I can't feel what's under my bare feet. I'm not ill, just getting older and losing facility. Your beautiful new bathroom, tiled floors and walls, shiny porcelain, gleaming chrome and oh god, a glass shower screen, nothing to grip if I slip in this slippery, watery room

That is pretty much word for word what my own elderly mother used to say! She was terrified of shiny floors in shopping centres etc too.

Lweji · 17/05/2019 13:42

I don't see the issue. She has her own bathroom, it shouldn't affect you getting ready in the morning.

Do you need her to go out with you?

I'd just set the time for leaving and if she's not ready, just go.

RosaWaiting · 17/05/2019 16:00

Lweji "I'd just set the time for leaving and if she's not ready, just go."

that's harsh if she needs more time.

Lweji · 17/05/2019 16:22

Surely she knows how long she takes, so she can start getting ready in plenty of time if a departure time is agreed.

mindutopia · 17/05/2019 16:51

Neither my mum or my MIL like to shower at ours. Obviously they will if they stay for a week, but 2-3 days, no. I think it’s because they feel it’s a bother. Actually it’s a bother with you hanging your dirty flannel up with my clean drying clothes or dumping it on furniture and leaving wet spots. I like a shower though and if I was staying 2 nights or more somewhere, I’d definitely bathe.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/05/2019 16:56

Is it that she doesn't want to get her hair wet and doesn't think to use a shower cap? Or doesn't have one?

Is your shower a modern one where it's not at all obvious which knob controls the flow or the temperature?

Does she maybe think it'll save you having to clean it?

Does she just prefer a bath and soap instead of shower gel?

As for the getting out early, it's fairly common as people get older to dislike being rushed. Which I know can be frustrating.

Having said that, my mother was still having showers at over 80 - until dementia made her disinclined to wash at all. .

longwayoff · 17/05/2019 17:01

I think I forgot to mention, everything takes a long time, you slow down.10 years ago I'd be up at 6, showered, hair washed, make up, dressed and 15 minute walk to station for 7am train to London. 3 times a week until 2014. I marvel at this now. I need a minimum 2 hours to loosen up enough to engage with the bathroom. Rarely together enough to leave house before midday.

DrCoconut · 17/05/2019 17:03

My DM is 70 and has showered frequently since the late 70's/early 80's. I was bathed regularly as a child too, she couldn't bear the thought of us being unclean.

Nonnymum · 17/05/2019 17:07

Maybe she doesn't like showers. It can be hard to get the temperature just right especially if she is not used to showers. and too cold or too hot water pouring down on you is not pleasant. Given the choice I will always bathe instead of shower.

continuallychargingmyphone · 17/05/2019 17:11

I’m surprised how many people are getting indignant.

How many 18 year olds strip wash? It is an elderly person ‘thing.’

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 17:15

Not having showers isn’t an elderly person thing, though. Ask the mother of many teenage boys!

Her0utdoors · 17/05/2019 17:15

A vote for not wanting to get her hair wet combined with continence issues. My PIL take a bafflingly long time to get up and about in the morning, which conveniently for them excludes them from useful childcare. I popped over 'early' one morning when they were in their pjs (about 9am) and the smell of urine was really quite bad.

Happynow001 · 17/05/2019 17:16

I had a shower installed for my mother (mid 80's) as she could no longer get in and out of the bathtub.

It has a fold down seat for when she can no longer stand to shower, a full length grab rail, two shower heads - one adjustable- and a long rubber bath mat in the shower tray so she feels secure.

The controls are set for her so all she to do is turn it on and it's at the right temperature every time. I've also placed transfers on the shower screen so she can easily see where the edge of the screen is. She loves it especially when she's feeling cold, tired or her joints are sore. One less thing to worry about.. 😁

MissDollyMix · 17/05/2019 17:20

My in laws are the same. They come and stay with us, usually for about 5 days. They have their own en-suite with a bath and a shower. It’s nice and clean. Straightforward to use. I always provide plenty of clean fluffy towels but they never bath or shower! I don’t know how they manage it because I’d feel awful if I went that long without a wash. They don’t smell though.

Mabelface · 17/05/2019 17:25

I can be funny about strange showers. They have to be "right" for me so if I'm staying somewhere strange and I'm not comfortable, a strip wash it is. I'm 49. I am, however, waiting to be assessed for asd.

VaselineHero · 17/05/2019 17:34

My mum is like this. She doesn't want to get her hair wet or damp (steam from shower?) as it loses its style Cue another hour of rollers in and blow drying!!

Boysey45 · 17/05/2019 17:37

Is it just me who thinks a strip wash is totally grim?

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