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Original poster

Shamed for being poor . Devastated

113 replies

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 16:22

I’m in a bit of a state. V v upset
We dont have much money we get by just some weeks are bad some better

In dec ds was a size 5 we got him trainees for Xmas size 6. He’s now a size 8 and my mother has had a massive go at me how disgusting we are that he’s wearing wrong size
We only had money for new school shoes so prioritised that
We have bills to pay and food to buy
I had to borrow £10 she agreed I said I’d pay her Friday when paid she said fine. Half an hour later had a go at me how awful it is I won’t pay back tomorrow
Not that it makes a difference I’d pay her back ASAP anyway but she’s well off

She then told me it’s awful ds jeans were too small
Then she had a go at me about everything brought up so e past things that were cruel

I lost my temper and shouted and went and the baby cried and she laughed that I’ve upset him said again I’m a bad mother.
We work hard and we try our best
Ds had a growth spurt we weren’t neglecting him in too small clothes

OP posts:
floraloctopus · 30/04/2019 17:16

How old is he and roughly where are you in the country?

SunshineCake · 30/04/2019 17:18

"That’s very kind I don’t………"

If that was to me I didn't think you were begging and the offer still stands.

BlueSkiesLies · 30/04/2019 17:19

If she was a nice person, she would have paid for some trainers for your DS rather than shout at you.

downcasteyes · 30/04/2019 17:19

Anyone who can have a go at their daughter for being a "bad mother" when that daughter is doing her best and just short of funds is awful.

Anyone who can do this when they have the funds to help is a monster.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 30/04/2019 17:20

She doesn’t sound very nice. I’ve been to primark and got ds some shoes for £2.50 T shirts were £1.30 and shorts for £3.00.

notatwork · 30/04/2019 17:21

So your DS is so super healthy that at the age of 12 he;'s had a massive growth spurt and his feet have shot out from a 5 to a size 8 in a little over 3 months and his trousers are suddenly too short?
That's not bad parenting: that's not a kid who's missing out on nutrients or love.
That's a boy with big feet and big chances in life.
Go you OP!!

ps your Mum's not a nice person.

ArnoldBee · 30/04/2019 17:21

I got shamed by my mother for having droopy breasts. I need rather large bras and at the time my husband was going through a mental breakdown, I was paying 2 mortgages and didn't have anything to spare so the buoyancy of my breasts was not an immediate concern. 3 years later I do have little pots of money that I pay into each month that now have nice little amounts in for the unexpected but it takes time.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/04/2019 17:22

Your mother is a turd. Thanks

You are doing your best and I'm sure your boy knows this - a lot of us on here have been/are in similar tight spots so hopefully you'll get lots of good advice and anecdotes to cheer you up!

MrsMozartMkII · 30/04/2019 17:23

You sound grand lass. You're mother..., not so much.

As PP have said she should be bloody ashamed for not helping you.

listsandbudgets · 30/04/2019 17:25

Wow... if she cares that much she'd be sticking her hand in her pocket.

You're doing you're best especially with shoes which are so expensive. I only found out when I was an adult that my nan used to buy our shoes when DM was a single parent on benefits because she knew otherwise DM would never manage it with 3 of us.

She knows you need to borrow a tenner to make it through the week - how the blazes does she think you're going to magic up shoe money Shock

I'm sorry OP, she's not been very kind or thoughtful :(

Ginnylamb · 30/04/2019 17:27

DD's fest went up 3 sizes and she grew 20cm in 6 months too, though at 13.

Your mother is indeed a horror. Any mother with a bit of spare money would at least consider buying the trainers and jeans (at least offer to do so as long as he's going to accept and wear non branded items). Shaming your own child without trying to help your grandchild is - well - shameless.

saganorenscarandcoat · 30/04/2019 17:27

You sound a great mum. Your mum sounds a shit one.

Ginnylamb · 30/04/2019 17:28

Feet not fest

listsandbudgets · 30/04/2019 17:28

PS - PM me your mum's address - I'll post her a tenner myself

jasmine1971 · 30/04/2019 17:28

Whereabouts are you OP? I have my 14 year old who is about to tidy out his wardrobe of younger clothes this weekend, if I haven't offended you with the offer I'll happily drop some by (he is tall and lanky and my younger son is not the same build :-) )

plominoagain · 30/04/2019 17:31

Look , OP , I’m certainly not skint by anyone’s standards , but I very much doubt I’d be dishing out for trainers and school shoes in the same week either . And FWIW , at the weekend I looked at DS4 , and suddenly realised his favourite joggers from Xmas are now three quarter length and almost at his shins . It happens . He’s obviously well fed , well loved and it’s that age . You have NOTHING to be ashamed of . Nothing

Accountant222 · 30/04/2019 17:33

If you were my daughter I'd just take you shopping and pay for what you need, it's unnecessary what she's doing, most people struggle when the kids are small

Missingstreetlife · 30/04/2019 17:33

I think your mum is unreasonable, but can't help thinking why have another child when you are so stretched, does sons father help?

RubaDubMum89 · 30/04/2019 17:36

Your mum is a twat bag op. I'm sorry, but she really is. Regardless of if she can help or not, how dare she shame you for trying your best?! If you had twenty fags and a can of larger in your hand then OK, but I very much doubt that's the case.

Have a look for your local St. Vincent's or Sue Rider charity shops, I bet you'll be able to kit out DS between the two of them in clothes and a pair of trainers for under £20. Sue Rider especially is everything £3 and under.

Good luck OP. You're doing a fantastic job

MNHQ
AnyaMumsnet · 30/04/2019 17:38

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

At MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) that they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. Flowers

TheBigFatMermaid · 30/04/2019 17:40

She's the shit mother/grandmother, not you.

I have a 12 year old DS and a 13 year old DD. Last year, all of a sudden, DD had nothing to fit her. We went on a charity shop and Everything£5.com spending spree and kitted her out for £60. Now she has nothing to fit her again, in spite of having had a lot of bits bought/given in between. DS doesn't ever seem to grow, lol, but I bet I will regret saying that now. Grin

I'm damn sure as a grandmother to two little girls now (adult DDs two children) I would never shame her if she couldn't afford something but would rush to help if I could.

MoreCookiesPlease · 30/04/2019 17:41

OP, so sorry to read this. Steer well clear of her. She sounds toxic. Yes she may have had various "pots" and "accounts" but her generation had it easier, with cheaper house prices and cheaper costs of living. She's being awful to judge you as a parent. Do you have any siblings with kids of DS' age so you can ask for some hand me downs? Also second hand sales are brilliant for cheaper clothing. Children outgrow things so fast, you're not a bad parent for prioritising school shoes.

ThatCurlyGirl · 30/04/2019 17:44

She can buy them if she's that bothered. Horrid way to make you feel, sorry OP :(

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 30/04/2019 17:55

She really sounds a nasty piece of work. What kind of mother takes pleasure in making her daughter feel shit and laughs when you show you're upset Confused? I'd shove the tenner in her letterbox on Friday, text her to say it's there and then ignore. If she contacts you to criticize or minimize (cos it will be one of those two if she brings it up at all) then take the opportunity to give her a piece of your mind!

The vast majority of normal, decent parents don't just stand by while their dc or gdc struggle, they do their best to help in whatever way they can. Even if they can't help financially, most would offer emotional or practical support. She's the one who ought to feel ashamed, not you.

confusedofengland · 30/04/2019 18:05

Can you ask on a local Freecycle page or Facebook page? Or even see if you can get a pair for £5 or less on a secondhand page? Another thing to do would be ask school if they have any lost property trainers he can borrow for PE lessons at least. Also check if you have Tesco/Nectar points you can spend as shoes cheap there.

It is totally rubbish when you can't afford stuff & things like this always seem to happen when you're skint. Your mother was being really mean though.