Shamed for being poor . Devastated

[shamedtotally]

I’m in a bit of a state. V v upset
We dont have much money we get by just some weeks are bad some better

In dec ds was a size 5 we got him trainees for Xmas size 6. He’s now a size 8 and my mother has had a massive go at me how disgusting we are that he’s wearing wrong size
We only had money for new school shoes so prioritised that
We have bills to pay and food to buy
I had to borrow £10 she agreed I said I’d pay her Friday when paid she said fine. Half an hour later had a go at me how awful it is I won’t pay back tomorrow
Not that it makes a difference I’d pay her back ASAP anyway but she’s well off

She then told me it’s awful ds jeans were too small
Then she had a go at me about everything brought up so e past things that were cruel

I lost my temper and shouted and went and the baby cried and she laughed that I’ve upset him said again I’m a bad mother.
We work hard and we try our best
Ds had a growth spurt we weren’t neglecting him in too small clothes

How old is he shamed?

12

You need to stop seeing your awful mother for a while.

Who in their right mind would treat their own child like this?
She sounds nasty and toxic.

He literally had a massive growth spurt and we prioritised school shoes said next week would get trainers we couldn’t do both and she’s made me feel like utter shit

She's a bitch. I'd consider cutting her from my life for acting like that rather than running up to asda to buy some bits for him.

Just ignore her. She's obviously pushing your buttons but not offering any emotional support for the issues you face. Maybe consider going low contact with her and learning about assertiveness in the meantime to help you handle her. Plenty of support over on the ongoing Stately Homes thread in Relationships from people going through similar.

She's being ridiculous, at that age they outgrow things in the blink of an eye. You know you've prioritised the important things, you know you've done your best. I hope your boy does too.

Tbh I'd be telling her that if she was any kind of a decent grandmother she would have bought the trainers and jeans for her grandson instead of shaming her daughter. I can't imagine ever being a parent who wouldn't help their child out tbh. OP see a lot less of your mother you don't need to put up with such vile behaviour.

I'd go with school shoes first too. From a size 5 to size 8 in five months is ridiculous. Nobody sees that coming.

Meanwhile, your mother is a bitch.

She sounds charming Maybe she could help her family instead of shaming you. Has she always been do judgemental?
I'd be keeping her at a distance if all she can do is put you down. People like her think that by borrowing you a tenner they have a right to pass comment on your life.
Could you maybe go to cab and ask for advice re your finances. Maybe there is something you are entitled that you don't know about. I sympathize as money is tight too and we have to prioritize things like new trainers/ coats etc.

That’s what dh said I’ve had to phone him st work as was so upset that if she cared she would have helped not been so mean to me

She's a shit grandmother if she's too tight to buy her grandson a couple of bits.

I’ve never shouted in front of the baby and he was so upset I feel awful

How bloody awful for you. I have been in your shoes many moons ago and know how difficult it is. You could have done with some support and a bit of practical help, not her having a go.

You sound as if you are doing a good job under demanding circumstances. Try not to let her get to you and, believe me, things will eventually get better.

If you were my dd I'd be taking you shopping and buying the things you and your dc need, not having a go at you.

The baby won't notice. The way your mother treated you was much worse.

Tell her to fuck right off. It's none of her business how you prioritise your spending. She sounds like such a bitch belittling you like that. Stay away from her for a few weeks and see if she crawls back.

Oh OP 😞

You’re trying your best and it can be so hard to keep up with constant money demands (she says- not actually having children yet 🙄)

Have you thought about selling his old stuff online? See lots of mums doing that- My niece goes through clothes within weeks. She grows constantly and children’s clothes aren’t cheap to say they only get a few months use!

I don’t think DS should have been knocking around in trainers 2X too small though as it can seriously damage the development of their feet. 🤔 But like you said, you were going to replace them- just as soon as you could.

A week or two in small shoes and tight jeans won’t kill him.

Maybe ask your mother whether she’d prefer he had new trainers, or food for the week? X

You are doing the best you can. I would have prioritised school shoes over trainers.
Your mother could have helped financially rather than being nasty to you.

She doesn’t seem to understand that when I say I’ve got no money and can’t get everything immediately I actually mean it I don’t have various accounts and ‘pots’ like she does

DS has just grown out of his white trainers. Would you like me to see what size they are ?

You're doing the best you can, your mother should of never called you a bad parent or made you feel like one. She's making things harder for you than they already are, cut contact with her. She isn't giving you support she's giving you more problems to deal with.

Keep doing what you're doing, you seem to be doing a good job whilst obviously struggling.

He has worn the school shoes at weekend so feet not damaged

She should be the one who's shamed for not helping. Not you.

Having said that, too tight shoes do enormous damage to growing feet. Please try and get him some asap but obviously you can't magic money out of thin air.

Sorry. x post.