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Original poster

Man who's been with 35 women.. red flag?

132 replies

Loka123 · 11/05/2019 21:35

Man who's been with 35 women by the age of 33. Red flag? He has also been in a 5 year relationship with one person apparently in the near history...

Is this person a bit of a red flag for a serious relationship? (just based on this info?) Any examples of such man who have been "tamed" as it were?

OP posts:
JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 11/05/2019 22:12

Oh and we got married when he was 31. Just to add in the age factor

Rabbitmug · 11/05/2019 22:14

Loads too many for me must say

twirlypoo · 11/05/2019 22:15

I know most my married male - and female - friends who I have known a long time have slept with that many people and now have successful happy marriages. It’s really not newsworthy, you can’t judge how faithful / good a partner a man is going to be by his (relatively average) number of partners.

RogueV · 11/05/2019 22:17

I don’t think it is a lot at all!
I had slept with around 15 before I got married at 25.

coffeegrounds · 11/05/2019 22:20

Wouldn't bother me. It's what happens from now on that matters, not what went before.

hinely · 11/05/2019 22:22

At least he's honest.

Tiredtessy · 11/05/2019 22:23

I very much doubt it’s 35, mine is around that, don’t really know exact figure and would never admit that number I don’t think and had a serious relationship for 8 years, it’s no red flag, he’s had fun and as long as he was careful who cares, women enjoy casual sex to and ONS, forget it!

LolaSmiles · 11/05/2019 22:24

I dont think it's particularly high or low in itself.
It could be a few years of freedom when younger or it could be serially relationship hopping. The former wouldn't bother me as a reason for a higher number, but the latter would concern me as a prospective partner (mainly because some men seem to be the type of have lots of monogamous relationships that get serious, end, find a new partner, get serious, engaged multiple times etc).

twattymctwatterson · 11/05/2019 22:44

Op I think you'd be surprised at what is a normal number of sexual partners for an average man in his 30s. I'm 38 and my number is higher but my number is still lower than most men I know. Men who have all now settled down.

twattymctwatterson · 11/05/2019 22:46

Btw what I'd consider a red flag in a relationship is someone who wanted to know what my number was and then placed significance on it

DrFoxtrot · 12/05/2019 00:07

^ agree with twatty

You seem to be making it into a bigger thing than it is, why did you want to know a number?

AC12vsOCG · 12/05/2019 00:13

I think that would be too high for me, I'm not quite sure why though. But I'd find it really off putting

notangelinajolie · 12/05/2019 00:21

It's not the number which unlike most posters I think this is high it's the fact that he has kept a count. Does he have a tally chart? Red flag for me.

Original poster
Loka123 · 12/05/2019 00:30

@notangelinajolie he did say "roughly" so it may be that he wasn't keeping exact count (or maybe he does but said the word "roughly" just to make it seem like he doesn't)

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 12/05/2019 00:33

I think keeping tabs is odd, and it would be a red flag to me that it matters to you so much.

If he started in late teens that’s only a couple a year. Less than that would be a drought surely? Sex is a normal part of life.
.
If you’re judging him I would steer clear. It will just cause resentment and power games later on.

Can I ask why you asked him? I ve never asked this, or been asked.

Bumpdebump · 12/05/2019 00:37

Why on earth would you ask? Bad bad idea. And quite rude. He was good enough to answer your unnecessary question and now you're judging him for it. Stop being insecure - he hasn't been waiting for you for 15 years...

Spudina · 12/05/2019 00:37

My husband had slept with about 50 women before we met. In fact, my brother really didn't want us to get together for this reason. But 20 years on, he has been totally monogamous and an amazing father and husband.

MillicentMartha · 12/05/2019 00:42

No, I don’t know any, because they’d have to be a partner to ask that sort of question.

Anyway, I had shagged 10 people by the time I was 23. Then only 1 for the next 23 years, and none for the past 8!

Bumpdebump · 12/05/2019 00:43

Just to add this is an incredibly immature thing to ask I think. I'd see it as a red flag if someone asked this of me. Worry less about his healthy interest in sex and your unhealthy curiosity about what he was doing consensually with other women before you!

Zucker · 12/05/2019 09:44

I'd be more concerned about why you asked him to be honest!

Do you have a magic number in your head for prospective partners? Why does a number (he may have made up anyway) matter?

NataliaOsipova · 12/05/2019 10:00

I’d look at it the other way round, to be honest. He’s an experienced man; he presumably knows what he finds attractive in a woman and what he wants from a relationship. If he settles down with you, that’s because he likes you and he wants to.....not because he’s settled for you as he’s worried he’ll never find anyone else to sleep with. If I were to make sweeping generalisations, I’d be more worried about someone who’d only had a couple of partners as they’d be more likely to be swept away by the thrill of something new and better coming along?

maddiemookins16mum · 12/05/2019 10:02

Way too high for me too (call me old fashioned).

formerbabe · 12/05/2019 10:05

It's not that many for a guy in his thirties.

MonkeyfaceThereturn · 12/05/2019 10:06

Dh has shagged well into 3 figures. Why is it relevant? He used to go on football tours when he was late teens/early 20s. Been married 12 years and it's all behind us.

I'm just jealous that I didn't get chance to mess around too!

Cherylshaw · 12/05/2019 10:06

It works out like 3 women a year! ( If he started having sex at 18 😆) take into account the 5 year relationship it's like maybe 5 or 6 different women a year! Do you really think that is alot?
It would definitely not be a red flag to me.
(I'm shit at maths )

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