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Original poster

Why does my son’s friend do this?

118 replies

Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:15

He’s 10. And if I’m around he constantly tells me what my son is doing, as though he’s being naughty, even when he isn’t. Literally non stop. And if my son isn’t around he tells me constantly about other things that aren’t right. It drives me mad.

I take them both to Scouts once a week and he comes here from school. It’s a favour to his mum really, but I’m wishing I hadn’t offered!

Tonight I was cooking dinner and he came in and interrupted my conversation four times to tell me “Olly said poo head” then “Olly says he hates Mrs Roberts at school” then “Olly has taken off his socks” and finally “Olly has put the cushions on the floor instead of the sofa.”

Thankfully my Olly is pretty laid back and just sees this running in and out of the room as a way for him to get more goes on the X box, but even he is getting sick of it. I’ve tried saying “Jake, it’s fine, you don’t need to tell me things all the time!” And other similar reassurances but it makes no difference. And I’ve no idea WHY he does it or what he wants me to do about it!

I’ve spoken to his mum, she laughed it off and said he’s always been a tell tale.

Ideas please!

OP posts:
Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:36

I remember my niece going through a tell tale phase which seemed to go on forever but that’s because she’s a bossy boots who likes rules and likes to suck up. Good job I adore her!

OP posts:
Ex28 · 09/05/2019 21:38

My DS does this Blush
I don’t notice it at home (only child) but definitely when we’re somewhere with other kids.

LoafofSellotape · 09/05/2019 21:39

We used to sing:

Tell tale tit, your tongue will be split
And all the little puppy dogs will have a little bit

Yeah I suppose you could say that to a child in your home but you'd have to be pretty rotten!

How about ignoring the questions OP and ask him some questions instead? Or just accept that's the way he is because he's just a child and a what a ten year old says shouldn't really annoy you this much and if it does you need to ask yourself why. Just ignore it and carry on with whatever you're doing or just say "Never mind, would you like a drink?/what did you both do at school today?/run along and play ...

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Families
FiremanKing · 09/05/2019 21:39

Just reply each time with. “AND?”

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/05/2019 21:42

Have you ever asked him why he is telling you.

Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:42

shouldn't really annoy you this much and if it does you need to ask yourself why.

It was whilst contemplating this very fact that I posted! I find it difficult to ignore. It makes me feel anxious and confused! He’s complaining but I don’t know what he wants!

OP posts:
drspouse · 09/05/2019 21:43

Just sounds quite socially immature to me.

Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:44

Yes of course, I’ve even got down to his level (with my son there too) and asked why he’s telling me, but he can’t seem to explain it. He just repeats it, as though it’s clear why he’s telling me. He isn’t interested in conversation incidentally. He just wants to tell me stuff and then go.

OP posts:
woolduvet · 09/05/2019 21:45

Set him with food and drink. Shut the door and as soon as he comes in just point him back out "not interested" then just point after that. Tell his mum you're having to get him to stop as you've a lot to get done.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/05/2019 21:45

Look, I know everyone hates online diagnosers and everyone is tired of 'on the spectrum' being trotted out all the time, but this does sound awfully like a high-functioning autism trait. Because my DS could be a bit like that when little, and he got diagnosed recently at 14.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/05/2019 21:46

He's a tell-tale, for whatever reason. Maybe he just is a 'snitch', maybe he's an anxious child and doesn't want to get into trouble.
Either way, just give him a response that is totally neutral but let's him know you've heard. I'd go with 'ok' and leave it at that.

ClariceBeansUncle · 09/05/2019 21:47

I think @Poppins2016 has it. My child's friend is like this- they are from a very strict household and are keen for validation from other adults and to appear as 'good' when out of the home.

SkintAsASkintThing · 09/05/2019 21:48

Was it just my cronies and I who used to sing ' tell tale tits get their whiny throats slit ' then ? Blush

specterlitt · 09/05/2019 21:49

He sounds like he wants the approval and assurance from those in authoritative positions. Or, he could just be a child that is sort of a tell-tale and mentions what others do to get them in trouble and for him to be praised.

Perhaps just gently say, "thank you for telling me, but please do not worry, you do not need to tell me everything Olly does or says. Just play nicely with one another" and then see his reaction? I've met children who play up to adults they're not related to a lot just hoping that they're seen as the "ideal" child and their own child not.

Does he have any siblings?

BookwormMe2 · 09/05/2019 21:49

I have this with one of my DD's friends. She comes for a playdate then spends the entire time trotting round after me telling me trivial stuff I don't need to know. It's hugely annoying but I think it's because she wants attention. She has a little brother who monopolises her parents and my DD is an only, so I figure she likes having a conversation with a parent figure that isn't constantly interrupted.

Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:49

SGB I wonder is there something else too. My other son has ASD and this seems different somehow - maybe because it’s so very localised to his social communication.

And a mum who is probably stricter than me.Blush

OP posts:
anxiousbean · 09/05/2019 21:50

Could you focus on it being rude to interrupt if it isn't an emergency - then you can say "sorry I don't think that is important enough to interrupt my phone call" - "let me know if you feel ill or are very upset about something"

I think you don't like it because you are feeling criticised by him implying that your son is misbehaving.

picklemepopcorn · 09/05/2019 21:50

He's afraid he'll get into trouble. At his house, having cushions on the floor etc gets him in BIG trouble, and he's afraid you'll think it's his fault.

Just say "never mind, go and play" "that's ok, go and play". Or even "that sounds fun! Go and play".

He'll get it in time. Be kind. I think he needs it.

Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:52

Specterlitt he doesn’t care what I say. For him it seems like the value is in the telling, not in the feedback IYSWIM.

He’s got three other siblings. I’ve only met one of them and he was fine.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/05/2019 21:53

Tell him he isn't to come and speak to you before tea (or something) but he can write down his messages and tell you later. Worth a try that you don't get disturbed?

Original poster
Offallycheap · 09/05/2019 21:53

“I think you don't like it because you are feeling criticised by him implying that your son is misbehaving.” Yes. Spot on. It puts me on the defensive somehow of my PFB!Blush

OP posts:
specterlitt · 09/05/2019 21:57

@offallycheap Oh wow, I actually expected you to say he did not have siblings! Maybe it's something his siblings do to him, so he then in turns does it to your son, because he cannot do it to them?

To be fair, we can all speculate to the end of time, but some children are simply tell tales and there's nothing more serious to it.

Perhaps next time he says it, just interrupt him and say before you continue, if you're going to tell-tale - I do not want to hear it. Maybe make him realise what he's doing is being tell tale and it's not a good thing? It may make him think about it, or he will ignore and continue.

You have my sympathies, as cute as kids can be, some can certainly test us in many ways and annoy us.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 09/05/2019 21:58

Arrrghhh my eldest son had a friend like this at primary school....I didnt tolerate it and would simply say 'not interested' and walk off...this friend was collaring me in the playground at school though...i never had him round the house..

MrsSchrute · 09/05/2019 22:01

My ASD DS does this when he is feeling particularly anxious. If, as you say, it's about him telling you and not about your response, could you just say 'thank you' when he tells you something? Acknowledging him but not inviting further conversation?
I hate to think that my DS could be on the receiving end of some of the more abrupt responses on here Sad

KurriKurri · 09/05/2019 22:06

Just tell him when he arrives you don;t want to hear any tales today (say it to him and your son, so it sounds like a general message).
Then if he comes to you and starts talking interrupt him with 'is this a tale?' if he says yes, say 'I don;t want to hear it then' and usher him from the room. keep repeating ad infinitum until he gets the message. It's habit - they've generally grown out of it by ten yrs old.
In my experience i've seen it most in children who have fairly strict parents - it's to deflect away from them getting into trouble over small things. My DD was friends with a family of 3 girls 9very strict parents) and they all did it continuously - their entire conversation was basically tale telling - drove me crazy, but eventually they worked out that at my house it got no result - I wasn't interested and no one else got into trouble.

Out of interest we used to say 'Tell Tom Tit, yer mammy can't knit, yer grandad walks with a walking stick' - but I'm ancient Grin I'm not suggesting you say that to this boy though Grin