Was I expecting too much from DP?

[Cottagepienpeas]

Apologies in advance if I come across as rambling, my brain is fogged over and I'm very overwhelmed with emotion.

Ds 18months has been in hospital for a week with Sepsis. It was very very serious at one point and touch and go. Thankfully, our beautiful is home and on the mend, we are very lucky!

My post is about DP. Yes he was there everyday and given hugs to DS but he was pretty vacant. I know it was tough for him too but he didn't seem to be bothered or think about how I might be feeling. He lay on the hospital bed watching sports falling asleep whilst I'm keeping Ds room tidy, sorting clothes etc. Not once did he bring me a flask of coffee or some snacks to keep me going or even offer. I was running on empty, 10 hours broken sleep in a week. Not ONCE did he ask any questions to the Dr's or nurses about ds condition. Not once. When the Dr said Ds has septicaemia, no reaction from dp, no questions, no emotion, just carried on like Ds is there for a broken toe! He'd go home in the evening, yes he'd text and ask how he is but that's it. Just fed himself, watched football and be asleep by 10pm. HOW CAN HE FALL ASLEEP SO EASY WHEN OUR SON IS SO SICK??? No worry, no concern, nothing.

So we get home. There's clean dishes on the draining board from the day I left. Sink full of dirty dishes. Airer full of washing from the day I left. Wash bin overflowing with dirty laundry then he has the cheek to moan he has no clean pants or socks and didn't know how to use the washer! I was exhausted, she'll shocked, drained, felt like I was swimming through a hellish fog, could hardly function then he pipes up "what time is dinner?"

That evening I sat in the conservatory and cried. From pure relief more than anything. Dp came in, looked at me crying and walked away. No support, no hug, no nothing.

I've had issues for years about his selfishness, lack of appreciation, and his emotional detachment. He's even admitted himself he's emotionally detached. To be this has just proved all he is. Never ever there, never supportive. I really want to walk away.

Was I expecting too much?!?

Good for you OP. Stay strong. Sorry for your awful week

Whilst he's gone I'm going to fill the boot of his car with his stuff, leave his car key and message him to tell him when he arrives home, just drive off.
Do arrange to have your locks changed ASAP (I'm assuming he's not in the deeds/mortgage..). Also you may need to mute him on social media - reduce the avenues he can get to you on.

Good decision op

Nothing further to add that hasn’t already been said but I think you’re 100% doing the right thing. Don’t chain yourself to this misery for the rest of your life, go and find what makes you happy. In years to come hopefully you’ll look back on this time as a real sliding doors moment and be grateful that you didn’t put up with it

Good for you, get that car packed and get him out 💐

I told him last night what's going to happen. He said nothing. This morning he started rearranging his wardrobe, I said ill do that by the time you get back. He proceed to tell me "I'm just helping you out babe." Then he said "You're really finishing it when you're as bad?" There's no gravity there. He's a cold cold manchild. The RAGE.

Thanks again for your replies.

Just confirms you’re doing the right thing

YES. Stick to your guns, hold on and follow through.

We aren't going to lie to you - this next bit will be hard and horrible but so fucking worth it!

You sound like a fantastic mum and someone would be lucky to be with someone so strong.

Proud of you!

He truly believes he's terrific. The 'you're as bad' comment after you're just back from days in hospital with your life-threateningly ill baby shows that he's a manipulative person who negs women. It's funny, but I'll wager he shows plenty of emotion around his footie mates and they think he's fine. Amazing that.

And the 'babe' comment and 'helping you out'.

Leave him to it, pack up the rest of his shit, fuck him off and do not back down because he thinks you're just taking a strop, having a temporary wobble and over-reacting.

He is a total knobhead.

stay strong in your decision OP, he has shown you who he is, this wont change! looking forward, think how he will react to you ageing, maybe becoming ill yourself, you know how that would pan out dont you? he has no empathy, sympathy or caring in him now, that wont change when you are a little old lady who needs help.

move on, there are decent kind men out there, dont saddle yourself with this one, give him back to mummy!

He honestly doesn't believe this is happening.

Jon65 I'm autistic, my children are autistic and your personal attack based on facts being presented to you is staggering.

Funnily enough, it's stereotypes which cause the greatest harm. The ones you are throwing around comparing an arsehole to an autistic person. You are part of the problem.

I don't wish to derail the thread further, apologies OP, so I'll leave it there.

Stop derailing the thread.

OP - is your current home just yours? Otherwise you can't make him leave or change the locks

Yes it is just mine.

Pack up his shit. He has somewhere else to go. Mum's until he gets his old house back. At least you won't have him there expecting you to be his maid.

Do you have RL support OP? I think given that you've been through a really traumatic time and now this, you deserve some support

Given that the house is yours only, I'd go with your original plan and just stick his stuff in his car. That way you can avoid a confrontation, and it's not like he hasn't been told what's happening.

Thinking of you OP, I hope everything is ok

Ok his stuff is in his car, his car key left in a safe place. I will text him to remind him what is happening.

I'm dreading when he turns up. I pray he just gets in his car and goes.

He sent the inevitable "I don't want this." text earlier. I ignored, I do not want to engage with him.

Keep strong and determined,💐