Solution for preventing DD helping herself to food

[Munder]

She is clearly helping herself to food and eating it in secret. She's been getting noticibly bigger too :(

How do I fix this?

I'm considering locks for one of our cupboards in the kitchen.

She is allowed and snack when she comes home from school but her dad needs to go back to work in the office upstairs so can't monitor the kitchen all the time.

Help!

It doesn’t seem like you have any balance at all though? No time for the kids, or each other, or the house, or as a family. Just work.

I mean most people treat their kids as a priority and get less time for themselves. Not sure what that has to do with anything?

If your daughter is on the 90th centile & has been since she was born, then she isn't gaining weight out of proportion, if she was moving higher & higher up the centile scale then she would be. Is there a chance that she is heading towards puberty? I was chunky at the same age as your daughter, started periods at 9 but by the time I was 11 had grown 6 inches in height & was classed as underweight. Could she be heading for a growth spurt & going through that never full stage?

Agree ^^

Could you put things like red lentils into spaghetti Bol or Shepard pie

It bulks it out making it more filling and higher protein but not much higher calories (I think anyway)

The other thing you could look into is "borrow my dog" system or just put a sign in local shop window or on local FB group page

Basically you walk a person's dog on a weekend so you all get out and your toddler might walk better than just going for a walk - depending on the age/ability you could have extra leads for each child to hold in turn - while you or DP have control of the dog obviously - it just gives them the chance to walk the dog or think they are

Also without the responsibility of owning one

While also doing a good deed for another person

The scheme is all over the uk but may not be in your village but you could ask around your neighbours

Also buy her (and maybe you as well) some new plates and bowls with a small inside but a huge rim to them

So the plate looks huge but the available space for food is actually very small

It is a great way to eat less without noticing

You could say now she is grown up she can have new crockery

Maybe get ones that can be painted on to make them be her own design

Sounds like you might have an eating disorder op. These things are often, if not always, (biologically!) inherited. Perhaps have a look at your own issues which will help you with your daughters' issues around food - undereating is the flipping of overeating, both are compulsive. Your home is focused on food which is causing a lot of stress, food is a battlefield.

Have a look at here which will give you some insight into disordered food behaviours.

No judgement here. You're far from alone 🌸

*flipside of

Greek yoghurt - yes this is a staple in our house and DD enjoys this with fruit, tinned, fresh, frozen can be a bit tart.
Watch out for the tinned fruit. A lot of these are tinned in sugar syrup which will add a hefty calorie cost. Look out for tinned fruit in water or in natural juice if necessary. Regarding the frozen fruit: add a little of the stevia based sweeteners (eg Truvia or similar) or a LITTLE dark agave nectar or dark maple syrup added to the fruit whilst warmed in the microwave.

Sugar is my vice and what I crave. I get that OP. I am the same. I mix a small (measured) portion of raisins or sultanas with nuts/seeds (almonds, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, Brazil nuts) and eat SLOWLY as a snack - sometimes with plain thick yoghurt or plain skyr. The skyr itself is high protein low fat). Add an apple thinly sliced or grated in for extra healthy sweetness and fibre if needed. Pink Lady are lovely to eat and one if the sweeter applies I know but there are others (gala apples I think). A ripe juicy pear in plain Greek yoghurt or on its own eaten skin on provides fibre and sweetness.

Bread for example. It's a staple but high in sugar.
If your children won't eat whole grain bread I think there are breads which are made half and half so not entirely white but not entirely wholegrain either. Sadly I can't remember the names now but I think Warburtons or Hovis check the ingredients.

And you can't dismiss the sugar in fruit. It's got sugar which adds to your daily intake. True but still better than honey, chocolate, sugar laden "healthy" bars etc as they are a source of fibre (which is digested more slowly) as well as vitamins C etc.

I would tread carefully here. I was like this as a child, and being singled out as fat, lazy or greedy, especially by your mum, is likely to lead to low self worth and feelings of shame that only make binge eating worse. Putting a lock on the door and making it obvious you’re “found her out” and singled her out as having a problem will make this so much worse. She is hungry, comfort eating and prefers sedentary activities rather than sport. A lot of people are like this. She needs to gradually learn to eat more filling meals and choose healthy snacks, saving ‘treat’ food for a few times a week when together with others (eg a desert at the weekend, birthday cake at a party). Make sure there’s no high calorie, sugary food available except for these few occasions each week. Let her have free access to healthy snacks eg crudités with hummus, rice cakes, fruit, yoghurt (the ‘free’ foods that people on diets like slimming world are a good guide). She’s less likely to binge on these foods but they will keep her going until mealtimes. As for exercise, forcing her to do it and making it a chore means she’ll probably give it up the moment she has her own choice about it. Gradually helping her to find a type of exercise she enjoys and doing it together would be a better option.

Focusing on getting her to reduce snacking will not work. You are setting her on the path to obesity as an adult and a permanently damaged relationship with food

If she's not hungry then she's eating due to boredom and unhappiness and you need to address those issues not tackle her food intake. If she is eating more than she needs for energy and growth then she needs to move around more, not eat less.

You are more free than you like to think you are when it comes to tackling these things. You are saying you don't have time but affording time and money is always a matter of priorities and your replies on this thread seem to indicate that spending time on helping your DD with this simply isn't a priority for you. But the quick and easy answers won't work.

I stared sneaking food around age 8, if we hadn’t have had a box of chocolate bars in the house then I wouldn’t have been able to sneak them 🤷🏻‍♀️ (we were allowed one after school every day, I just snuck back for more every day and ate them in the loo). Total sugar addict 20 years on sadly!

Do you have a garden? I chuck my 3 all under 8 outside to play after school if it’s nice. They don’t get a choice. It’s fresh air and exercise, they ride their bikes up and down, and bounce on the trampoline. Heck even a skipping rope would do. I don’t care if they’d rather be on their tablet, they need the exercise and I tell them this. I don’t sit outside with them, they are safe and strangers can’t get them. Can’t your dh leave the window open whilst she’s outside and keep an ear out? If it’s raining we have some really annoying kids sing and dance dvds, they push the sofa to one side and copy the kids on the dvd. It drives me crackers but they are moving. Tablet use in my home is a treat, rewarded for doing homework or exercise not a given right.

If your dd was my daughter I’d feed her straight away after school. If your dh works from home he can prep something for her during his lunch break for her to have when she gets in. If he’s being difficult about it then you have 2 problems not 1(lazy father). He’s the parent at home he needs to step up.

Also diet needs to change, I bet you all a bit fat (I say this being fat too) all of you need to stop the shite breakfasts and stop the snacks. Your 8 year old moans she hates the food you’ve made her then tell her there is nothing else and stick to it. Obviously if she genuinely hates a certain food like say carrots, then provide an alternative. But she has to try food before saying she hates it. kids who have a growth spurt need more food, but healthy, protein rich foods, not biscuit wafers. I always let my kids have more of a meal if they say they are still hungry. I give them a bit off my plate (heaven knows I’m struggling to lose weight so I don’t mind). Because I grew up much like your dd I have always been fat, I secretly snack so my kids don’t see it. They know though why I’m fat, they know it’s bad for me, they chastise me, and I don’t stop them because they are right!

Basically you need to parent (and by you I mean BOTH of you). I get that modern life is a bit shit but you chose children and you chose to have another child too, you made your bed and your child needs you.

I was like this and used yo secret eat as a child. I was lonely. Bringing her home from work and leaving her to while your husband works is like leaving her on her own. Yes, she’s not alone from a safety point of view but she is. I remember it from my own childhood. It was awful. I’d really recommend finding some other childcare.

I have reduced the number of non healthy snacks I buy. If I do buy crisps and choc biscuits (in wrappers) I have resorted to locking them in the boot of my car.

If you get involved with an activity for your DD, OP, you might find you love it too and it really adds to life.

I can take or leave one of my DS's sports. It's the sport I did as a child so maybe I've had enough of it really. However, the other sport I LOVE! I am learning so much about it so that I can help him, and I get to spend time in an amazing place and meet some interesting people. There are loads of opportunities to volunteer- parents can get involved at any level they want.

Maybe you can find this too and then getting your DDs out won't seem such a chore.

If you choose to have children you have to parent them. It isn't forever. They grow up, they become more independent.
But you have to prioritise them and put the effort in when they need you.
I feel really sorry for your dd.
I said much earlier in the thread that meal times are just a social convention.
It is absolutely fine to eat a healthy meal when you are hungry. IMO it is much healthier to do that.
You still haven't said why your dp can't reorganise his work so he can parent his child for an hour after school.

My dd is 4 and we have a snack shelf in the fridge and she can help herself to anything from it when ever she is hungry she doesn't touch any other shelf in the fridge on it we have

Cucumbers
Cherry toms
Mini peppers
Radishes
Rainbow carrots
All from lidls mini veg range

Cheese and crackers in lidded pots
Small tub of nuts

Strawberries
Blueberries
Satsumas
Blackberries
Raspberries
From our greengrocer

We keep it topped up and i will vary what goes on it but dd helps herself to these when she is peckish she doesn't over indulge and having access to healthy snacks doesn't impact her eating her evening meals

Could you do something similar

My mum had this issue with my younger brother. She would want to have a packet of crisps so buying just healthy stuff wasn't an option because sometimes she would want a treat and she didn't want to ban him completely from having a treat every now and again. She hid snacks all over the house but he would still find them. She bought a container off amazon that has a code to lock it with crisps, biscuits etc in. Now she can get one treat out for him or let him pick and then lock them back up. Best thing she ever did x

Buy her a trampoline. My kids love it, it's the best thing we have bought in terms of fun and exercise. Bounce together on it. Do 100 jumps a day.

Get her to help with the tidying/ hoovering / dishes everyday before bed. This will help you/ get her moving and give you more time to exercise at the weekend.

Get her to follow a dance video instead of going on the iPad.

Make her earn every treat!

Get rid of all sugary snacks in the house. Maybe have one every Friday as a family treat.

Talk to her in terms of sugar being bad for her teeth not bad for her weight. Don't mention her weight ever!

Remind her that she has a smaller portions because she is half the size of an adult.

Or add more veg so her plate looks fuller.

Always buy plenty of cucumber/carrots/peppers to slice with humous /brown pitta bread/ rice cakes/toast to snack on after school.

Toast and egg /(low sugar) beans for breakfast. Easy!

Healthy snack for school. So she's not so hungry at 3.

NO snacking after dinner or in between designated snack times except for fruit or sliced veg.

Stick to it and be determined. You can do this!

You haven't mentioned drinks. What does she drink? Make sure you never buy squash , even fruit juice had a lot of sugar in it. Just allow water.

This thread is like bingo for shit advice that gets trotted out by smug people that have no idea of the reality of life for a lot of people right now. Some good advice of course but my god you have to sort it from the nonsense.

You are doing your best OP. Sometimes kids get a bit chunky before puberty or before a growth spurt. No the choices she is making aren't great but you can address that. If she is tracking the same centile the yes address it but there's no need to panic. And fgs don't shame her.... Fucking terrible advice.

Juggling two jobs and two kids and shift work is a total nightmare. Don't listen to the people on here criticising you for having your 8 year old amuse herself for an hour. You would also be criticised for not working, not encouraging independence, or any other combination of things no matter what you did.

People have been criticised on here for not allowing their children free access to food at all times. You can't win.

Why do you refuse to give up the sugary cereal? Chocolate weetabix for breakfast?!

You’ve had so many good suggestions on here.

You can be the busiest person in the world and still give your kids a decent breakfast, not have crappy snacks in the house and find some time to exercise. It’s not smug. It just takes planing.

If she’s had a rubbish sugary breakfast and a small school lunch then she will be hungry when she gets back. DH could leave her a sandwich out and I’m sure she could still eat with you at 6/6.30