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Original poster

Man who's been with 35 women.. red flag?

132 replies

Loka123 · 11/05/2019 21:35

Man who's been with 35 women by the age of 33. Red flag? He has also been in a 5 year relationship with one person apparently in the near history...

Is this person a bit of a red flag for a serious relationship? (just based on this info?) Any examples of such man who have been "tamed" as it were?

OP posts:
Kinsters · 13/05/2019 03:11

Yes I'm surprised too Kneel, not judging people who have lots of partners (to each their own). But I didn't realise such high numbers were so common!

DH has never told me how many women he's slept with and at this point I'm not that interested in knowing (I did ask him in the begining of our relationship but respected his decision not to tell me).

SimplySteveRedux · 13/05/2019 03:48

My best friend slept with 50+ in a fortnight in Ibiza at 18.

have dated someone in the past who had some pretty conservative ideas about how many people it was OK to have sex with and decided to try and 'overlook it' in me

You almost described me. I had a disturbing childhood. My parents, as part of their campaign of abuse drilled into me that I should only ever have one partner ever, and once that relationship blossoms it's for life. My father, uncle, brother are all massive bigots and complicit in their misogyny, racism, and other trends.

I've been in a ltr for over 20 years, my DP blurted once when pissed her partner count. Given my brainwashing it was extremely hard for me, yet we're still cracking along.

My best friend? Settled down a decade ago and has two young children.

StarlightLady · 13/05/2019 06:21

It would not bother me. I’m older (female) and have had (and enjoyed) sex with more than 35 people, I’m sure. But l have never been one to keep a scoreboard.

Sn0tnose · 13/05/2019 07:11

Definite red flag here. If I knew that a potential partner had posted on a Internet forum asking for anecdotes on whether someone with a similar number to me could be ‘tamed’, I’d be running for the hills.

...despite him seeming ashamed his number was seemingly high. Was it shame? Or was it him realising that you were judging him? He has nothing to be ashamed about.

RunSweatLaughAndLatte · 13/05/2019 07:39

What’s more interesting is that you know how many he has slept with. DP and I have never discussed this.

ShatnersWig · 13/05/2019 07:56

My best friend slept with 50+ in a fortnight in Ibiza at 18

So around 4 per day. Blimey.

Rabbitmug · 13/05/2019 08:03

50+ in a fortnight! omg Shock

Unburnished · 13/05/2019 10:46

The thing is, these days, its really easy to rack up the numbers due to the nature of dating. A couple of my ex boyfriends had slept with over a hundred women by that age. It wouldn't bother me.

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 10:52

I'm glad my DP has never asked me this question. Mine is probably in the 40s, I lost my virginity young and enjoyed casual sex. I don't see what relevance it has to any new relationships. I don't get why it would put someone off a partner- but maybe some people think of sex as some sort of important even whereas I see it as just an act that people who like each other do for fun.

Sidge · 13/05/2019 11:34

Why would you even ask?

It’s not about the numbers for me, it’s about the attitude. If a man is respectful, caring, considerate, non judgmental and kind I don’t care if he’s slept with 1 person or 100. I expect fidelity in a relationship but if single, sleep with who you like. As long as you’re both single consenting adults who cares?

Sex is sex. We need to stop putting some sort of numerical value assessment on it. Oh it’s ok if he’d slept with 30 people but 31 is just too much... bollocks to that. And any man that judges me for the amount of sexual partners I’ve had can fuck off.

amusedbush · 13/05/2019 12:38

I'd slept with 30 people by the time I was 22, even with a monogamous three year relationship (aged 17 - 20).

I can assure you I've never even looked at another man in the 7 years since being with DH; it's perfectly possible to be monogamous if you've slept with a lot of people.

Catchingbentcoppers · 13/05/2019 12:55

I don't know really. I have no idea how many people any of my friends or ex's have slept with because I've never asked. If it bothers you it bothers you, only you know if he's worth holding on to. I'm not sure is the best reason not to though.

QforCucumber · 13/05/2019 13:05

DH and I have been together 8 years and never asked each other directly, I know of people he has slept with and vice-versa. Neither of us have ever cared to be honest, We met when we were 24 and 25, I have slept with over 30 people but god knows actually how many. I know his is probably similar based on how well he knows his way around. Neither of us have cheated on the other. They are different lifetimes.

formerbabe · 13/05/2019 13:11

it's perfectly possible to be monogamous if you've slept with a lot of people

You could argue it's easier as you've had your fun and got your wilder days behind you.

EmrysAtticus · 13/05/2019 16:39

I wouldn't consider it a red flag from an ability to be monogamous front. However there is nothing wrong with it being an issue for you. I had one partner before DH and he had the same. I wouldn't have wanted to marry anyone who had had more than a couple but that's my personal preference, I don't judge those who are different to me.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/05/2019 16:41

Is t the old saying that when a man tells you how many sexual partners he’s had you divide it be 3, and with a woman you times the number by 3 Grin

TheWeeMacGregors · 13/05/2019 17:02

Yep just to add to the ‘it’s normal’ chorus. I have no idea about mine, but would wager more than 35. Stopped at 32 when I met ‘the one’, would never in a million years even think about cheating.

MaximusHeadroom · 13/05/2019 17:06

Thanks everyone so far - I know gender shouldn't matter, but would great if anyone knows of any men who have slept with 35 or more women and gone on to have a monogamous, long-term marriage/relationship

DH. Never got an exact number as he didn't keep count but in that region. Me too.

Together 15 years, married for 11 and 3 DCs.

I don't think it means anything one way or the other.

MrsDilligaf · 13/05/2019 17:24

To be honest I'm not sure how many sexual partners I've had. (my memory isn't what it was...) I doubt it was 35, probably half that, but in fairness it's irrelevant now. I've been with DH for 8 years, so those partners are consigned to history.

I don't recall DH and I ever discussing how many partners we'd had - but I can say with absolute certainty we're not interested in each others sexual history.

formerbabe · 13/05/2019 17:53

I wouldn't have wanted to marry anyone who had had more than a couple but that's my personal preference

Yes we are all different. Personally, I would be put off a man who had only slept with two women before me...there nothing wrong in it but it wouldn't be for me.

aprilshowers12 · 13/05/2019 18:31

I honestly thought it was only teenagers that kept a tally. I think it's a very rude and intrusive question to ask someone. I'd consider asking to be a red flag tbh and can honestly say not one bloke has ever asked me how many sexual partners I've had.
As for the number, it's neither here nor there, you don't know if he's being honest and anyway, would you feel different if he'd slept with 350 or 3 women before you? I'm in my 50's, was married for 20 years and couldn't count how many I've slept with, I really couldn't remember unless I'd made a note of names and dates. Did he do this do you think? It's quite a precise number

IndigoSpritz · 13/05/2019 19:27

Someone is obviously getting my share. It's an uncomfortable feeling reading about all these people with multiple sexual conquests and here am I, 32 years 'legal', and I haven't even started. Still, ne'er mind, eh ?

Bodear · 14/05/2019 05:24

Indigo if you want to change that you can. Your posts indicate that you’re not happy about the situation and would like a relationship? Please don’t write off that aspect of your life, you’re much too young!

SimonJT · 14/05/2019 06:03

@IndigoSpritz

You’re only in your early 30’s, there’s plenty time yet, I waited until I was 27.

StarlightLady · 14/05/2019 06:38

Have pisted on this thread previously, so forgive afterthoughts

Me? Female, 40s, must have had sex with over 35 people, discreet and happy in life. This world will be a better place when people understand that quality sex is a good thing, not a taboo thing. Sex is not something someone gives to someone. It is about shared passion.

As for numbers, if you required surgery, would you rather have an experienced surgeon or one that had limited prior experience?