Solution for preventing DD helping herself to food

[Munder]

She is clearly helping herself to food and eating it in secret. She's been getting noticibly bigger too :(

How do I fix this?

I'm considering locks for one of our cupboards in the kitchen.

She is allowed and snack when she comes home from school but her dad needs to go back to work in the office upstairs so can't monitor the kitchen all the time.

Help!

But you have to remember that when you become a parent, you don't stop being someone

I disagree. You have become a parent that is your new you. Everything you do is about how you raise your children.

As it is your dh who is at home what is he doing? Is he trying to distract her from eating or giving her a sugary snack because it is quick and easy and disappearing upstairs.

Why doesn’t he take Dd out at weekends when you are not there? You are available one weekend in 4. What is he doing the other 3 weekends.

He does need to step up and if he hasnt got time then Dd needs go somewhere else after school to be looked after or do an activity.

This might sound harsh but from your posts op I get the impression of parents who place work ahead of everything and who are too set in their ways to change even their shopping habits and the result is a child who is replacing loneliness with food.

Most suggestions are met with reasons why you can’t do something or just an attitude of that won’t work.

I think somethings have to change.
Whether it means that one or both of you changing jobs or both of you making an effort to get out and about at weekends. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. Just driving into the countryside and going on a walk with a healthy picnic.
If you are working then dh goes out with the dc.
You start to shop differently and even organise a date night even once per month just to reconnect.

I don’t know the state of your marriage but if you only work and you don’t do anything as a family then I can’t foresee much of a long term future

OP I think a lot of the criticism directed at you is really unfair.

All the advice about doing exercise as a family, getting DD to do this, that and the other activity, and your DP needs to interact more, and the meals need to be more nutritious...it's all well meant but the fact is working FT when you have small DC is hard.
I read your posts about the struggle getting both kids out for a walk and nodded along. Mine are 3 and 5. When I've posted this we'll be getting them ready to go out to a nature park for the day and I know it will take at least an hour to get everyone dressed, snacks ready and deal with the inevitable tears and drama over whatever is causing upset this morning. I'm usually completed exhausted by the end of it and we haven't even left the house. Sometimes the effort is overwhelming - I get it.

DD is in after school activities (gymnastics, swimming and science club) but it requires a lot of juggling with either me or DP leaving work early and one of us also has to pick up DS from his childminder. I would love to serve up nutritious fare every evening but it isn't always possible and the kids do have fish fingers more often then I'd like. That's life. As for batch cooking...yes I can do this but on the weekend it can take up most of a day and I want to spend that time with the DC. It just feels impossible sometimes. I completely understand the challenges you've described.

FWIW I spent time on my own after school when I was around 8 and it did me no harm whatsoever. Your DP picks her up from school, presumably chats to her on the way home and is in the house with her. All of this exaggerated talk of her getting 'no interaction' is silly.

Anyway, sorry for the derail It sounds as if you are doing your level best and there has been a lot of good advice here around healthier snacks. I'd second the idea to replace the sugary cereal with porridge. DD loves a bit of cinnamon stirred into hers or as an occasional treat I add a small amount of honey on top.

The thing is you don’t need to go anywhere to get exercise, especially if there is a garden.

The father hiding in his upstairs office all day not giving a shit about what his dd is doing is really to blame here. I bet he sees her as an inconvenience until his wife gets home. Tablet, junk food and tv to placate the child he’s supposed to be caring for. You can change your breakfast but if useless dad is not putting the effort in after school hardly anything will change.

And what will happen when your youngest goes to school? No doubt big sister will be looking after her instead of daddy. Poor kid.

Thank you Eastie and sheep.

I didn't actually say I wouldn't swap to lower sugar cereal, calm down!

I eat the lower sugar cereal so it's not like we don't have it.

It really doesn't take much for me to feel overwhelmed, being the HSP personality type. Like last weekend we were out at the the shops. We wanted to go for coffee but DD2 was kicking off big style and in a mood so we went down home and that's when I went to bed for a lie down and had a nap.

It's so hard juggling everything, and those balls get dropped at times.

I don't want to to quit my job. That's my pension and future. I feel the guilt everyday about DDs attending private nursery and so on.

There used to be support from family but that all turned to shit.

It's the cards you get dealt in life and you just have to deal with it.

Your DH needs to step up then. It shouldn’t all fall on you. Especially as he works from home more. He could prep healthy snacks and make a start on a healthy dinner.

Breakfast is so easily sorted and does not take more time. You’ll fill her up more with porridge or an egg and this will have a knock on effect of her being less hungry throughout the day.

No need to feel guilt about working (I understand it though, have felt the same). By securing your own future you are helping to secure DC's well being as well.

There is a ridiculous amount of projecting around the DP. He has the temerity to work while DD is in the house and apparently this makes him an unfit parent She is not a toddler. Make her a healthy snack, ok. But why does he need to sit downstairs with her for an hour when he has work to be getting on with?

I found having a two to three year old the most difficult time. They aren't happy for long.

One thing that helped keep us active : we kept a buggy till the kids were 4, just so we could walk plenty on days out and they could hop in when they were tired. It comes up on threads here occasionally "why do parents push kids who can walk!" Maybe counter intuitive but my kids walked loads because we DID have a buggy so walked miles together. Buggy was for when they get tired not so much for the start of the day! In your case right now it might allow your older dd to walk a lot more. It does limit the paths you take; such is life.

I can relate to the sense of overwhelm. Thinking long term helps me and preparing ahead. Good luck.

I must say that at the age of 8 I didn't need a parent with me all the time when I got home from school. All I wanted to do was to curl up with my latest Enid Blyton. My own children were happy to get home, watch TV, play out or disappear upstairs.

No one is saying it isn’t hard but it is something you have to do.

Been there and done that hour plus to leave the house with 2 toddlers.

I agree a lot of 8 year olds will find something to do but atm this 8 year old is bored and her thing to do is eat which is obviously not doing her any good.

I used to do tea either in the car on the way to an activity or at least by 5pm at the latest because if I wanted to get them into bed by 7.30pm on the days without activities then 5pm was the latest I could feed them. Then it was playing outside in good weather or we would go out to the local pool or do some form of activity till 6.30pm then bath, in bed by 7pm. Story time and asleep by 7.30pm Then back to work to do paperwork.

You have to get a particular routine that suits you.

Dad doesn’t need to be sat downstairs supervising his child, he needs to make sure she has something healthy to eat and not spending hours on her tablet snaffling the contents of the pantry, when she could be playing outside or dancing to a dvd and given a healthy tea. A small change dad could do, which could vastly improve his daughter’s health.

But I still don’t think it fair that In 2 or 3 years time a 10 or 11 year old be left to occupy their 4yo sibling after school Cos dad is working.

it's really tough when you're so busy. i don't think you're getting enough sympathy

try picking one activity for each weekend, perhaps one parent stay home with toddler while you do it?

how old is toddler? have you tried a scooter with a strap for when he's tired?

does she ride a bike or scooter?

I'd suggest giving a standard snack with chopped carrots and cucumber etc if still hungry.

How times have changed. When I was growing up we were always discouraged from eating between meals. I suppose grazing is better from a blood sugar point of view but it seems snacks are getting confused with treats. Don't ban chocolate but don't have it in the house as a matter of course perhaps.

DH always moans about there being no snacks (I'm not being controlling, he's more than welcome to do the shopping if he likes - he doesn't of course), our fridge and cupboards tend to have ingredients, i.e. "plenty of food but nothing to eat".

So, if you're worried, maybe just have the food for meals in the house rather than treats. She'll soon stop if the only option is an apple.

If the 'healthy' snacks are around and all she has access to, she'll eat them soon enough

Do try to be tactful rather than judgemental and mean - this will shape her body image to come, especially if you start criticising

Well, to be frank, if you've only broccoli, carrots and apples as snacks, it's doubtful she's going to do the same weight gain as 200 calories worth of daily snacks.

She's 8, if you don't buy it she won't eat it.

Yes, this.

Could you get those microwave pots of baked beans, beans on toast as she gets home from school, takes less than 5 minutes to get ready & is filling, has fibre & protein. At 8 she could get that ready herself.

dad is upstairs in the office. He works from home. He's on calls with colleague's a lot
Why can't he be arsed to spend an hour with his daughter after school until you get home to take over the supervision - and he can catch up on that last hours work?

Why is 'cooking' all down to you?
Why isn't your dp prepping food or cooking it?
Why can't he feed his own child appropriately?

Your dp chooses to neglect his dd by leaving her unsupervised.
Sounds like the majority of wifework is left to you as well.

I still don't see why DH can't schedule an hour off and catch up later @Munder. He sounds like the type who thinks childcare isn't his job.