Solution for preventing DD helping herself to food

[Munder]

She is clearly helping herself to food and eating it in secret. She's been getting noticibly bigger too :(

How do I fix this?

I'm considering locks for one of our cupboards in the kitchen.

She is allowed and snack when she comes home from school but her dad needs to go back to work in the office upstairs so can't monitor the kitchen all the time.

Help!

That's not acceptable for an 8 year old. She needs some kind of supervision and interaction after school.

Really? For an hour?

There is only one childminder in the village who is unsurprisingly looking after enough kids already.

She was in an after school club we paid for until that closed. We are really limited club availability. We live in a small village - the local school has three classrooms. We commute to a slightly bigger school in the next village which she attends. There's definitely more opportunity for afterschool activities there.

So at the moment she attends drama on a Monday and on a Wednesday evening the school runs a youth club which she almost always attends.

There is the occasional allotment club and sports activity club that only runs at certain times. So during the week I think we do our best after school activity club wise.

At the weekend we could definitely be doing exercise. DP attends a swim club once a week (apart from when I'm working backshift). He was just saying he'd love to go out for walks etc, but toddler DD doesn't do walking and we're not carrying her.

Also, if it's not one it's the other. The amount of attitude you get when your trying to get out the house is a fucking nightmare.

It's hard work so it is.

Also my house is a shit tip.

Massive dust monsters.

Because when we did the program (or programme?) that's where she was sitting. She might be beyond that now right enough.
Since she was a baby, she's pretty much followed the 90th in her wee red book.

You could get a carrier for your toddler though, I did the school run (2miles morning and night) for years with DS on my back until he was old enough to walk it himself. Look at an Ergo or babybeco carrier, bloody brilliant and really good when they are able to walk a bit but get tired after a mile or so.

You just need to stop making excuses and make small, long term healthy changes.

Don't buy snacks other than fruit/veg/nuts etc.

Get DH to make her a omelette or something when she gets on so she's not snacking on crap.

Do more exercise. Walk, cycle, swim, run around in the park, go to a trampoline park, sign her up for a martial art class.

Tough shit if the kids moan. They're kids, they moan.

Get a buggy or a scooter for the toddler if she can't walk or be carried.

Not all calories are created equal. You can eat SO much more of veg than a high sugar snack. Even 100 calories worth of cheese will give more lasting satiety than sugar. And many people (like me) will eat it if it’s there. Save yourself the mental load and just stop having high sugar snacks in the house. Make it as easy as possible for her to eat well. That may mean a bit of extra effort from your doh, to prep some of the suggestions here. I’ll add mine, apple slices with peanut butter on. Sooo good.

Unlike some kids described in this thread, I never would self regulate. My Easter egg got eaten within days, where my sister would eke hers out. I would have failed on the marshmallow test.

I was a skinny child, but I ate two slices of toast with butter (at least) when I got home from school. I was starving, and a chocolate bar wouldn’t cut it. We never had chocolate or crisps in the house, and I pretty much keep to this now. Or I accept that they will get eaten!

I truly don’t think you can blame your daughter here. She’s not got adult impulse control and she’s being expected to restrict food despite being hungry. That’s not good. Do give her more (healthy) food!

Breakfast is usually breakfast club at the the school. So that's toast or cereal? Dp usually does school and nursery run. If I'm back shift, it's breakfast at home. Bowl of weighed cereal. It's usually chocolate weetabix minis. We've got lower sugar alternatives. She'll make her own porridge at the weekend. She's been adding a spoonful of Nutella but we'll stop this.

My 8 year old helps himself to food. Why wouldn't he? Its his house too. We buy healthy snacks, lots of fruit etc and make sure he is eating a balanced diet and he exercises for hours a day when he is out playing.

Yes, I agree with providing the healthier snacks.

I'm definitely not blaming her. She has always and consistently loved food.

She will however regularly challenge her portion size and feel aggrieved that dp and I are sitting with bigger plate.

She doesn't make it easy.

Dp has self control. If he finds he's putting on weight, he can cut down and sort it just like that.

Not me though. I'm at my fattest since having DD2. It's always been a constant daily battle for me in my head. Even when I wasn't fat I thought I looked it. Always beating myself up for eating more than I should. Vicious cycle.

So yeh I have an unhealthy relationship with food for sure. We eat well at mealtimes, well three out of four of us do (toddler DD usually throws her plate of food back at us).

But it's the binge eating I do usually when on my own washing the dishes when the girls are getting baths.

I've managed not to do this for the past two weeks though....

I’m an ex-teacher and I used to teach a young girl with very similar story, unfortunately you need to be cruel to be kind. Binge eating in children is a hard habit to break.

I would stress the importance of a healthy lifestyle, she might not want to swim but I’d make her, or alternatively find a sport that she might be interested, I know gymnastics is a popular activity for young girls. I almost think you might have to shame her a little, if you notice she’s ate X and Y, question her, why did she eat it? A conversation about greed might be useful.

Those breakfast choices are all loaded with sugar.
Porridge with milk and a handful of berries, or an egg on wholemeal toast would be much better.
Lidl frozen berries are great in porridge.
Once you reduce the sugar the craving is much less.
It sounds as if DH can't be looking after dd and working. I think that is a significant factor here. Does he not have any flexibility at all?

Chocolate weetabix and Nutella in porridge

I don’t do any exercise. I’m also knackered from work and have loads of planning and marking to do so rarely get much downtime so I can see how that would pan out.

But I still get DS to swimming an son his bike. Also parks are the best place really for him and toddler DD to run around.

But really we just don’t have that much crap. Mine would hoover biscuits and cakes if they could. And so would I (I still do with my secret stash )

They have 3 options for breakfast: plain weetabix/ready break/oatibix flakes. They put a small spoon of honey in the weetabix or porridge and chopped up fruit like strawberries. On
the weekend they get croissants, sometimes chocolate ones or pancakes.

DS always has ‘pudding’ with his school dinners anyway like cake which I’m always a bit baffled by.

They have fruit after school. Loads of it. Maybe some toast too. Dinner at 5.30.

I do have a ‘snack’ drawer which has those baby snacks type things: bear paws/claws, fruit bakes, oaty bars etc. Mainly for 4 year old DD. She normally has one after nursery.

Neither eat much veg which is a constant worry for me esp v fussy DD so I do keep a fairly tight lid on what they eat. But they do get a biscuit or a piece of cake a couple of times a week too.

A Sunday ‘tea’ of scones and cakes with tea is a favourite

You’re in charge. Put out food she likes that is not junk. And make sure she has something filling after school. Mine are starving. And maybe get her dad to sit with her for a bit. It’s a bit sad coming home from school and not being able to chat to someone about your day.

That's another thing, mealtimes can be late - 1800 to 1830.

Not great if you're hungry but what can you do? Cooking from scratch takes time. We have oven teas also of course but we'll steam veg for on the side. She's not devoid of nutritious food. It's just the extra stuff we need to cut out.

I don't want to give her a complex. Nooo way. Tact and healthy snack advice - thanks!

but toddler DD doesn't do walking and we're not carrying her so buy a really basic, cheap pushchair and push her.

Assume but toddler DD doesn't do walking is preference not medical need. So take the buggy and get her to walk for short distances.

Why can't DH get his child some food before he leaves her?

DP collects her from school, and they have to walk a few mins back to the car, then drive a few mins down the road. There is time for interaction then.

Then when I come home of course. But usually the time she talks about school mainly, is after we read bedtime story. It just all comes out.

It's not like she doesn't get interaction!

We sit down at mealtimes too but it's usually a frustrating affair on account of DD2 not eating.

She Is allowed an hour on her tablet each day, or sometimes more if I play minecraft with her.

She can earn more time if she helps out with her chores which very rarely happens.

Yes I want an easy life at times and will pander to my children.

He does, he gives her snack. Makes a drink then gets back to work.

He would definitely put in time to prepare cheese and crackers, fruit etc when we make changes.

DP collects her from school, and they have to walk a few mins back to the car, then drive a few mins down the road why is he taking the car?

He does, he gives her snack so if he's coking in and giving her food, move all the other unhealthy snacks away. Leave out fruit, sugar free squash etc. Get him to whip her up a healthy snack. I wouldn't consider cheese and crackers partic healthy if he's using butter etc

I’m going to be harsh, but you’re massively letting your DD down. I’m sorry but your DH needs to supervise her after school, either he sits downstairs and works whilst she does colouring or something or she can sit in his office.

At the weekends get out walking, on bikes, swimming, to the park, in the woods. If your toddler doesn’t walk then take the pram or look for a 2nd hand trike that you can push with a handle.

Stop buying unhealthy snacks, also get some counselling for your own food issues because these will rub off on your daughters.

Wanting an easy life occasionally is fine, but you and your DH are acting like your kids are an after thought in your life not your priority. No wonder she is eating out of boredom or loneliness.

Why can't DH block out an hour to be with her after school and catch it up after she's in bed?

I have mentioned a couple of times about bulk cooking. Cooking healthy food from scratch does take time, but it is quicker and cheaper to double up the quantities and fill your oven. A slow cooker is fantastic for healthy soups, stews and pasta sauces.
Once you get organised you can have 5 evening meals in the freezer ready for the week ahead.
I think there are lots of useful ideas and suggestions on this thread, but it takes determination and teamwork.

Healthy breakfast options:
Toast with one of the following toppings: peanut butter, cheese, smoked salmon, mashed up avocado, poached or fried egg, baked beans, fried mushrooms.
Fruit: fresh, dried (DS likes raisins on his toast and peanut butter), tinned, frozen or juice (1x 150ml).
Greek yoghurt, I have it with frozen berries that are lightly poached with some water and maple syrup. The maple syrup is not strictly necessary so for a child I wouldn't bother.

I encourage the kids to eat a serving of fruit at breakfast and something with good fats or proteins. We do have cereal in the house but only low sugar options, porridge or plain weetabix.

Think it sounds like she's following in your footsteps, try and make small changes slowly so both of you try swapping to not drinking calories (water only), working towards no processed sugar (but don't worry about fruit) - we have a bit of a rule about having to bake if you want something sweet, no seconds for you at mealtimes and work towards no snacks although I think a healthy snack is OK for DD after school.

why is he taking the car?

It would be over an hour round trip to the school and back on foot. There is a 40 mile an hour country road that connect the two villages (DD attends the school in the village we don't live in) of which I wouldn't even want to walk on. People speed up and down it.

Greek yoghurt - yes this is a staple in our house and DD enjoys this with fruit, tinned, fresh, frozen can be a bit tart.

She doesn't like nuts or peanut butter unfortunately, or avocado but there's plenty other healthy stuff she'll eat.

I love baking but rarely get the time to do it. I like that idea that you only get treats like that if you bake. DD gets involved and we get to make some thing tasty in the mean time.

We've definitely got a small list of meals we make now a days because of complaints we get. I do not wish to make everyone a different meal every night. Fuck that. So we try to compromise and make things 3 out of 4 will eat.

We'll not replace the sugary cereal but in general, it's quite difficult to avoid sugar.

It's everywhere, when it's not rammed down your throats at Christmas /Easter / Halloween, it's on tv's, online, in food you never thought possible.

Sugar is my vice and what I crave.

I’m sorry I’m not being snarky but how is it difficult to avoid sugar?

Obviously even fruit has sugar in it and even basic stuff but generally it’s pretty easy not to eat biscuits cakes chocolate etc. You just don’t buy it.
(I’m talking about the kids as I’m a total hypocrite and have been eating crisps in bed just now 🤷🏽‍♀️)

If you make home cooked meals that won’t have sugar in it. No sugar cereals (though even plain weetabix it has a bit doesn’t it?) fruit/cheese for snacks. Maybe one snack a day which would have sugar. Some honey in porridge perhaps.

Ours get a sugar fix through bought pancakes on a weekend

Bread for example. It's a staple but high in sugar.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that buys it from the shops- i.e. Don't have time to make that from scratch.

And you can't dismiss the sugar in fruit. It's got sugar which adds to your daily intake.

You are not prioritising activities. It's boring and hard work but taking kids to sports clubs after school and at the weekend is important. If you can't afford it that's one thing but saying you don't have time is another. Dance, gymnastics, trampolining, hockey, netball etc... she needs to move. Kids get fat if they don't move. What they do at school for PE etc is not enough. If you can't afford clubs take them walking, cycling and park run.