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Original poster

Update on DS who was abused by a "friend" - TRIGGER WARNING

54 replies

MyNewNameForNow · 16/05/2019 18:54

I posted a couple of weeks ago about DS (early teen) who disclosed sexual abuse. I had promised I wouldn't tell the police when he said "if I tell you sth do you promise...".

Due to the strength of feeling on my post (which I subsequently asked to be removed) i did pursue things, very gently. I won't go into detail but the boy is already known to the police/child services and DS is giving a video interview next week.

I've handled it very carefully with DS and we've talked a lot about how I was wrong to make a promise I potentially couldn't keep. I should have known better given I was a victim of abuse for many years. I didn't tell anyone until I was in my 40s, some 30 years later.

I'm so proud of him.

Thank you all for telling me what I needed and wanted to hear.

OP posts:
howwudufeel · 16/05/2019 18:57

I am so sorry this is happening and I wish you love and best wishes.

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 16/05/2019 19:22

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 16/05/2019 22:15

Bump. In case any of the original posters missed this earlier.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 16/05/2019 22:17

I never saw your previous thread but wanted to wish you and your ds all the best Flowers

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 17/05/2019 02:25

Well done and my very best congratulations to you and your son. I hope this heals him quickly. Flowers

OkPedro · 17/05/2019 02:29

mynewnamefornow
You sound like an amazing mother, your ds is lucky to have you. I’m sorry for what he has been through. I’ve been there myself 💔
As have you x

Hidingtonothing · 17/05/2019 03:56

It's not hard to see where he gets his bravery from, you've been strong and calm and honest for him when he needed you and that can't have been easy alongside dealing with your own feelings. I'm so sorry this happened to him and I hope things go as smoothly as possible with the police. I'll be thinking of you both Flowers

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 17/05/2019 07:05

Thank you for your kind words.

OP posts:
DaisyDreaming · 17/05/2019 07:14

I had wondered how you and your son were. Sounds like your handled it really well, as has your son

ajandjjmum · 17/05/2019 07:24

Didn't see the original post, but hats off to you for supporting your son so effectively. I hope that the situation becomes easier for you both, as time progresses.

MushroomTree · 17/05/2019 07:42

I didn't see your original post but I wanted to say well done to you and your son for being so brave.

This may be of interest to ypu: learning.nspcc.org.uk/services-children-families/letting-the-future-in/

There is also a charity called MOSAC which supports parents of children who have experienced sexual abuse that you may want to get in touch with.

Good luck to you both. I wish you all the best.

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 17/05/2019 07:48

Thank you for those links Mushroom. I'll take a look.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 21/05/2019 09:02

DS will be doing his video interview later today.

I can't help but think about the other mother, who will get a knock at the door, and her and her son will be taken off to the police station, and she will have to listen to what he did. I hope she is okay. I don't know her. But they do live 2 roads away.

OP posts:
PollyShelby · 21/05/2019 09:10

Well done to you both Thanks

Summerorjustmaybe · 21/05/2019 09:15

Ime dc are extremely resilient when they have family support.
You have showed what an outstanding dm you are.

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 21/05/2019 18:39

Thank you. He did it. So proud of him.

OP posts:
howwudufeel · 21/05/2019 18:55

You are right to be proud of your DS. What an amazing young man.

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 21/05/2019 22:06

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 23/05/2019 09:13

Does anyone know what it would take for this boy to have to leave the school? DS is not at school at the moment. I had to pick him up yesterday lunchtime because he was in a lesson with this boy and other kids were saying how weird he is and it really upset DS. I'm wondering if they charge the boy (unlikely due to lack of evidence etc.) would he be removed from school? If they don't charge him what happens? Could we take out an injunction it sth? I don't know how my DS is supposed to be in the same place as this boy who has abused him for the next 2 and a bit years. If it were a workplace it wouldn't be allowed.

OP posts:
howwudufeel · 23/05/2019 09:21

Have you spoken to the school and the Police about this?

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 23/05/2019 09:26

I have spoken to the school (the safeguarding deputy). The policewoman and detective have been on days off yesterday and today. So they are picking the boy up and taking him to the police station. The school are just waiting to hear from the police that a crime has been committed etc because as yet they only have our word although they absolutely believe DS and have been involved in the meetings with the police.

OP posts:
howwudufeel · 23/05/2019 09:29

Perhaps speak to your LEA Safeguarding Officer and ask their advice too?

Original poster
MyNewNameForNow · 23/05/2019 09:44

That's a good idea. I'm going to properly look into those links posted up thread too. I foolishly thought that the video interview would bring him some closure. I think though that this is just the beginning. And I have serious concerns over who this boys is befriending next and how unsuspecting the parents will be.

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 23/05/2019 09:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PlinkPlink · 23/05/2019 10:23

Bless you, love Flowers you sound like a wonderful Mum.

Unless you've had some sort of training regarding disclosures, alot of people aren't aware that you can't promise those things.
You sound like you managed it wonderfully OP. What a brave son you have.

Make sure he gets in touch with your local rape and sexual assault clinic - the police should offer to put you in touch with these. They will offer specialised counselling that really does help.

Lots of support and love will go an enormous way to help him - something which already shines through your posts. There's a long road ahead but it will so much comfort to him to know that you are there, listening and loving.