Solution for preventing DD helping herself to food

[Munder]

She is clearly helping herself to food and eating it in secret. She's been getting noticibly bigger too :(

How do I fix this?

I'm considering locks for one of our cupboards in the kitchen.

She is allowed and snack when she comes home from school but her dad needs to go back to work in the office upstairs so can't monitor the kitchen all the time.

Help!

Why is it that those of us who were brought up years ago who didn't return to homes that were full of snacks, healthy or otherwise, managed?

Times have changed I guess? Both parents work now. Less time spent at the home.

We live in a world where cars are a must, we drive every where.

I quite like to sit down at the weekend. Hell, I even had a nap this afternoon.

It's too much work. Not enough play.

Fuck all support or help with my kids. Dp and I are on our own.

We're bringing up the next generation, whilst maintaining our careers, running a house and no one gives a shit.

Hmm that's a tough one OP.

Maybe ask her if she is enjoying and eating the lunch she gets from school? Or whether they're smaller portions so shes eating them but still hungry?

Would it be an option for her to take her lunch in?

Is she happy at school? Could she be eating if shes unhappy, or bored?

Would it be a possibility for her to have something a bit more filling but healthy when she gets in from school to ride her over before her tea rather than a snack?

These are just off the top of my head ideas, I'm sure it's a lot more difficult to deal with in real life x

Sorry I meant "to tide her over before her tea", not ride! Stupid autocorrect

My dd loves food, she is a grazer rather than a big meal person. She has plain weetabix for breakfast. School dinners and a snack at after school club. I pick her up at 4.30 and cook tea straight away when we get home. She will then have snacks later on. These are usually fruit, yoghurt, rice cakes and cheese. She would eat chocolate all day if I let her!

Yes there is sugar in fruit but it is fructose which is a natural sugar and more easily digested. Refined sugar is bad for you. Buy 50/50 bread to increase the fibre content.

You can’t complain about poor eating habits of a child if you are providing sugary snacks and also showing her the same behaviours yourself!

I am overweight and was worried that my 3 dcs would be. We both work full time but we squash in lacrosse and football training and matches, horse riding and cheerleading (obviously they dont each do them all!) Its expensive and time consuming but their health is my priority.

I also make sure theres always appetising but healthy food available, they will have grapes apple and cheese cubes, hummus and a pitta, ham and cucumber, mango and watermelon, natural yoghurt and berries etc and they see all of these as good snacks. If we have anything else eg Easter eggs, biscuits etc they're fair game and will get eaten in preference so I just dont have anything like that in the house. I dont restrict stuff like easter eggs I just let them eat it all and when it's gone it's gone.

Why does she have to have sugary cereal for breakfast? . What’s wrong with scrambled eggs, or some ham or smoked salmon, half a slice of toast and some fruit?
If she’s hungry when she gets in from school why can’t she eat earlier?
Get some bikes and go out together at the weekend. Stop buying all these snacks. Stick the chocolate in the freezer, it will be much nicer later anyway.

Your daughter is 8. Might be a good idea to relax and not give her food issues by making a big deal of her having an appetite. Jesus.

I think your focus on her food intake has created a problem.

Sticking to the rigid 100 calorie snack regime is a recipe for an eating disorder.

The problem is lack of exercise. You and DH need to look at the time available to you all and take stock of your priorities.

Buy bikes. Or skates. Take up running. Go out as a family for exercise. Find a new time for swimming lessons.

You need to work out if she's snacking after school because she's hungry, because she's bored or out of habit.

Mine are always starving after school and 6/6.30 would be too late for them to eat. Batch cooking or cooking the night before is how I get round it. The kids eat at 5 eating the meal I make the night before. While they are eating I chat to them while I'm cooking the next nights dinner. DH and I eat together later when he gets home from work. A couple of nights a week they'll have a pudding (not always a sugar laden one) while we're eating so that we can eat together for a bit.

If she's bored then she needs more structure in that hour rather than just being left to her own devices.

In my house my kids were getting an unhealthy attitude to snacks because I had an unhealthy attitude to snacks/food. I didn't binge eat 4 packets of crisps around them, but they were in the house and they knew. They're not daft when they notice there's 3/4 packets of crisps less in the cupboard or several choc biscuits gone they know I've eaten them.

So we have a snack box each. Every Sunday 7 things go in the box. A selection of crisps, chocolate, seeds, poporn (althogh we put a wee bag of kernels in as popcorn doesn't keep well) - anything that's not in the fruit bowl or chopped veg box in the fridge as they are both help theirselves anytime goes in - something can be taken out of the box anytime they want, but it only gets filled on a Sunday.
They also get to choose (mine for example only has crisps in as thats my binge thing) what goes in and the penalties for taking something from someone else's box are very harsh.

The first week was tough, I won't lie. Three people, including me, ate everything in two days. However now we all have a much better attitude to snacking and food in general and mostly the boxes all have leftovers on a Sunday. Plus the children tend to have something when they are hungry rather than because someone else is having something.

I think your whole family needs a shake up and a different approach to life in general.

You have a child who needs supervising but neither you or your dh steps in to look after her or provide some sort of activity so your dd gets bored and eats crap.

Why does your dh have to bring her home each afternoon. He could just as easily drop her at an activity in another town or village and then return later to pick her up.

Why has everything got to be provided by the school.

You had children so you have to look after them. You can’t leave your dc to fend for themselves.

Can I ask what will happen when younger child goes to school?

Are you expecting older sister to look after her?

OP why can't she have her tea as soon as she gets home? If it's time why not just plate up her tea when you eat at 6pm, pop it in the fridge, reheat and feed it to her the next day as soon as she gets in from school.

If she's anything like me the more chocolate she has the more she'll want so get rid of the nuttella and chocolatey cereals.

And don't worry as much about calories, centiles and clothes sizes. If she's always been the 90th centile, is tall and health care professionals haven't said she's previously unhealthily overwheight then it's normal for her to continue to track it. School clothes often tend to be on the small size. My slim 8yo is wearing 8-9 because I've learned from experience that if I don't buy the next size up I'm buying new before the years out. If her clothes are cutting in, buy bigger ones.

Don't make a big deal by restricting her food or she's more likely to have issues later on. Do eat more healthily (all of you). Feed her properly when she's hungry (tea when she gets in) so she learns what feeling full feels like and doesn't get into the habit of fulling up on snacks then eating a full tea on top just because it's there. Don't restrict her portion size, if she's saying there's not enough food on her plate and she's still hungry give her more veg so she's full of healthy food and less likely to go looking for snacks.

She's 8, if you don't buy it she won't eat it.

So she is both tall and big for her age, and this has been the case since she was a baby.

I honestly don't know what the problem is here. Some kids are just on the bigger side.

Buy her bigger clothes if the ones she has are tight. Treating her as if being on the higher end of normal is unacceptable is going to cause her horrible angst and maybe even worse issues.

Get rid of the unwholesome food, including your snacks.

Commit to one family fun activity involving exercise every weekend. You can start with everyone getting to grips with the state of the house. Turn on music, do several hours of enthusiastic cleaning and clearing.

Batch cook at weekends and get DD involved. Buy healthy snack options

Cereal for breakfast is not filling or long lasting. Eggs and bacon or eggs and haloumi would be better.

My dc have a bento box and I put more in than I know they'll eat. They come home and eat the rest.

Banana etc is once again high sugar. I'd stop worrying about calories and focus on whole foods.

As far as I can see the problem is that your dd is bored and hungry. I think 8 is too young to leave for an hour unsupervised. Your options are either
1 pay for an after school activity
2 Dh blocks an hour out of his diary and makes the time up elsewhere (I do this as do several of my colleagues)

You also need to look at your food choices. She needs a filling breakfast that's low in sugar. Is there any reason why you can't batch cook/ use a slow cooker so that dinner will be earlier?

I think you’re projecting a bit. Binge eating? Really? She’s getting chocolate because it’s there and she’s bored.

You have to be realistic about your childcare arrangements. They’re not working. You’re effectively having her be babysat by technology. My dcs have tablets after school but only some days and then I’m around!

Also food wise - my dcs would eat a substantial snack after school and dinner! I don’t mind about the snack because I know they’re hungry. My 9 year old wears a step counter - he usually does at least 12k steps usually more. No wonder he’s hungry!

Little changes like driving part way and walking the rest to encourage more exercise will help.

Honestly before giving her food issues by targetting her when your problem is that the family needs to eat healthier (why do you need treats in the house for example when you have a child with a weight problem, treats are treats and as much bought as a one off), you need to get more exercise as a family. Regular Family walks, parks, runs, fun activities are the way to go. At 8 she needs to be told she’s going somewhere with you. You will find at her age exercise is enough to regulate her weight.

I also agree that you need to drive less. I used fo live in an area where I was told driving is essential (walking routes are not side of road and can add miles to journeys), we still walked the 5 miles into (and out of town) once a week (with public transport back when kids were young, and walk back now) as I wanted to encourage walking. I work 60 hours a week as does my DH. So honestly you need to make more of an effort.

I think it is time too look at what you can do ?

If he doesn’t have time to drive both ways can he park further away from school, summer is coming ( or should be here) look at your back garden get her out there for an hour,my Ds plays swing ball on his own.

Get walking more toddler , walk a bit then carry or take pushchair , I am a childminder the 2 year old I care for walks a Mile to school and back twice a day.

It’s sounds like you can cook so batch cook. For tea last night in my can’t be bothered to cook I had hunters chicken out of freezer( previously batch cooked , jersey royal potatoes , cauliflower and peas. It really took no longer than the oven food .

Can your dh take her swimming?

I think you would all benefit from ajunk free house. I hear your issues

I also hear you about hidden sugars but I think the whole family will benefit from a new approach

I agree with PP the age of clothes she is in is a red herring. This is a picture of my 8yo DS. All the clothes he is wearing are age 12. He has some 12-13 things too. He's very tall and he's muscular because he does hours of sport.

We're bringing up the next generation, whilst maintaining our careers, running a house and no one gives a shit.

This is just an excuse. We have no help at all and demanding full time jobs. We also live in rural area. The sports DS does require a lot of travel- for one the regular training is an hour away. However, we prioritise it!

If you want your DD to be healthier, YOU need to put work into it! Otherwise, just buy her some bigger clothes and be done with it.

Why can't she have tea as soon as she's home, and then your DP/H can catch up the hour he's missed before you get home, after you get home?

She's bored, she's on her own for an hour because of lots of different things which she can't control, and she's eating during that hour.

You need to look at shifting things round I think, so that she's not unsupervised for an hour a day after school.

You have had some really good advice OP.
You haven't answered the significant questions that would help to tailor the advice even more.
You need to decide what, if anything, you are prepared to do to improve things for you and your family.
Is your partner prepared to help, or change anything?
There are no simple quick fixes unfortunately.

i had to hide the snacks, no one knew where they were, that way they were available to all. not just one greedy child.

I still don't get why it's not possible for there to be a meal for her when she gets home, which her dad sticks in the microwave - something batch-cooked at another time, or half or 3/4 of a healthy ready meal.

Focusing on sugar in complex carbs or fruit is throwing the baby out with the bathwater when you need first and foremost to be encouraging healthier eating and reducing the attractions of very sweet food by getting her to fill up with other food. It also neglects that complex carbs are good for energy, and people need energy to get things done. And there are a lot of other nutrients in fruit. It sounds like you are focusing too much on sugar to the detriment of other aspects of some foods.

Guessing that she and a lot of other posters kids of this age don't have homework, even an hour's worth? To me, that hour when her dad is working seems like an ideal time for her to be expected to get homework out of the way, after ensuring she has had a decent meal so she isn't distracted by hunger.

OP I hope you are okay. It is very hard being a parent and it's OK to feel disheartened about the amount of things to juggle daily.

You've come on to ask for advice, and have had a great deal from which to choose. If I had any advice, it would be:

• Keep calm about it. I have food issues, and find it so much harder to parent knowing about my bad habits and lack of control. It feels like do as I say not as I do - which in a way it is, and it should be. No way should my bad habits and food issues affect their relationship with food.
• Take her with you to the supermarket or grocer to pick out her own fruit and veg.
• Buy clothes that fit and are comfortable and never mind the label.

Organized exercise activities are also great but don't stress about them if they don't fit your family, there's loads you can do yourselves. Dance round the house with her. Go skating. Scoot to the shop. Do a 10 minute tidy all together (wouldn't touch the sides in my pig sty of a house but it gets them all involved and moving - 10 minutes earns some screen time maybe?)

I'm no expert. Just really feel for you and hope you work it out in a way you're all happy with. Don't be too hard on yourself or your lovely family. Best of luck.

To be honest the more I think about it the more I feel sorry for her. I don't think she's doing anything unusual or wrong here.

If I got home absolutely ravenously hungry and had no option of a proper meal one snack wouldn't fill me up. In fact it would make me even more hungry. In her shoes, even as someone who as a child had good, healthy eating habits and was v slim I wouldn't just have one snack I'd likely eat the whole damn packet of chocolate bars and that still wouldn't fill me up as well as a proper meal!

That's a normal, healthy reaction to needing filling food and being denied it. That she's hiding it is more worrying and speaks more to how she thinks you and DH will react!

Sorry op, it's really simple, she needs her tea as soon as she gets in, that's it, no excuses, your kid needs feeding, properly either by your DH or with food you've pre-prepared and he heats up. It's hard, but that's modern life with kids.

Then bin all the junk and eat healthier as a family. I'd be more worried about the chocolate cereals and spreads than the fact that she eats treats when denied a meal.