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Original poster

MIL never showers at our house

109 replies

Cinnemom · 17/05/2019 11:25

MIL visits and stays with us for 2/3 nights every few weeks. She has her own bathroom here (not brand new or fancy, but nice, clean and with a big nice shower). I leave out lovely shower gel and a big fluffy towel. She never uses it!!

For some reason she has a strip wash, uses a flannel and a hand towel. It takes her forever to get ready!!!

Is it a generational thing? She’s nearly 70 and grew up in a very poor family with a shared outside bathroom. There’s no access issue as it is a walk in shower. I wonder if it is just habit now.

I know she can choose to wash or not wash and there’s no smell. I just wish she’d shower, as the strip wash and getting ready routine takes her 90 minutes!!! Every bloody morning and we want to get up and out the house with the little ones. A shower takes a few minutes. Interested in other people’s thoughts?

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 17/05/2019 12:15

She probably doesn't want go get her hair wet.
A strip wash wont be the reason she's taking 90 minutes. My mum is in her 60s and says she takes much longer to 'warm up' in the morning than she did in her 40s or 50s.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 17/05/2019 12:16

that's a good point - maybe provide a shower cap?

GU24Mum · 17/05/2019 12:18

Is there a bath she could use? My mother has never, to my knowledge, been inside a shower but baths daily!

Boysey45 · 17/05/2019 12:18

It a generation thing, my Mum is 86 and wont have a shower installed, she cant physically get into a bath, so just has strip washes.I think they are degrading personally, we have had no hot water this week and I've had to have cold baths and go to the sports centre as well to use the shower.
I think a lot of elderly people struggle with getting the temperature of showers right. I've been scolded a few times myself.

ineedaknittedhat · 17/05/2019 12:21

When I was caring for elderly people I'd find that most of them hated going in the bath or shower and would find any excuse not to bother. Their relatives used to berate the staff over it, but you can't force someone. It must be a generational thing.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/05/2019 12:21

I think it's a personal thing. My Mum has never had a shower installed (even when she had her hip done) as she finds them 'too wet'.

speakout · 17/05/2019 12:22

I think it may be a generational thing.

I live with my mother and to my knowledge she has never had a shower here. She has a bath once a month or so, but prefers to strip wash.

As children in the 60s we were taught how to do a strip wash, baths ( no shower) were limited to once a week.

I come from a poor background, homes had no heating apart from a fire in one room, and hot water was an expensive luxury.

A strip wash was essential.

I still prefer only to shower 3 or 4 times a week, the other mornings I like to do a strip wash- even my feet get washed.

It is quicker and my skin thanks me for not having a daily soaping.

longwayoff · 17/05/2019 12:23

I am old now and I am slow. I'm not as flexible as I once was, not steady on my feet, and am, literally, losing my grip. Things slip from my hand constantly and I have to have shoes on to ensure I don't fall as I can't feel what's under my bare feet. I'm not ill, just getting older and losing facility. Your beautiful new bathroom, tiled floors and walls, shiny porcelain, gleaming chrome and oh god, a glass shower screen, nothing to grip if I slip in this slippery, watery room, is to me simply an invitation to injure myself in a variety of ways. If I slip in that shower, I will hurt myself. How deep is that bath? Can I lift myself out again if I get in? At home I have grip bars, a chair, etc. If I'm visiting, a strip wash is the limit and it will take about an hour.

FreeButtonBee · 17/05/2019 12:25

My in laws are the same. They use our spare room which has its own en suite with walk in shower. I leave towels and nice products (nothing fancy but decent shampoo, conditioner and shower gel). None of it used (not even the towels! - I hope think they bring their own). I'v egiven up worrying about it TBH. They have a shower at home which they use so it's even more baffling....

MrsExpo · 17/05/2019 12:26

My elderly aunt always used to wash her hands in cold water (even when hot water was in plentiful supply) ... "because we didn't have hot water when I was growing up". No amount of me pointing out that it's OK to use the hot water now it IS available would change her. It's just a habit.

Alsohuman · 17/05/2019 12:27

It’s a personal thing. I hate showers but get in the bath every single morning. If we get a hotel room without a bath I have to grit my teeth and put up with a shower but it spoils my day.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 17/05/2019 12:31

I always brief visitors on the shower and get the boys to leave it on the lowest height setting....my MIL and DM seem to be mortally feared of strange showers and getting water on their faces!

otherwise they do just get on with it. We have a bath, but MIL is very water conscious as she is on a meter.

DH is a bit weird about strange showers....always asks me how they work, as if I am an Oracle on all things bathroom. ..just get in there and turn things on and off, man!

lovelygreenjumper · 17/05/2019 12:34

I agree with PP that it could be to do with getting her hair wet. My MIL has her hair 'done' by her once a week and will go to great pains to avoid getting her hair wet in between. She has had a very nice new bathroom, with shower, installed recently and DH has tried to persuade her that she can use a shower cap/lower the shower head but she says the steam will ruin her hair do. So she also has a strip wash each day even at home, and a bath or shower just before the hair dresser visits.

PerkingFine · 17/05/2019 12:35

old people love strip washes or not washing much at all

Latter part of your sentence is ageist and nasty.

DontCallMeShitley · 17/05/2019 12:36

When my elderly mother came to stay I had handrails and gripper things put in for her in the shower room, ground floor, with bedroom so she didn't have to use the stairs at all.

She chose to wash in the hand basin and struggled upstairs to use the bath after a couple of days. I wonder now if she had ever used a shower in her life as we always had a bath and no shower in the house. I used the hair washing attachment that fitted on the bath taps as I wasn't allowed too much hot water, so had a hose down rather than a strip wash. Hot water and heating was expensive to my parents.

TheFaerieQueene · 17/05/2019 12:38

My DM is 77 and showers everyday. My DF before he became ill and died showered at least once a day if not more. It isn’t generational.

tierraJ · 17/05/2019 12:40

Well my divorced parents are 70 & 71 both shower every morning & wear deodorant even though my mum has painful arthritis & a spinal fracture she still forces herself the get a shower so it can't just be generational.
They are working class English if that matters.

Bohemond · 17/05/2019 12:44

My mother housesat for us for 2 weeks. She did not shower or bath in that entire period. She does not have a shower at home so has never used one and she finds it difficult to get in and out of the bath, particularly ours. I would not be happy with this but she is - none of my business.

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2019 12:48

I hate showers.

Have you a bath she could use?

Innersmellbow · 17/05/2019 12:50

Maybe working out how it works is complicated for her - or sh might not want to get her hair wet but its too tricky adjusting the height.

She might wonder how expensive it is - my mum had this problem and was astonished when I explained it costs about 15p. She still prefers to use her bidet at home though and this is probably about a fear of slipping over - but stubbon as she is she wouldn't actually say this is the reason.

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2019 12:51

It's NOT a 'generational' thing!

It's a personal thing!

oatmilk4breakfast · 17/05/2019 12:52

She might be worried about slipping in the shower or with thinner skin the feel of the shower might not be very pleasant. She might have environmental concerns?

Eliza9919 · 17/05/2019 12:54

@PerkingFine Fri 17-May-19 11:54:43
People used to wash less in general

In the Tudor times maybe!

Nope, probably up to the mid/late 80's from what I can gather of other people's habits.

DuMondeB · 17/05/2019 12:55

My faux mum also takes 90 minutes to ‘get up’ as she calls it. Not sure what she’s doing but it seems to entail habits of a ritualistic scale so I don’t question it. I don’t think anything would make her faster. It’s just how long she takes.

She’s of a similar age.

HollowTalk · 17/05/2019 12:57

What does she do in her own house? Does she shower daily there? Is the shower head lower there?

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