MIL never showers at our house

[Cinnemom]

MIL visits and stays with us for 2/3 nights every few weeks. She has her own bathroom here (not brand new or fancy, but nice, clean and with a big nice shower). I leave out lovely shower gel and a big fluffy towel. She never uses it!!

For some reason she has a strip wash, uses a flannel and a hand towel. It takes her forever to get ready!!!

Is it a generational thing? She’s nearly 70 and grew up in a very poor family with a shared outside bathroom. There’s no access issue as it is a walk in shower. I wonder if it is just habit now.

I know she can choose to wash or not wash and there’s no smell. I just wish she’d shower, as the strip wash and getting ready routine takes her 90 minutes!!! Every bloody morning and we want to get up and out the house with the little ones. A shower takes a few minutes. Interested in other people’s thoughts?

Not if you use a clean flannel and hot, soapy water.

Why is it grim. It’s the same as a shower, just not standing in flowing water.

Some people don't like show

Is she nervous about using the controls and scalding herself or having a freezing shower? Maybe show her/turn it to her liking for her?

Why is it grim

This is being disingenuous when it's so clearly been grim for decades.

My Nan does this

You can’t really rinse the soap off properly with a strip wash, that’s what I find a bit gross.

I think it may be a generational thing

DPs are both in their mid 80s and shower everyday. They have always showered daily for as long as I can remember - we had a proper shower back in the 70s when most people had the pink rubber shower attachment that went on the bath taps.

Of course you can rinse the soap off with a strip wash.

A sink of hot water, a bar of soap and a clean flannel.

Start at the top, wash and soap with hands, rinse, using the flannel, and dry as you go, Dump towel and flannel in laundry basket.

Is there a hand rail in the shower for her to hold on to?

Yes, but the sink is filling up with soapy water as you rinse the flannel.

continuallychargingmyphone

Yes, maybe much like a bath then.

Can't say that concerns me. I don't smell, I have healthy skin, I haven't become seriously ill from the practice.

I am also one of those strange people that don't have a shower after a bath.

Threads about strip washing always make me want to get in the bath or shower and have a really good scrub. I truly didn't know this was a thing until I read it on MN. FWIW both my parents shower or bath daily.

DH aunt didn’t shower when she stayed with us for a week. She was afraid of slipping.
She also only had a lady wash at home, even though she had a wet room, for the exact same reason. She hadn’t had a shower for years by the time she actually went into a home.
HOWEVER, having recently had a fairly major op I did think about her as I stepped into our shower at home for the first time because I was terrified of slipping and doing myself unmentionable damage. I wouldn’t have given it a thought normally but I finally understood how scared she must feel whilst in my fragile state.

A lot of pearl clutching going on here about strip washes.

I rinse the soap off after a bath.

Plus in the sink is a much smaller area.

I rinse the soap off after a bath.

I figured.

I'd reckon it's her not wanting to get her hair wet as previous posters have said. It's probably a bit of a faff when she's not at home.

Some of you need to check the ageism you have going on. We're talking about people who grew up in the swinging sixties and seventies here not the turn of the 1800's!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the ageism on this thread.

But for what it's worth, my guess is that it's not that the MIL doesn't like being clean, or is trying to avoid childcare 🙄, or loves to leave wet patches on the furniture with her face cloth 😬.

It's far more likely that there is something about the bathroom / bedroom / shower arrangement that doesn't work for her.

I'm only in my 50s and reasonably fit, but I hate showering at my daughter's house. I do shower, because I'm not a dirty person, but I hate it. The shower tray is incredibly slippy and they 'don't believe' in rubber mats, the water pressure is pathetic, so it's hard to wash soap off, and almost impossible to get shampoo out of my hair, and the bathroom floor is cold slippery tiles.

Maybe all those things are fine when you are 20 something (though surely they've noticed the terrible water pressure?) but they are not when you are just a bit older. The bathroom in question is only used by guests - they always seem puzzled that guests don't use it much!

I have mentioned the water pressure but they just say it seems fine to them.

So if I stay only one night, I don't shower. If I stay longer, I shower but try to avoid washing my hair. I expect they are muttering about how dirty the older generation are, but actually I'm just longing to get home to my proper shower so I can luxuriate a bit!

Well I think its not very nice that a flannel is used for washing a person all over. Do people who strip wash use a different one for their face? Your not telling me someone washes their bottom then their face with the same flannel?

Boysey45

Same flannel.
Strict order of body parts. Face first, work down.
Flannel immediately put in laundry basket.

Ultimately will be the same flannel, but after being washed.

You don't wash your face with the flannel last.

You think that's bad?!

I've been staying with my Nan for a while due to my house purchase falling through.
I've been here for 10 weeks.

She hasn't had a bath or shower in 10 weeks.

I don't know if she has a strip wash or not. She wears the same clothes daily and doesn't use perfume nor deodorant.
She also wears the same lounge bottoms everyday - sleeps in them, wears them around the house and only changes them when she goes to the shops.
They've also not been washed since I got here.

I don't think 2/3 days would concern me, 10 weeks does!

I think it's largely a generational attitude with some exceptions. My parents either bathe or shower every single day and if the weather is especially hot, like last summer, they will have a quick freshen-up in the shower at bedtime. Not surprisingly, I am just the same and will drag myself into the shower come Hell or high water. Our children always had a splash in the bath before bedtime and now they're teenagers they shower every day.

But my in-laws have a very different mind set and grew up viewing hot water & baths as an indulgent luxury. They have a beautiful bathroom but I think it's only used on an irregular basis, every couple of weeks. I know MIL still chooses to wash her hair in their kitchen sink which baffles me. Her husband sometimes has a stripwash but certainly not every day. They are both good people but there's no denying they aren't exactly fresh smelling.

SmellNO she hasn’t had a bath or shower in 10 weeks that you know of I’m assuming you have been out of the house for at least 20 mins in that time - regardless of how you know the bathroom looks/ smelt before it’s still possible it has been used. BUT...
You say you don’t know if she strip washes or not- if it was the or not I, guessing you would know. I see lots of old people in my line of work and believe me, there is an ingrained smell that cannot be disguised by a quick spray of perfume. So, if you don’t know, then you can assume proper washing is going on because If it wasn’t you WOULD know because the smell is unmistakable after 3/4 weeks of improper washing.

Perking don't read it then. Simples