Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Shamed for being poor . Devastated

113 replies

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 16:22

I’m in a bit of a state. V v upset
We dont have much money we get by just some weeks are bad some better

In dec ds was a size 5 we got him trainees for Xmas size 6. He’s now a size 8 and my mother has had a massive go at me how disgusting we are that he’s wearing wrong size
We only had money for new school shoes so prioritised that
We have bills to pay and food to buy
I had to borrow £10 she agreed I said I’d pay her Friday when paid she said fine. Half an hour later had a go at me how awful it is I won’t pay back tomorrow
Not that it makes a difference I’d pay her back ASAP anyway but she’s well off

She then told me it’s awful ds jeans were too small
Then she had a go at me about everything brought up so e past things that were cruel

I lost my temper and shouted and went and the baby cried and she laughed that I’ve upset him said again I’m a bad mother.
We work hard and we try our best
Ds had a growth spurt we weren’t neglecting him in too small clothes

OP posts:

DoctorDread · 30/04/2019 16:37

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/04/2019 16:41

You are going through a tough time, but it won't always be like this. Having a young baby around is lovely but it can wear you out. Your mother is taking advantage of this and kicking you when you are down. Her behaviour is unacceptable. Please try and distract yourself and don't let her mean words upset you...It already sounds like you are a much better mother than she will ever be. Good luck x

HollowTalk · 30/04/2019 16:42

She's a disgrace. She could help out her daughter and grandson and instead she's criticising you.

BentBaastard · 30/04/2019 16:43

I know you haven’t asked for anything but I might have a few things ds has grown out of that you can have if you like.
I will look for shoes too.

Beachbodynowayready · 30/04/2019 16:44

Going nc with a bullying and judgmental dm is very liberating op.
I can def recommend it.

Connieston · 30/04/2019 16:44

My 11 year old is not that far off my height at 5 foot 5 or 6 and over the last year has outgrown everything within weeks - it's normal for them to have a spurt. I'm not well off but have enough but sometimes I look at him and think bloody hell how are your trousers that short, or to have to replace shoes etc. Ignore your mum.

Original poster

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 16:45

That’s very kind I don’t want anyone to think this was a begging thread I was just so upset and she couldn’t talk for long as was at work
I’ll be able to get trainers next week and the week after some other bits I’m just so upset my own mother can’t see I’m doing my best and I can’t get everything immediately and that boys grow so quick

OP posts:

Original poster

shamedtotally · 30/04/2019 16:45

She - dh

OP posts:

OhTheRoses · 30/04/2019 16:46

She should be glad you had the money to replace the school shoes and sensibly did so. She sounds a horror.

Let's hope this is an exponential spurt and they don't grow much for a year or three. However, when ds had his mega spurt it did last about 18 months (9" in 18 months) so perhaps buy Asda/Shoezone.

museumum · 30/04/2019 16:48

Do not be ashamed. I'm not "poor" but I still get caught out by my ds growing suddenly and I can't always just drop everything and go shopping. It happens to us all, honestly. It does not make you a bad mother, the only bad mother around here I'm afraid is your own, she's the one showing a really nasty side making you feel bad

Artnan · 30/04/2019 16:48

There are some people in life whose pleasure in life is being unpleasant - unfortunately for you, your mother is one of them. It obviously makes her feel superior to behave like this towards you. Console yourself with the fact that you are a much better mother then she can ever be.

Springwalk · 30/04/2019 16:52

The issue is not that you are not wealthy op, it is the awful relationship you have with your mother.

Go to the foodbank and see if they can help, or a second hand shop will have plenty of trousers and jeans for a temp fix. Even if you have to swap your old clothes for some in the charity shop, I am sure they would be able to help you. Possibly with trainers too?

In the meantime you need to consider stopping all contact with your mother if she treats you so badly.

She should be supporting you, not embarrassing you.

AuldJosey · 30/04/2019 16:54

Your mother is what I call a prized cunt.

Text her - 'Here's Bob's shoe size - go and buy him trainers if you're so fucking concerned. Otherwise fuck off you thundering bitch.'

Shelbybear · 30/04/2019 16:55

I seriously wouldn't ask her for any money again. Her behaviour is disgusting. Is she always like that?

She knows your doing your best and if she's that appalled she could buy her grandson new trainers and jeans! That's what a gd mum/gran would do if they could afford to.

Tana433 · 30/04/2019 16:56

Well they say you can choose your friends but not your family. I hope you have nicer friends OP, what an awful woman. You are doing your best and things will get better for you soon hopefully

squee123 · 30/04/2019 16:56

She sounds like a right cow. What kind of mother has a go at their child for being unable to afford something when they are likely already upset about it rather than helping them out if, as she does, she has the means to do so.

Even if (and not saying this is the case) she thought you weren't managing finances well she could take you out to buy him shoes and some new jeans and stop off for tea and cake and a supportive chat about whether you are claiming everything you are entitled to, maybe share some practical tips of managing on a tight budget if she has experience of this and generally support you. Her behaviour is awful

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2019 17:01

Your mum sounds dreadful horrible woman who begrudges their child help out she should be ashamed not you I think you need to stop telling her things I see nothing positive about her. Get your son his shoes and tell her to shove it. I am being nosey but are you getting all the tax credits you are entitled to?

Fatted · 30/04/2019 17:02

I've been in situations where I can always get everything I need for my kids and my mum, for all my issues with her, has always been there and offered to help financially. Either buying things or offering money. A good parent does that. Not kick you when you're down.

My kids aren't as old as yours yet but I remember when my eldest was a baby. He could lie in his moses basket fine in the morning and honestly, by that night he was too long for it. He literally grew in 8 hours! He's still like this now, shoots up overnight and I'm dreading when he's in his teens and clothes, shoes etc get more expensive.

Nottheduchess · 30/04/2019 17:04

When money was tight for us I used to get clothing from boot sales. Give it a wash and nobody is the wiser.

qazxc · 30/04/2019 17:07

You did absolutely nothing wrong.
DS had a growth spurt and you bought him (school) shoes one week and will buy trainers this week.So DS has to make do with one pair of shoes for a week, This really isn't a big deal and nothing your mum should be critical of.
Her attitude to you sounds really nasty and goady. I would consider giving her a wide berth for a while if I were you.

CaMePlaitPas · 30/04/2019 17:10

This is such a sad thread. I've got two children and it would break my heart to see them struggling, I would do everything in my power to make sure they and their children had what they needed. I can't believe she's making a song and dance out of £10. If you can try to distance yourself for her toxicity, if she asks tell her why.

kaitlinktm · 30/04/2019 17:13

You see, when my kids were small this is how the conversation would have gone:

Me I will have to get DS trainers out of next week's money
DM Oh no - get them and I will pay for them. That's what grandmas are for

I would do the same if I had grandchildren - hurry up DS (not really).

Shouldershrugger · 30/04/2019 17:13

Your mum is a mean cow. I feel so bad for you. You are not a bad mum. You're just in a bad phase. Things will get easier. But your mum will stay an ugly person. Chin up and take each day as it comes xx

AbbieLexie · 30/04/2019 17:14

Do not be ashamed - the only person who should be ashamed is mother / grandmother.
for you and DH - you're both doing a fantastic job managing and prioritising in a very good way.
I would and have done without for my daughter and granddaughter - grateful I could. for you - Hold your head high.

Hazlenutpie · 30/04/2019 17:15

💐💐💐 stay away from your mother.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread