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Original poster

Shamed for being poor . Devastated

113 replies

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 16:22

I’m in a bit of a state. V v upset
We dont have much money we get by just some weeks are bad some better

In dec ds was a size 5 we got him trainees for Xmas size 6. He’s now a size 8 and my mother has had a massive go at me how disgusting we are that he’s wearing wrong size
We only had money for new school shoes so prioritised that
We have bills to pay and food to buy
I had to borrow £10 she agreed I said I’d pay her Friday when paid she said fine. Half an hour later had a go at me how awful it is I won’t pay back tomorrow
Not that it makes a difference I’d pay her back ASAP anyway but she’s well off

She then told me it’s awful ds jeans were too small
Then she had a go at me about everything brought up so e past things that were cruel

I lost my temper and shouted and went and the baby cried and she laughed that I’ve upset him said again I’m a bad mother.
We work hard and we try our best
Ds had a growth spurt we weren’t neglecting him in too small clothes

OP posts:

ssd · 30/04/2019 18:12

I'm sorry your mum made you feel like shit op, you don't deserve that. You are doing your best, don't feel bad

Nonnymum · 30/04/2019 18:18

Your mother sounds terrible. If she is so concerned why doesn't she buy him new shoes and I'm speechless about her insisiting you pay back £10 when you needed money for food.
I am sorry you are going through this. You sound a lovely mum if anyone should be ashamed it is your mother

BBInGinDrinking · 30/04/2019 18:21

I often think all our communities could do with local Clothes Banks and Swaps, not just Food Banks.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/04/2019 18:24

Your mum could have gone about it a lot better but her heart was probably in the right place for her grandson.

I think I might feel a bit cross if my adult child added to their family when the existing children weren't in the right size clothes or shoes. There are ways of saying things though.

Does he not get Child Benefit to help with clothing costs.

teyem · 30/04/2019 18:28

There are ways of saying things though.

Why would you say it at all? To what benefit? Yes, you'd get the satisfaction of feeling superior and smug but what would it change?

NoYo · 30/04/2019 18:31

Why isn't your mother doing the right thing and buying her grandson some new things, especially as she is well off?
Before I met my DH I was a single parent for about 2 years, luckily I had a good salary, low mortgage etc but my parents would still do what they could to help out.

It's what you would expect a parent to do!
I hope things improve for you. In the meantime, maybe avoid all but essential contact with your mother until you get back on your feet a little.

NameUserChange · 30/04/2019 18:36

Just on a practical note, if he needs the trainers desperately for PE for school, the school may be able to help you to buy some They do have hardship funds.

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2019 18:36

Some people go through financial problems from time to time not everybody has pots of cash the fact the op has a baby is neither here nor there,

lahdeedah2019 · 30/04/2019 18:39

Ignore her . You do what you think is right as a mother . I totally agree with you

Tightarseparent1 · 30/04/2019 18:40

Why have people reported this thread?

NoYo · 30/04/2019 18:41

Also meant to say, if you live near a primark then it may be worth having a look in there for cheap trainers, pumps etc. They had the pumps that look like vans for a few pounds the last time I was in there.

Nonnymum · 30/04/2019 18:43

I'm sorry icwvreamanscandyfloss but the mother is not concerned about her grandson if she was she would but him some new trainers or trousers or both not shame his mother. And she wouldn't insist the OP pay the £10 back.

Iamheretoday · 30/04/2019 18:49

I have some things my son has grown out of I could send you? I will pay for postage. Unfortunately not trainers as he is only a 7 but he will have aged 12 and 13 clothes he has grown out of. Pm me your address if you want me to. No worries if not x

woodhill · 30/04/2019 18:53

What a cow. Why can't she buy him the stuff rather than berating you.

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2019 18:54

Thread might be reported because posters are offering help to the op

gamerchick · 30/04/2019 18:57

Why have people reported this thread?

Because people come on with a sob story, people get sucked in and are idiotic enough to send money. Then we get more begging threads. 99% are scammers.

teyem · 30/04/2019 19:01

Those posters are fairly obvious but I think it appears as standard on threads like these.

Original poster

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 19:03

It’s ok I understand why mnhq have to post that message
I reported the post myself too as had offers of help and to make Mnhq aware as my intention wasn’t to gain I was just so upset and had to ‘talk’ after leaving dm house

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/04/2019 19:05

I disagree Nonny. She's still a parent and raised an issue with her child. Granted not in a good way but looking out for her grandson means just more than buying new things. That's likely just a sticking plaster.

xsquared · 30/04/2019 19:24

Your mother is toxic, OP.

You are doing what you can to provide for your family and she is the one who is being disgusting by sneering at you and your family.
She should be supporting you not undermining and humiliating you.

I think you need to distant yourself from her for the sake of your and your dc's well-being.

EjectorCrab · 30/04/2019 19:27

Your mother sounds awful. If she has the means to buy her grandson trainers and doesn’t but instead shouts at you about it when you are clearly struggling, then she’s also a shit grandmother.

Snog · 30/04/2019 19:31

It is very definitely your mum who should be ashamed of herself OP and not you.

Nonnymum · 30/04/2019 19:37

ivecreamandcansyfloss, we have to agree to disagree. I don't think she raised anything at all. The OP knew the trainers were too small, she didn't need her mother to tell her. She has already said she plans to buy some new ones as soon as she can. I don't see that the grandmother has done anything at all to make her grandsons life any better

Milkn0sugar · 30/04/2019 19:52

Your mum sounds very toxic. Growing feet are hard to keep pace with so don't beat yourself up. If she's financially comfortable, she should have just bought him some trainers and told you she was happy to help you out while life is so tough. Pay her back that tenner so she can't bitch about you, then keep her at arm's length for a few months so she understands that she can't be so nasty and get away with it.

Wonkybanana · 30/04/2019 19:54

Those PPs saying 'if she cares that much', 'if she's that bothered' - it doesn't sound like she does/is. She's just doing it because she's enjoying the opportunity to belittle and shame her daughter. Which is disgusting.

Sadly I suspect this isn't the first time she's done that. Does she generally get her kicks by demeaning other people?

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