Book club making me very uncomfortable

[lolaflores]

I am a reader. I enjoy the company of other readers and getting recommendations, usually about fiction but I enjoy biography and love history.
A few months ago I joined a book club, something I have never done, probably because I didn't know about any near me. A friend introduced me to other friends of hers.
This friend is very invovled (borderline obssessed) with a certain topic. Its an issue that I have experienced and have been scarred for life from (not an exaggeration). I have been very boundaried with her on the topic, explained that it is difficult for me when she wants to talk endlessly about it and she has calmed down a bit.

However, everything now at the bookclub is directed to this subject. She sends links in the whatsapp group and this months book is on the topic. I wasn;t at the meet up when it was chosen but I got sent the link.

I honetsly cant read it. From the bottom of my heart, I have asked myself to just try it, be objective, but I am struggling to bring myself to even buy it.
Its got to the point now where I don't want to go anymore. Every conversation comes back round to the subject when she is around. It makes me deeply uncomfortable and upsets me. It is suffocating me
.
I am with people I don't know and who don't know me though it is a to;pic everyone has some experience of, all different but personal. Then it turns into a kind of group therapy thing. Except I don't want to have to talk about it in those conditions but I feel like if I go, I won't have a choice. Reading the book is like consenting to having to share with people something I don't think I want to.

sonjadog homework?
Oh jesus when did everything get such a drag.
And competitive.
Just read a book. Dont try to tack on a message or a lecture.

Oh,I quite like reading questions😂

What in the name of fuck is she doing im imagining this from a context where I am in your position... My subject of avoidance is sexual abuse. If I attended a book club and the person knew damn well about that and tried to make it the main subject and put me on the spot saying face your fears we will help you, I would not be responsible for my actions! Yes death is inevitable but unfortunately so are massive twats who don't seem to have any sense of decorum! It's just blatant self fulfilling inflated egotistical rudeness to use the ruse of a book club as a place for her to convince herself she's making a huge positive impact on people's lives

I think that you are going to have to quit the group altogether, even though I suspect that there are other members that are annoyed by this woman. She'll find a way to bring death into every book conversation, no matter the title. I've heard of book groups that are eventually destroyed by one or two members going off on tangents and monopolizing the conversation. At any rate, there are other book groups out there (or perhaps you could start your own sci-fi/fantasy one?).

I’ve left several book groups and a writers group because they were just all so earnest and super worthy. I had a major disagreement with on of the book group leaders who insisted that we all read in order to educate ourselves and become better people. I just read by myself for enjoyment. They were no fun at all.

Have you heard from any of the book group?

You should leave the group. Book groups are meant to be a way to experience new books, books you wouldn't necessarily read normally however most book groups tend to stay away from sensitive subjects. I am in a library one and we choose from a list. We have a chat about what we'd like and the list goes around at the meet. I'm sure you can find a nicer group. This lady sounds a bit strange

No word from her.
Total radio silence.
The rest of the group said they were happy to pick something else but I said not to worry, I'll catch up in July.
I've left it at that and i will just let it slide.
It's a relief to know that it wasnt just me that thought the topic was out of place in a book group.

It's not you. She sounds utterly unhinged.

Shes gotten steadily worse over the years. Its the intensity of her approach to everything. It's either complete immersion (and dragging everyone else in) or blanking it. Denouncing her previous obsessions despite being rabid only a matter of .months before.
She does complete 180s.
Fucking exhausting.

Not rtft but trick with book club is to pick generally uplifting books. Richard and Judy's book club has good suggestions. One obsessive person can ruin a book club.

Another one here who recommends a library book club. You can set one up yourself (and invite the people you like!) if you want, you don't need to join an established one.

We are given a big list once a year, we all tick off any books we fancy reading off it, and then it's pot luck which book we get each month (sometimes accompanied by, who the fuck choose this?!).

We are under no obligation at all to read the book or turn up each month. I think there're about 12 members and it's normal to have about 7 turn up. I didn't go for the entirity of last year but have started making an effort again this year because once I'm there I do enjoy it, I'm just bad at getting out in the evenings. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it shouldn't be a chore and you should only go if you want.

Also, dump your friend as she's not really a friend.

I think you've got the right idea, cool things with the group, but contact the 2 members you like.

No one likes a bore (on any subject).

Emotional vampire as pp said. You don't need that in your life. I'm sorry you've had trauma in your life and sorry you have been exploited because of your experience. That's so cruel and weird