Shamed for being poor . Devastated

[shamedtotally]

I’m in a bit of a state. V v upset
We dont have much money we get by just some weeks are bad some better

In dec ds was a size 5 we got him trainees for Xmas size 6. He’s now a size 8 and my mother has had a massive go at me how disgusting we are that he’s wearing wrong size
We only had money for new school shoes so prioritised that
We have bills to pay and food to buy
I had to borrow £10 she agreed I said I’d pay her Friday when paid she said fine. Half an hour later had a go at me how awful it is I won’t pay back tomorrow
Not that it makes a difference I’d pay her back ASAP anyway but she’s well off

She then told me it’s awful ds jeans were too small
Then she had a go at me about everything brought up so e past things that were cruel

I lost my temper and shouted and went and the baby cried and she laughed that I’ve upset him said again I’m a bad mother.
We work hard and we try our best
Ds had a growth spurt we weren’t neglecting him in too small clothes

This evening she has text me to tell me I need to learn to calm down and take criticism and that she wasn’t actually having a go.

That's horrible of her to effectively blame you for not being able to afford new shoes and then blame you for being upset when she shamed you.

You mother is toxic, which must make life extreme difficult for you. Try to limit contact with her as far as possible. A mother should support you and not shame you and undermine you

She’s made me feel like I’m going mad I know how she was and now I’m going back over it thinking have I overreacted and I know I didn’t and it’s made me feel so stressed I feel like I’ll throw up

Sorry (not sorry) to say this but your mum sounds like a bitch & should be ashamed of herself!!

I wonder, is there some kind of jealousy? Like perhaps she envies your relationship with your kids/partner? Something that makes her feel the need to try to bring you down. It’s her with the problem, not you. For her to say you need to learn to accept criticism is ridiculous!

Do not let this woman make you feel like less of a person for struggling for money. Just because she is better off financially doesn’t mean she’s a better person (and clearly isn’t!)

I’d tell her to piss off!

She's gaslighting you.

Ah that's a shame. You wouldn't expect that from your own Mum
We have to space things out as we can't afford things all at once. That's normal for lots of people.
Maybe look in charity shops. Not ideal but you might get something half decent.
She could of course help you out!!

Emotionally abusive also.

You have done NOTHING wrong - she is now trying to blame you for her shitty behaviour. You need time out from her

Being called a bad mother isn't criticism - that's just bitchiness . Nor is being laughed at . If she thinks you should accept criticism , I take it she'd be just fine at being called a heartless old witch who thinks upsetting her daughter is far preferable to helping her grandson , and values a tenner over his comfort ? Thought not .

I’m sorry you have a mean, miserable bitch of a mother, who would rather belittle and upset you instead of putting her hand in her capacious pockets to do something to help you and your family. Screw her, she isn’t adding anything good to your life, is she?

If my dm were still alive she would give your dm a kick up the backside. I wouldn’t have someone in my life who saw her grandchild suffering and did nothing to help.

What? She's mad, OP. What a cold, unfeeling mother and grandmother!
I'm not made of money at all, but I'm better off than when I was young. I remember constantly robbing peter to pay paul when my kids were growing up. So stressful.
Now I have GC, I always make little contributions through the year.
Winter coats and boots, shoes and bookbags, swimsuits, sun hats and bathers. Whatever I notice they're coming up to needing.
I'm shopping tomorrow for bedding as one of my DDs said she's moving GC into "big kid's" bed next week.
It's my pleasure to help out quietly and see that my DDs aren't having a panic attack over clothing their growing kids like I did back in the day

Your mum is bad for your mental health OP because her behaviour is emotionally abusive.

It's not you, it's her. I suspect she's always been like this and it's probably really damaged your self esteem.

Limit contact with her or take a complete break for the sake of yourself and your dc.

I don’t even want her help for trainers etc I borrowed the £10 for some food but I made it clear to her she didn’t have and exactly what day I’d pay her back....and she was initially fine then totally changed and was awful it was so confusing
Ds clothes and shoes are our responsibility and we just can’t get it all at once but she was so hateful critical and belittling about something out of my control we are doing our best 😔