Was I expecting too much from DP?

[Cottagepienpeas]

Apologies in advance if I come across as rambling, my brain is fogged over and I'm very overwhelmed with emotion.

Ds 18months has been in hospital for a week with Sepsis. It was very very serious at one point and touch and go. Thankfully, our beautiful is home and on the mend, we are very lucky!

My post is about DP. Yes he was there everyday and given hugs to DS but he was pretty vacant. I know it was tough for him too but he didn't seem to be bothered or think about how I might be feeling. He lay on the hospital bed watching sports falling asleep whilst I'm keeping Ds room tidy, sorting clothes etc. Not once did he bring me a flask of coffee or some snacks to keep me going or even offer. I was running on empty, 10 hours broken sleep in a week. Not ONCE did he ask any questions to the Dr's or nurses about ds condition. Not once. When the Dr said Ds has septicaemia, no reaction from dp, no questions, no emotion, just carried on like Ds is there for a broken toe! He'd go home in the evening, yes he'd text and ask how he is but that's it. Just fed himself, watched football and be asleep by 10pm. HOW CAN HE FALL ASLEEP SO EASY WHEN OUR SON IS SO SICK??? No worry, no concern, nothing.

So we get home. There's clean dishes on the draining board from the day I left. Sink full of dirty dishes. Airer full of washing from the day I left. Wash bin overflowing with dirty laundry then he has the cheek to moan he has no clean pants or socks and didn't know how to use the washer! I was exhausted, she'll shocked, drained, felt like I was swimming through a hellish fog, could hardly function then he pipes up "what time is dinner?"

That evening I sat in the conservatory and cried. From pure relief more than anything. Dp came in, looked at me crying and walked away. No support, no hug, no nothing.

I've had issues for years about his selfishness, lack of appreciation, and his emotional detachment. He's even admitted himself he's emotionally detached. To be this has just proved all he is. Never ever there, never supportive. I really want to walk away.

Was I expecting too much?!?

Well DONE Cottage !! Amazing stuff! These are the first steps on your path to happiness!

Well done x best thing you ever did

It sound so much like my ex. My blood runs cold. My ex often used to band around that he was ‘autistic’ he had never had any tests at all. I felt it was a get out clause and vile. IF he was genuine about it I suggested an evaluation etc but given he was loving and caring before we got married I think the emotional bit was an act for him that he couldn’t keep up day in and day out, and that autism takes many forms and is a wise spectrum - I think he more an issue with how he was raised and he was controlling and unloved as a child so just did the same. I was really really ill pregnancy but I still had to go the house etc and children so he could do his ‘hobby’ which he did get emotional for. He didn’t give the kids or me, the love they needed or the support. on one occasion I was sobbing on the couch with a sick baby whilst trying to breast feed vomit all around us trying to keep everything together and he waltzed in a said I’m off to do my hobby and I was how can you? And he said I need my hobby to relax and I said so I need vomit, sick children and illness to relax for me and he looked at me like a spoilt child brat. I wish I ended it sooner. Please don’t continue for one second longer - you deserve to be loved for you.

You’ve done the right thing, Cottage. He doesn’t want it because, as a pp said, he wants someone to cook, clean, have sex with. With luck, he will fade out of your life.

Hope you’re ok. It must be very sad to see the end of your relationship but you’ve got rid of an idiot. You deserve so much better and you will be happy again.

Well done Cottage, hope you are feeling ok. Cuddle that little boy of yours and take care of yourself. Things will only get better from here. You might have some difficult moments ahead and wonder if you've done the right thing but just look back at how he was at these times. Now I look back at my ex and think of how he laughed at me me when I cried or had a huge go at me for something irrelevant the day my dad went into intensive care and wonder why the hell I stayed so long. for you (and we'll still be here for you on the thread xxx)

I’m so glad he’s gone and you’re safe. I was worried he was going to kick off. Even though he’s a lazy arse, this may actually affect him. What a prick.

You are not expecting anything that a healthy relationship should be, but I don't think you have got that.

I don't think he is that into you, I'm sorry.

It sounds like he is on a different planet, I'm sure totally relieved your son is okay, but then doesn't know what else to do.

I'm glad your boy is on the mend.

How old is he?

Don't make any rash decisions while you are in such a vulnerable state.
Take time to heal, time to reflect and be grateful for modern medicine and of course your precious boy.

Oh, please, theold, she says she has been dealing with his selfishness and coldness for years. This is nothing new, it's the straw the broke the camel's back. This relationship is an insult to her and life is far too short to cling onto someone who very obviously doesn't give a fuck about you or his child.

How are you doing, OP?