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Original poster

Man who's been with 35 women.. red flag?

132 replies

Loka123 · 11/05/2019 21:35

Man who's been with 35 women by the age of 33. Red flag? He has also been in a 5 year relationship with one person apparently in the near history...

Is this person a bit of a red flag for a serious relationship? (just based on this info?) Any examples of such man who have been "tamed" as it were?

OP posts:
Dillydallyingthrough · 12/05/2019 10:06

That's not high at all, my friends (similar age) would have all had higher numbers based on short term relationship and the holidays we've been on, they are all in long term relationships and married with no cheating (as far I'm aware).

Tbh I think you asking him, is more of the red flag- if my DP asked me I would ask why he wanted to know and what business was it of his what I had done before I met him.

MirriVan · 12/05/2019 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonTrainer3 · 12/05/2019 10:13

Not that high - I used to be in a house share with a guy who worked in a bar and brought back a different girl every week. He was actually really lovely - as a friend - which is probably why they all went for him, but way too immature for a relationship (we were all in our early twenties). He probably slept with that many women in a year.

He finally met the woman of his dreams - not the person anyone would have thought, we were all surprised. Settled down with her and a couple of years later they were married and with kids on the way. Haven't seen him since, but through friends I've heard they are apparently still going strong and he's loving being a Dad.

stucknoue · 12/05/2019 10:16

No, but only having one longer relationship could be more a red flag. In a year of dating 6+ partners isn't exactly prolific and this is far less

Maybe83 · 12/05/2019 10:22

That isnt high.

Dh and I have both slept with more people than that are in 30s/40s and together not far of 10 years.

Why did you ask?

BogglesGoggles · 12/05/2019 10:24

Thats really not much. Let’s assume he’s been sexually active for 15 years. That’s only 2-3 per year.

dangerrabbit · 12/05/2019 10:30

Why would you want to know?

reetgood · 12/05/2019 10:31

Why are you asking? It really doesn’t mean anything in your thirties. I stopped counting a while back, my number is probably in that region but I’ve been in a monogamous relationship since my late twenties. I had a happily promiscuous phase in my early to mind twenties. It means very little.

I’d be more interested if he’d never had a long term relationship by his thirties, or had a history of ‘crazy’ (according to him) exes...

x2boys · 12/05/2019 10:45

At 33 I would expect someone to have a bit of a past I met dh when I was 31 and he was 29, I don't know how many people he slept with before me but I expect it's a fair few,I slept with 20+can't remember exactly how many ,the main thing is how peop!e are in the relationship not their past

AnyFucker · 12/05/2019 10:48

Actually, I judge you more for asking

x2boys · 12/05/2019 10:54

Why is only having one longer relationship potentially a red flag stuck?five years ( if we assume he was mongamous) proves he can have a successful relationship, fwiw I had a relationship that lasted about 18 months between the ages of 17 and 19, nothing more than flings and ONS,s until I was 27 and had a six month relationship, and than another on off thing for about a year at 28, than I met at th at 31_and we have been together 14 years now .

MashedSpud · 12/05/2019 10:58

Too many for me but it's up to you.

daphine2004 · 12/05/2019 11:39

My partner has a lot more than me, in the 50’s at the point we met (me 29 and him 38). I had a lot more long term relationships than him and his was a mixture. The only thing that bothered me was I wish I’d had a bit more single time to get my numbers up! Lol.

handslikecowstits · 12/05/2019 11:41

It would bother me because it would tell me that he didn't feel the same way about sex as I do. It would tell me that he thought sex was nothing more than a nice way of passing the time whereas for me, it's much more than that. I have had relationships with men who have this attitude and the level of sexual intensity has been lacking. Thankfully, I married a man who felt the same way that I did.

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/05/2019 12:17

Haven’t asked my boyfriend of 2 years how many and he’s never asked me. For me it’s how he treats me and being faithful. Don’t matter how many came before me. Just so long as there’s none whilst we are together.

forestafantastica · 12/05/2019 12:20

It's a very personal choice and only you can say if that's too many but I don't think it's that high. I think my total is similar and I've been in a monogamous relationship for 15 years now. I just was a bit of a wild child and had a fair few adventures in my late teens and early twenties. It doesn't mean I'm not capable of a relationship.

Also not sure why the 5 year relationship would be a red flag.

forestafantastica · 12/05/2019 12:25

Oh, and since the OP was asking about men, my DH has slept with loads more (I think he probably hit the thirties before he turned 20!) and has been wonderful for as long as we've been together. He was young and screwed around once, now he's super respectable and settled.

I really don't think it's that uncommon to enjoy sex when single but be perfectly happy to be monogamous once you meet the right person.

Original poster
Loka123 · 12/05/2019 19:56

Thanks everyone - I feel better with the perspectives given. Just hadn't ever met anyone who had said such a high figure but I'm hardly well travelled lol.. to those asking why I asked - no idea to be honest, just curiosity I guess..

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 12/05/2019 19:57

Not at all imo when I met dh he was 22 and had slept with a lot of people. We’ve been together 20 years now!

EvilMorty · 12/05/2019 19:59

I had an ex who probably had way more than that, he was a really lovely guy and is now happily married. I don’t think it means anything at all.

Kel801 · 12/05/2019 20:00

I don’t know about men but I slept with a fair few more than that from aged 16-25 and have now been in a monogamous relationship for 12 yrs x

IndigoSpritz · 12/05/2019 20:02

I wish I'd had 35 women.

Ginger1982 · 12/05/2019 20:04

I'm old fashioned as I think that is a lot for a man or a woman. But that's just me! Clearly I'm in the minority.

SimonJT · 12/05/2019 20:04

The number of people you’ve been with has absolutely no effect on whether or not someone will be faithful. And I say that as someone who has had a partner with a number that would be fairly far into triple digits, who never cheated on a partner, and me who with a single figure who did cheat on one.

Nesssie · 12/05/2019 20:06

I dated a guy who had slept with over 100 women. I have to admit it did bother me, I went between thinking ‘all those women and he chose me’ Smile and ‘there’s no way I am prettier/better in bed than most of them’ Sad
And I’m a pretty confident person so it shocked me that I was bothered. We dated for a while and he never cheated so the number obviously didn’t mean anything commitment wise.