Why does my son’s friend do this?

[Offallycheap]

He’s 10. And if I’m around he constantly tells me what my son is doing, as though he’s being naughty, even when he isn’t. Literally non stop. And if my son isn’t around he tells me constantly about other things that aren’t right. It drives me mad.

I take them both to Scouts once a week and he comes here from school. It’s a favour to his mum really, but I’m wishing I hadn’t offered!

Tonight I was cooking dinner and he came in and interrupted my conversation four times to tell me “Olly said poo head” then “Olly says he hates Mrs Roberts at school” then “Olly has taken off his socks” and finally “Olly has put the cushions on the floor instead of the sofa.”

Thankfully my Olly is pretty laid back and just sees this running in and out of the room as a way for him to get more goes on the X box, but even he is getting sick of it. I’ve tried saying “Jake, it’s fine, you don’t need to tell me things all the time!” And other similar reassurances but it makes no difference. And I’ve no idea WHY he does it or what he wants me to do about it!

I’ve spoken to his mum, she laughed it off and said he’s always been a tell tale.

Ideas please!

I was like this as a child! I just had very rigid ideas about 'rules' and somehow felt like it was my duty to inform whatever authority figure was around as to who was breaking the 'rules'. I found it baffling that adults constantly told me not to tell tales - didn't make any sense to me at all.

I guess I was quite socially immature and I do think I have high functioning ASD (my DD does as well).

Don't know how to make it stop though, I'm still a bit of a tell tale now! 😬

I was serious about telling him to write them down, he gets to "tell" yet you don't get disturbed ever 10 minutes just one review at the end and it's done.

DD had a friend like this, he’d sit with me in the kitchen watching me cook, rather than play with her.

And he’d repeat everything we said in some way eg DH would walk in and say “I’ve just put some oil in your car, it was very low was the light on?”. And friend would reply “was your oil low, was the light on?”

I’d say “oh DH there’s not much pasta left, can you pop out and get some more” friend would go “is there not enough pasta, is DH getting some more”.

Used to drive me batshit and he’s not much better now at 18

I totally understand your ambivalence towards this boy. I can see that the compassionate responses here are probably true. He sounds anxious and this is his way of maintaining order (possibly hfa) and at the same time this kind of behaviour is so so wearing and annoying.

My ds has a friend like this who is an only child of much older parents. I reckon he has some social communication issues (they are 13) and he used to come over once a week. He would spend the entire time undermining my kid with know it all statements and speaking loudly to my ds for my benefit - for eg 'Well Johnny, that was a very long time you spent on the xbox, wasn't it?' or 'I don't understand why you'd want to be so nasty to your brother when you did xyz'.

It drove me fucking nuts and my super tolerant mind ds to actively avoid him. No amount of me asking this boy not to grass up my ds worked and I ended up having to send the arrangement and feeling rotten about it as I felt sorry for this boy and his parents but he was so annoying (there were lots of other related things - putting my ds down and being super competitive etc). So no help I'm afraid but lots of empathy. Xx

Tell him you don't care if you can't ignore him.
He sounds a Pita but he's a child so I guess I don't care is your only answer without swearing.

Don't use any of the harsh responses- they are just confusing for a child who's trying to work out the rules.

I would tell mine that I was very busy and didn't want to be interrupted so they needed to sort it out themselves unless there was blood or vomit to deal with. It was a standing joke.

I wouldnt be able for that.I would just put a stop to it.Why should you have to listen to that week in and week out.Your ds mightnt like it either but wont tell you.Hes as pissed off as you.

I wouldnt be able for that.I would just put a stop to it

How would you do that ?

How would you do that ?

By not having the boy over.Its a favour,its doing her head in.The easiest option is to stop it.

I think I would start responding to all of his tale telling with "What are you expecting out of telling me this?" Make him really think about why he's doing it and what he wants out of telling tales.

I really hope that when my son was a small child and at someone else's house he wasn't spoken to so unnecessarily harshly. He may be a child but he's still a guest in the OP's house,some of the posters on this thread sound like they've never encountered children outside their own home before!

IME of children like this it has almost always been encouraged at home. The sorts of parents who try to dig information from their children about who are the naughty children in the class etc. and whose children end up the tell tale tits. If this isn't the way you are ( and it doesn't sound as if you like or approve) could you just say 'I don't need to hear that thanks' or 'Why are you telling me that?' Cut him dead each and every time, I'm sure he'll soon stop.

A friend's two year old does this and that's annoying enough, but more understandable.

I'd tell him them both next time that you only want to hear nice things about each other, and maybe pre-empt it by going to where they are after five minutes and asking each of them what nice thing has the other one done. If he seeks you out stop him before he starts and remind him you only want to hear something nice. If he continues and it's not nice ask him if he thinks it is, and when he says no tell him remind him you don't want to hear it.

My five year old does this and it certainly isn't something I encourage at home as a pp mentioned. It does my head in too, but she's a little girl who likes everyone to follow the rules and doesn't understand which rules are important and which ones not so much. I'm trying to tackle it but it's difficult. In hindsight I think we've been too strict with her and as a result she's pretty uptight now. It makes me feel guilty and sad.

some of the posters on this thread sound like they've never encountered children outside their own home before!

Or... they have and know it is a favour, listened that OP has tried everything to gently deal with it, asked the other mother gently and politely, but that OP is finding it exhausting and undermining to her DC too.

And that other PPs know enough about suffering parenting styles and more importantly the impact of having DCs over, that are constantly criticising others in their DC's emotional health . So maybe PPs are quite rightly supporting OP that she can politely withdraw from this weekly favour. As it isn't working out.

Lol, "know enough about different parenting styles", not "suffering parenting styles" 😂😮- naughty autoincorrect!

A smile and a brisk "thank you but we don't tell tales in this household" might do it? Or a "not to worry, different houses have different rules" ?