Why does my son’s friend do this?

[Offallycheap]

He’s 10. And if I’m around he constantly tells me what my son is doing, as though he’s being naughty, even when he isn’t. Literally non stop. And if my son isn’t around he tells me constantly about other things that aren’t right. It drives me mad.

I take them both to Scouts once a week and he comes here from school. It’s a favour to his mum really, but I’m wishing I hadn’t offered!

Tonight I was cooking dinner and he came in and interrupted my conversation four times to tell me “Olly said poo head” then “Olly says he hates Mrs Roberts at school” then “Olly has taken off his socks” and finally “Olly has put the cushions on the floor instead of the sofa.”

Thankfully my Olly is pretty laid back and just sees this running in and out of the room as a way for him to get more goes on the X box, but even he is getting sick of it. I’ve tried saying “Jake, it’s fine, you don’t need to tell me things all the time!” And other similar reassurances but it makes no difference. And I’ve no idea WHY he does it or what he wants me to do about it!

I’ve spoken to his mum, she laughed it off and said he’s always been a tell tale.

Ideas please!

Maybe he does it for approval?
I've no qualification to say that at all, but it seems as if he wants to prove he is a good boy, in some way?

I'd wonder if it's for attention?

tell him no one likes a grass

I’ve tried reassuring him, but whatever he tells me isn’t about him, it’s always about something else external to him. And he has to tell me that minute. Can’t wait. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing or if I’m on the phone or talking to someone.

We used to sing:

"Tell tale tit, your tongue will be split
And all the little puppy dogs will have a little bit"

How annoying. Can you be a bit sharper with your response to him?

Oh yes, and he does it in a different voice somehow. It’s hard to describe. I said to my son “Does Jake talk like that to the teachers?” and he laughed and said of course not!

Olly doesn't like a snitch.

Neither does Olly's dm!!
And smile.

Tell him to stop. He’s a kid. You’re an adult. Say you don’t want to hear it anymore. You don’t have to reassure him - he’s being a pain and time to stop.

Tell him snitches get stitches!

Barbrafromblackpool I feel like such a rotten old cow but it’s REALLY winding me up! I’m of course kind and polite but internally I’m thinking “Shut up moaning! What the fuck do you want me to say?”

It puts me on edge. He’s a sweet kid and they play ok but he drives me mad.

I'm guessing your sons friend has different boundaries at home and he's anxious to please/seeking approval.

Saying 'poo head', 'I hate [insert name]', taking off clothes and rearranging furniture are seen as undesirable behaviour by some parents.

DD1 has a few friends like that.

The other week a friend of hers cane up and said she knew my telephone number. I said oh really? Then she rattled it off.

Another came up to me to tell me she has a new jacket.

A boy came up and told me his favourite cars and toys. I think it's a common thing to almost narrate life at that age.

They are 5/6 btw.

I’m going to have to say something directly aren’t I?

Why the frig is he doing it though? He doesn’t get any praise or reward from me, but there must be a reason!

Is he socially immature in other ways? I just wonder if his social skills are very poor? Most 10 year olds would just know that you don’t behave like this.

You need to be firm and clear. Cut him off mid sentence “ No X I don’t want to hear it!”

By the way, I'm not making a judgement as to what you should find desirable/undesirable! Just re-read and it sounds as though I'm rather 'holier than thou'!

Poppins you might be on to something there. His mum is nice enough but maybe she is more uptight than me. Or maybe she has to be very rigid because that’s how her boy is.

What do you say when he mentions it?

Is it more 'ok then' or 'thanks for letting me know Jake'

The latter may make him think you appreciate it?
Mid they argue a lot? Perhaps he wants Olly to get in trouble?

I agree with missy, I'd say I'm not interested thank you.

It’s alright Poppins I understood totally!

And I snorted a bit too! I don’t have a problem with the kids lying on cushions on the floor with no socks on etc. I can’t be arsed to fight with them over such things!

My nephew (4 years old) does this when he sees my DD doing stuff (she's 1 year old). He's a bit of a goody two shoes bless him, but he also does it out of concern that she's doing something wrong and needs to be corrected.

Maybe tell him if your ds is being so naughty the playdate will have to be cancelled and he will have to go home...

My responses range from “it doesn’t matter, go and play” to “if Olly thinks it’s ok then don’t worry” to “is this important?” to “why are you telling me this?”

He doesn’t seem interested in my response. He HAS to tell me.

And yes he’s very young in the year and I think a bit behind.

I would simply say we don’t tell tales in this house . Repeat each time .