My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

The age of the minor involved is absolutely relevant. What kind of life has she had that she's servicing dirty old men down alleyways before she can vote? Any decent man would be horrified, not happy to take advantage.

[Swimsuitbod]

Poor you OP. Sending you positive vibes. Please please ignore the ridiculous troll poster and focus on the main issue and the advice all the supportive posters have given.

What he's done is terrible and you must be in shock. Please don't give him your flat/ you need this as your safety net, so get it re-let and earning YOU income. Please please keep trying to ring him mum so that you get to speak to her first. If he gets on there first with his sob story it could change her perspective, even if you have a close relationship, just because he's her son. So please stay strong and tell her everything ASAP and that he will be coming to stay tonight.

Then give him today to pack his bags and leave.

Get your money sorted out, separate accounts etc and book an appointment with a solicitor and do a mail order STI check if you can't bear to see your ex-colleague (although I'm sure it would be fine).

You will need to be strong and not be de-railed by your (D)H and his excuses. I agree it sounds as if he could have been unfaithful previously as it was all so quick and seemingly out of character.

Once he is gone, and your DD is better then you can take the time to crumble and allow yourself to grieve. You need at least one friend to confide in, even if they don't live locally. Please do that. You are so strong and you can do this. He is not worthy of your love or partnership.

[churchthecat]

Automatic divorce situation for me.

He's a disgusting piece of shit and I could never forgive him.

[Amibeingnaive]

Whatever the proper 'term' is, a married father of two who uses a young girl as a temporary receptacle in a back alley is a man who has no respect for women, be they his wife, or his paramour for the evening.

As gutted as I am for you OP, I'm so glad you know you're worth more than this lowlife, and that your babies are too.

[DoxxedFox]

I’m also wondering why you’re sexualising the breastfeeding relationship between a mother and a child. The issue there lies with you.

[AryaStarkWolf]

I'd be raging that he's awake, knows that he's told you but isn't rushing out to speak to you/grovel. So sorry this is happening to you OP.

[Swimsuitbod]

@LunafortJest seems to be advocating statutory rape of minors and totally derailing the thread which is about the OP. I hope @MNHQ remove them from the thread. But I hope the thread can stay open to support the OP on the issue that matters here.

[DoctorDread]

And once more for the hard of understanding: Luna! IT'sNOT ABOUT YOU!!!

[kateandme]

oh god so he was saying all the i love you stuff after the act.waht scum.oh op big hugs.the ltb comment sometimes make me a bit wary but o nthis front i really want you to leave the bastard!becasue im so angry for you and at him.i want so much better for you.and want him to be left with nothing

[WMPAGL]

OP I'm so sorry, I feel absolutely sick for you.

I think you've had all the good, practical advice on this thread already (1. get an STI check; 2. Get him out if you possibly can; 3. do not offer him your flat (not only do you say you need the income but you may have little control over getting him out of it again); 4. Tell his mum).

I just wanted to add my voice to saying I would feel the same as you and I wouldn't trust a single thing he says about this being the first time, not having full sex with her (honestly, who cares?) or her being 17 (how would he know?).

To my mind, he has already shown such contempt for you and your marriage by the actions he has admitted to that there's no reason in the world to think he'd draw the line at lying to you about the extent of what he's done.

Can anybody look after the DCs for a while while you have a good talk and a cry with someone close to you? Please remember, as others have said, that this is NOT your shameful secret to bear and reflects on him, not you. Gather all the caring support you can from the people who love you.

I'll be thinking of you.

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

Op you are brilliant and will be more than okay without him. Your wit and strength of character shine through. He is not worthy of you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Send him to his parents, get new tenants in the flat. Begin your new life.

The main problem here is that once he has done this, if you forgive him then you are essentially agreeing that it’s not that big a deal and giving him licence to do it again. It’s a horrible catch 22: If you don’t forgive him he could learn the lesson that it’s wrong; if you do, then he doesn’t need to learn it.

I hope you can get him out of the house soon. You have enough to deal with with ill dc

[kateandme]

Swimsuitbod agreed this thread deserve to be open for the op.

[Amibeingnaive]

Arya I'm disappointed for OP that he isn't at least trying to show some remorse, but not terribly surprised.

This is a man who FaceTimed his wife - who had been dealing with a sick child whilst he was out on the town -to brag about receiving the attentions of a teenager, after he allowed that teenager to perform a sex act on him.

Philanthropist of the Year, he is not.

[SleepingIsOverrated]

Op, I've just read the full thread and just wanted to say your strength is absolutely evident. You'll get through this, and I'm so sorry he's done this to you. In the long run you're much better off knowing the type of man he is.
I hope the D&V stops soon too! Xx

[Miniloso]

Throw him out. Do not let him stay in your flat!! Let him go to his parents. Fucking epic twat.

[feelingsinister]

@LunafortJest surely you can see the difference between two people with a big age gap meeting and falling in love and a pissed nearly 40 y/o getting blown by a 17 year old in an alley?

The OP is understandably upset and angry so can you cut her a bit of slack? She wasn't attacking your relationship, you made that leap.
You also attacked her for breastfeeding which is absolutely none of your business.

Leave the thread alone if you can't even attempt to be kind.

@WifeOfCheater I'm so sorry, it must be a horrible shock. I think he's had enough of a lie in now and should probably get the fuck out and go to his mothers!

[Namechange8471]

I'm so sorry op, be strong you got this!

My "d"p also cheated on me with a 17 year old (he was 29). I found them in a caravan together. He got her pregnant...

Fast forward 8 years, I have met the love of my life, we are buying a house and having a baby together.

It was hard at first, I was mortified telling people why we split. But they were understanding and his mam was/is amazing with dd!

Please lean on friends and family, and kick this fuck wit out!

[ittakes2]

I'm sorry for you OP. There are so many women thinking of you today who are with you in mind and heart if not in body. Our thoughts are with you - willing you to have the courage you need to stay strong. You are not alone.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Amibeingnaive It did sound like it was a bit of brag the way she described how he told her, didn't it? Vile and creep as fuck.

[ittakes2]

PS please ignore all the insensitive posters who are nit picking the words of a distressed mother in shock. The rest of us understand where you are coming from,

[Josiebloggs]

I hope this poor child wasn't drunk too. Its bad enough he took advantage of a very very young woman.
You're handling it very well OP considering you obviously feel revulsion towards him.

[shiveringtimber]

My DD's 18. The idea of some 30+ year old (married, with children too!) man having sexual contact with her makes me sick with disgust and rage.

I'm so sorry, OP. Sorry for the whole disgusting mess that idiot has made, the pain and distress he's caused. As everyone else has said, get him out of your home as soon as possible. He needs psychiatric treatment but that's certainly not your problem! etc to you.

[aibuhelp]

So sorry to hear you're going through this! Must be absolutely awful, your head and heart must be all over the place! From your comments I wonder if you're already having second thoughts on kicking him out? You don't owe this man anything right now, you shouldn't be worrying about him getting tested for STI's. He's done this to himself and needs to realise now that what he's done is unforgivable. If this were me I'd of not even let him sleep in the spare room he would of been sleeping on the door mat outside.. The fact he doesn't see anything wrong with this is worrying because he sounds so casual about it like he's done this before and if he doesn't see it as cheating then he will do it again when the chance is there. You sound like a good person and you don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone! Someone who truly loves you wouldn't dream of cheating. Just like you didn't when you was on holiday and could of had the chance. The difference is that he made that choice to allow that to happen and that's not okay in any circumstance! You need to stay strong and tell him exactly how he's made you feel. He doesn't deserve any second chances and you need to make that very clear to him!!

[ColchesterElderly]

Very sorry your thread has been detailed.
It sadly sounds like he did make with her than he admitted to you.
Agree with telling his parents bluntly what he did and why he is moving out today. It is not for you to keep his secret to make things worse for you, there is no shame on you.
Go and pack his stuff for him to move out today.

[milksoffagain]

Not sure I believe the details of her age (so convenient she's so nearly an adult?) or exactly what happened - I also think he's minimising I'm afraid...

But I would add that at the moment you are in a state of extreme shock and will be for some time. Make sure that you get exactly what YOU want so that you and your children's interests are foremost. But I would bear in mind that exactly what that is might change as time goes on and the full picture of what he's actually been up to becomes clearer, assuming you ever again trust him enough to believe him. Perhaps this is what some other posters have been trying to say?

So sorry you are going through this. x